Rapture
by Materia-Blade
Summary: The children are the hope of humanity. When strange voices begin to plague them all, the choice of giving humanity another chance, or letting them perish, is put directly in their hands. A Children-become-Angels fic. AU from the Twelfth.
1. part one

_**a neon genesis evangelion fanfic  
by materia-blade**_

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_****__**-rapture-**_

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_****__**part one - death talks  
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Shinji idly fingered the 'stop' tab on his SDAT player, while staring up at the uncluttered ceiling of his room. Scattered about the ceiling were small white plaster 'bumps' that could easily be rubbed off if one simply ran their hand across it, causing bits and pieces of that strange ceiling matter to fall across whatever lay below. Shinji thought about doing just that, not for any real reason, but because the strange tile felt soothing on his fingers, much like the music drifting almost casually through his ears.

He gave a loud yawn and looked over to his clock. Five twenty seven. Despite the early hour, he had already been awake for quite some time. Asuka's night terrors had forced his sleepy mind to waken almost an hour beforehand, and he was almost angry about it. What right did she have to complain about them being late to school in the mornings when her yelps and nightmares kept him up all night! Not that she would ever actually talk about her nightmares. Nor even admit she had them…

He realized he had every reason to be truly angry with the second children… but he wasn't. She was Asuka. Miss 'hide-your-pain' herself. That was just her way, and he couldn't be mad at her for simply being the way she was. That and his attraction for her was something to be marveled at. He'd never admit it of course but he liked the second children. Hell, he barely was able to subconsciously acknowledge it, but if he didn't like her at least somewhat, he assumed he would probably act like Touji did to the girl.

He stabbed a foot into the air and created a small tent with his blanket, pulling the cloth slightly off himself as it lifted. He dabbed at the ceiling lightly, too lazy to stand and do it with his fingers, causing a few of the dimpled ceiling bits to fall on him. For a few moments he wondered why they made ceilings like this. It was so easy to mess the things up entirely. A light touch and the ceiling would liter all over the floor and look terrible at the same time. So why did—!

His leg jerked into a tight crunch and he gasped, as a wracking pain burst within his chest. But, as quickly as it had come, it faded, leaving the boy lying on his back in somewhat of a cold sweat, slowly lowering his leg back to the bed.

'What the hell?' He thought, only now realizing his hand was resting on his chest where the intense pain had erupted. He waited for a moment, his hand sifting around on his chest right in the middle with care, hoping to assuage whatever was hurting him beneath his skin. Probably just bad heartburn. They'd had instant spaghetti last night. Even so… wasn't he a bit young to be getting heartburn? Oh well.

Forgetting the incident, he let out another yawn and he decided to rise. It wouldn't be too terribly long before Asuka would wake up, followed shortly by a disheveled Misato. Both women had a strange tendency to hate mornings, which had always puzzled him. He loved mornings for the most part. Still, he didn't question it. Both disliked them, and therefore, liked a coffee, or beer depending on which girl of course, to be ready for them. Shinji never minded that. He actually quite liked it, really. It felt good to rise in the morning and cook, even though he rarely got the appreciation he felt he deserved. It wasn't as if he would ever say that out loud.

"No! I… I don't want…!" Came a muffled squeal, biting in over the music his SDAT player exuded.

He stiffened, but then quickly relaxed, fingering the volume knob up a few notches. Asuka again. It wasn't as if he could do anything for her anyway. He'd just end up getting kicked again. But…. How he wished he could. Every other night the poor girl had a nightmare. But if he tried to ask her about it she either changed the subject, –violently- ignored him, or started complaining about Shinji's stooge-like tendencies.

He always felt afraid of Asuka's dreams. To himself at least, he admitted he admired the second children. She was always so proud. Perhaps a bit arrogant, but still that arrogance was backed by a strength and confidence that he yearned for. Yearned for even half of what she had. The red princess who rushed into battle with the fury of an angel, and skill to match!

So…?

What could terrify Asuka like this? Why were her dreams always so... He didn't know how to describe them. But on the few instances he'd seen the girl sleeping, she'd seemed… terrified. And always something about her mother.

He put that train of thought away and began thumbing the 'stop' tab again. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he stood and stretched himself preparing his achy limbs for what was sure to be another irritatingly uncomfortable day. A sync test was scheduled for One Thirty in the afternoon. It got him out of school, he supposed, but school was better then sitting in that disgusting orange fluid for two hours or longer.

He gave a sigh as he stood, kicking off his pajamas and wormed his way into one of his clean school uniforms. Stepping into the kitchen, he found Pen Pen staring in dismay at the refrigerator, and chuckled.

"Waargh…" The penguin warbled, pointing with a blunt fin.

Giving a small smile at the foolish, but always entertaining antics of the penguin, Shinji opened the refrigerator and handed the penguin a beer and a can of tuna, opening them as he did so. Gleefully, the penguin took the items and dashed back to its own refrigerator, content with the assistance Shinji had provided.

The third children gave a laugh as he turned to the coffee-maker. He liked the penguin, despite his rather unfriendly attitude most of the time.

"M-Mama!" Came another cry, though this one was only barely audible through three thin walls instead of just one. Shinji gave a loud sigh as he stared off through the hallway towards Asuka's room. Wishing to help. How he wished he could. He'd admitted to himself after the tenth angel that the girl meant something special to him. Hell… after the seventh! The damn girl annoyed him more then he could believe but somehow she'd wormed her way under his skin. The girl could likely ask, well… tell him to almost anything and he would without a second thought. If she actually asked… admittedly he'd likely have a heart attack.

Without warning, he felt another blaring wave of pain in his chest, this one even worse than before. He let out a hiss of pain and almost sunk to his knees, but then it was gone; as if someone had stabbed a needle directly into his voodoo doll's chest and then withdrawn it, all in one swift stroke. Still, he rubbed it hoping to sooth the strange inner burn.

"Baka-Shinji." He murmured to himself aloud as he stood, only just realizing that the pain had made him hunch himself. He let his hand fall away from his chest once more, irritated at himself. 'No more spaghetti for us for a while.'

He set about cooking breakfast. Steamed rice and miso as usual. He could have made something better but he felt like making simple breakfast this morning. Simultaneously, he began preparing Asuka's lunch along with his own. Asuka had strange tastes but he had to agree that much of the American and German food she generally liked to eat was pretty good. But eating it every day? It got quite old, in his opinion. Nothing like rice.

A sharp gasp echoing lightly from Asuka's room was his signal that she had likely woken up. Probably jolted upright even. This was one of her worse dreams. Usually they were much lighter than this. Usually, he could barely hear her. Last night had been… difficult to say the least. Listening to the girl cry in her sleep was not a fun way to spend the night.

For a moment, the boy glared jealously at Misato's room, two or three walls away from Asuka's. He felt terrible thinking that way, knowing that something was plaguing his co-eva-pilot, but frankly, night after night, the whimpers got old, especially when the girl wouldn't even acknowledge that she had dreams when she was awake, let alone nightmares. Misato didn't hear a peep!

Despite his misgivings, he gave a small smile as he thought of Misato-san. Sometimes she was one of the most irritating people he had ever met! Her messy lifestyle, her unorthodox drinking habit and that strange ability she seemed to have that could look right through his mind and know exactly what he was thinking. She was middle-aged chaos incarnate! And yet… sometimes… sometimes he thought he knew what it was like to have a mother with her around.

Jerking he stared down in shock and instantly began stirring as he realized he'd let the rice sit a bit too long. Luckily, it seemed to be okay. Just a bit crisp. Misato would never notice and Asuka… well… her comments wouldn't likely change if it were five star rice. Nothing to worry about.

It was five or ten minutes later when he heard the door to Asuka's room slide open slowly. She slumbered out into the hallway, wearing her usual pajamas and heading right for the shower. Shinji normally preferred to shower at night; arguments didn't spring up over who got the bathroom first that way and it was incredibly helpful to wake up and not have to spend twenty minutes running a bath. Not to mention being accused, or teased, or both, for being a pervert due to utter accidents. Despite his new cleaning schedule the accidents were still fairly common anyway.

"Ack!" Came a sudden shout, also from Asuka. But this was different. She was awake now. Shinji stiffened for the second time that morning and dashed into the hallway to see the girl, slumped onto her knees, one hand desperately grabbing her chest right above her heart, the other holding the wall for balance. The girl was breathing heavily, staring down at her folded knees in shock.

"A-Asuka? Are you okay?" Shinji asked heatedly, worry and concern showing blatantly across his face as he knelt down next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder to steady the girl. It seemed she didn't even realize she was still wobbling.

For a moment she just sat there breathing heavily. Then, she shook herself, her eyes jolting to meet his, their usual spark igniting as he almost instantly backed off. "Of course I'm alright! Baka! It was probably just that stupid spaghetti from last night! I told you something was wrong!" She always told him something was wrong.

Shinji blinked. Hmm. Must actually have been the spaghetti if it was hitting her too… "Y-yeah. You're probably right; the same thing happened to me a little while ago. I won't cook it anymore. G-gomen."

Usually that would start yet another tirade, but Asuka didn't seem to be in the mood. She looked like she'd had a very restless night, and that, mixed with the rage she had from whatever ailed her involving the spaghetti, had made him a prime target for her to let out the stress on. Knowing full well these facts, the third children couldn't help but notice her unusual appearance; unusual due to the fact that he rarely ever saw the girl looking so… tired. Dressed in blue pajama pants and shirt, she looked quite beautiful if one could disregard her disheveled hair, bloodshot eyes, and morning breath. Oh. And the anger. Can't forget the anger.

But even that was muffled a bit by the girl's obvious weariness. If only she would just open up and talk to him for once!

Throwing Shinji's arm away, Asuka stood and shoved past him as she made her way the final few steps into the bathroom and shut the door heavily. "Go cook, baka! And none of that miso crap!" She exclaimed, through the thin door, prompting another harrowing sigh from Shinji.

"Gomen…" He murmured as he gave one last look at the closed door. Well, he couldn't exactly stop cooking the miso now. Hmm… Toast and eggs were quick. That would have to do.

He blinked. The miso! "Shimatta!" He cursed, dashing through the hall back to the kitchen where he found that he was still able to save his concoction.

Barely.

As he laid out the plates for breakfast and filled them accordingly, some ten or fifteen minutes later; idly going about his task, he wished that burned meals and Asuka's temper were the worst things he had to deal with. And that line of thought always brought him back…

Evangelion.

His bane. His strongest fear, while perhaps being his anima at the same time. He'd watched the videos of the things he had done… the power he'd exuded that he didn't even remember. Was that who he was? Was that rage what he contained? It had to be. Eva was just a big robot… 'Right.' He thought sarcastically. 'And I'm a manipulative bastard.'

He had no idea what it was that was hiding within the Eva, but whatever it was, it was no robot. A feeling. A sensation. A mind numbing… presence resided there, and he did not understand it. Sometimes, he felt as if he could… sense someone there. Sense… a conscious mind. But no. That was insane… No creature was that big… well, except the angels of course.

"Itedaikimasu!" He said lightly, more to himself then anyone else, now finally sitting down to eat. Asuka's and Misato's food already lay on the table and without warning Asuka suddenly appeared around the corner of the door, her hair still wet dressed in her usual school attire, beauty radiating from her person to saturate his eyes, just in time to chime in with him.

"Itedaikimasu…" She wearily added. Obviously her look were currently not parallel to the way she felt. Her bath, it seemed, had not refreshed her as much as he'd hoped. Luckily, the girl's eyes trailed down to her meal and, to Shinji's satisfaction, they lit somewhat. Of course, that was almost instantly replaced with an irritated glare, aimed at him.

"Not bad… ante baka."

Shinji sighed. Asuka. Was it impossible for her to even acknowledge that he had gone out of his way for her? No, he decided. No, that was probably too much to ask of the girl. Compliments that were given were always given with a derisive quip that was parallel to or stronger then the compliment she began with. He just had to deal with it, he supposed.

A deep and grotesque moan suddenly drifted across their ears as Misato, dressed in nothing more than the scandalously revealing shorts and t-shirt she usually slept in, made her way across the hallway and into the bathroom.

Asuka snorted. "If you wouldn't drink so much, Misato, then things like this wouldn't happen!" She echoed to the house matriarch crudely, that usual superior smirk gracing her lips as she stabbed into her eggs with vigor, though still somewhat subdued. Apparently she was a bit sick from her nightmares… or perhaps that spaghetti last night as well, but the eggs seemed to be rejuvenating her. She sure seemed like she appreciated them.

For the most part they ate in silence, Shinji quietly enjoying his miso soup and rice, while Asuka gladly finished off her sunny-side-up eggs and mauled the toast, until suddenly a loud roar burst in from the kitchen.

"Yeeekaaa!" Misato screeched in her usual, irritating way, having just downed an entire beer in one devastating gulp. Honestly! The woman must have inherited the liver of a gorilla to be able to do things like this! Shinji and Asuka for the most part ignored her morning habits as they were commonplace these days. Though it was a very strange thing to get used to, it seemed that human nature to adapt to new conditions was able to cover just about anything.

_Shinji Ikari…!_

"Wh-what!" Shinji gasped, shocked by the sudden words. A woman's voice. And familiar.

His eyes darted to the north, where Nerv lay, and noticed Asuka staring at him strangely. She followed his gaze across the room and, finding nothing of note, turned her attention back on Shinji. "What's with you, third?" She asked in that weird voice of hers that could show concern while being completely uncaring at the same time, a slice of toast hanging from her mouth in the meanwhile.

Still staring at the wall, Shinji shivered. "I… I thought I heard something." He sighed. "Must be my imagina—!"

_Shinji!_

A shout this time to his ears, Shinji jerked his head once again to the wall from where the shout had come. Nothing. His heart was picking up speed. What was going on!?

Asuka was looking at Shinji with some small measure of… worry now. "Ante baka…! What are you—!"

Suddenly, she too, jerked her head to where he had first looked, her eyes staring blankly at that same wall, morning light spilling in through the curtains.

"I… think that—!"

Instantly, the alarm sounded across the city. An angel. Shinji and Asuka turned to each other, and nodded simultaneously, as Misato appeared from the kitchen, her happy morning utterly ruined and any indication that she had been drinking mysteriously gone.

"We have to go." The house matriarch stated quickly. Any indication that she was the complete slob she had been not mere minutes ago had been completely erased by the call of the city's alarms.

The children and their guardian were out in the car, fully dressed and blasting towards the Geofront faster then they had ever before been, determination etched across all of their faces. The car whirled crazily as they drove by, watching hundreds of people quickly filtering their way into the shelters. They watched as the city began sinking into the ground, buildings delving back into their fake underworld and the safety of the faux skylight beneath.

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Asuka glared almost hatefully at the boy sitting behind her in the back seat as Misato's jostling drive sent them sprawling… or would have had they not been so experienced in making sure Misato didn't kill them with her driving, with seat belts on and hands firmly on all available handles. 'I'll prove that I'm better than him! I'll prove it!' The fire-haired pilot groused to herself. She turned her eyes forward to the sky and saw the angel, a baring, determined smile glistening on her face. She was no fool as to think it would be easy. No angel had been alike so far, and there had been too many close calls for her to believe that killing any of these… monsters would be easy. And they were getting… stronger…

But… She had to win. She had to be the best! She was Asuka Langley Sohryu. She would show them who the best pilot was. She would show the world.

Still, she couldn't help the small quelling of fear that bubbled in her as she stared up that the enormous black sphere hovering between the buildings. She remembered when she'd first felt that small fear. She'd taken Shinji with her. Her first kill on that boat but… she'd wanted him there with her. He'd done it before. He'd… stopped these things before. Then, she'd brought him because… she wanted that reassurance. Now she was a veteran. Now she had killed these monsters herself. Now, that small quelling of fear was repelled by a wave of excitement. Being the best! Making sure she was able to stop these angels.

Saving Tokyo. She could do it now! She could do it. She was sure.

_Asuka! Come to me!_

Her head jerked instantly to where the voice had come. Nothing was there. Of course nothing was there… she was just hearing things. But… It kept calling her. It had been calling her all morning, from the moment she'd awoken. Maybe even before… spawning her nightmares. Spurring her dreams. Her name… over and over again the voice repeated it. She'd tried to ignore it but still it was there. Still it called her. Warning her, demanding her attention… But she ignored it. Just… just nightmares. That was all it was. She wasn't actually hearing her mother's voice… just nightmares… just—!

_ASUKA!_

'Shut up!' She barked violently in her mind and was surprised to find the strange… voice… presence leave her. In an almost joyous relief she sighed, but shivered once again. Was she going insane? Wh-what would they do if they knew? If they knew that their best pilot was hearing voices…? Not just any voices… hearing the voice of her long dead mother? Worse still, what if they found out how long she'd been hearing them? It was likely she would never see the light of day, thinking she'd gone as crazy as…

As her mother.

The vehicle slid into the Geofront's car entrance, made specifically for the pilots, causing Asuka's stomach to lift as they barreled down the steep slope into the depths of Nerv Headquarters, Main Branch. More determined then ever, Asuka swore stared down into the dark hall of the down hill ramp, listing to the fading sirens in the upper world behind her.

"I'll be the best. This time I'll… I'll make them all see…" She whispered to herself. "I'll show them… I'm not crazy…"

_You never were…_

Asuka's eyes jerked directly forward. Nothing was there. The window, the endless hallway. Misato driving, not so crazily now that they were on a steep incline, and baka Shinji sitting in the backseat. No one else.

'Please, just leave me alone! I don't want to lose my mind!' She screamed in her head, jamming her eyes closed.

The voice… whatever it was, did not grace her with an answer. Whether it was obliging her, or simply toying with her, Asuka didn't know. But she felt afraid. Ever since she'd come to Japan she'd felt… strange. Even before. Ever since the first battle with the sixth angel. The first time she truly… fought! That was when they had first come. Murmurs, intangible syllables that meant nothing to her. Mixes of German and American and Japanese all thrown into one harrowing sea of mindless drull. But the voice had grown smarter. It sorted its words. Over time, the more she piloted, the clearer she could hear them.

Shaking her head, she smirked. Whether it was in satisfaction that she had shown the voice in her mind who was the boss, or in pure relief that it had deemed her demand worthy of note, she didn't know. All she knew was that, without it shouting at her… scaring her out of her wits. Without it… talking to her… she could be normal. She could feel safe.

The car screeched, and pulled to a rubber-burning halt, allowing the pilots to exit immediately. With a quick, 'see you on the bridge!' Misato was gone, the underground road screaming its dissatisfaction with the rough tread of tires.

Shinji and Asuka were in the change room almost instantly, each segregated into their own bath momentarily, and out on the other side dressed in their plug suits faster then they could ever before recall. Not surprisingly, Rei stood waiting for them. Dressed in her plug suit as if she already had been before the angel had attacked.

'Knowing Wondergirl, it's likely she was already dressed in it before the alarm even went off! Creepy doll!' Asuka thought inwardly, as she idly looked over Rei. Nothing different. No personality in that cold face. No passion in those heated eyes. Their fiery red color, an irony in comparison to the girl's apathetic nature. The purity of her unblemished white plug suit was an equal irony when Asuka thought of the disheveled state of the girl's room and school clothes. It was as if the girl had nothing but eva. Lived for… nothing but eva. 'We… aren't so different in that regard… are we?' The red-head thought grimly, as she awaited briefing in the bridge's control room.

Oh sure, Asuka tried to pretend like there were other things she cared about. Other things she liked or needed or wanted to do. It was a lie. Her college education? A lie. She'd passed the classes, with top marks. Studied hard, but never truly cared about what it was she studied. It was all to be the best… for the eva. Her major in college. Physics with a minor in combustion engines and heavy dabbling in computer programming were all for eva. All to pilot eva… better. Her friends… weren't truly friends. Adalia. Rikkert, Kari? She'd called them friends when she'd been in college… but the truth was she'd used them. They were the best in every field Asuka had studied. She'd used them. Had them teach her and learned from them, all the while keeping up the pretense that she actually believed these twenty four and twenty five year old students actually cared about her.

No.

She'd not spoken with any of them since leaving the college. They used her for her brains just as she'd used them. Beyond that, there was nothing. No friendship. No bond. All just mutual brain picking.

Admittedly, they'd gotten the better end of the stick. After all, they had been allowed the privilege of learning from the great Asuka Langley Sohryu, in her specialty. The thought seemed bitter in her mind. Mere months ago she would have felt fine thinking this. Believed it as she would believe the sun hung in the sky and LCL smelled like blood. Things everyone who was anyone simply knew. Now… now those three students had had the privilege of learning, not from 'the great Asuka Sohryu,' but from a… a mad fourteen year old girl with her dead mother's voice in her mind.

_You are not mad, Asuka!_

'Leave me alone!' She thought at the voice desperately. Outwardly, she glared at Shinji. That always calmed her down. Baka-Shinji would flinch and jump as if he'd done something wrong and then go about trying to fix whatever he'd done. That always cheered her up!

_Please listen!_

Asuka ignored it, preferring to focus on Shinji's stuttering features. Every now and then the boy actually had the gall to glare back! That was always fun. It appeared, however, that today was no such day. The sullen boy seemed surprised at the glare, but not particularly so. He'd beaten her sync score recently so to him this was likely just lingering anger. He sighed and turned the other way much to Asuka's disappointment. Despite beating her at the one thing she'd given her all to be the best at, Asuka wasn't as angry at him as she could have been. If it had been anyone else, say the first, for instance, she would have destroyed her.

But… there was something about the third children… something that made the evangelion just a bit less… important. Just a bit.

"Okay… here's what we have so far." Came Misato's sharp voice, so different from this very morning where the woman had done her best to imitate a destitute slob, bent on conquering all the liquor on the planet. Now, the woman strode with purpose and intent that seemed to fill the dark chamber with as much pungent confidence as the flashing lights exuded by the hologram now decorating the middle of the room did.

Asuka listened as intently as she could while trying to forget the voice of her mother, now silent in her mind. But for how long? She didn't know. But she knew she had to pay attention. She had to be the best! It was… it was what her mother would want.

_You're killing yourself, Asuka._

Asuka gulped but showed nothing. A voice. Nothing more. Nothing less. A simple voice plaguing her. Something that therapy would likely rid her of. Perhaps… no… if she told anyone… anyone… they would take away her eva. Take away her… reason to be. She could not allow that. She could not allow that, no matter the cost. She would go raving mad before she would give up eva!

She would die before she would give up eva.

She thought about speaking but she found herself lacking the proper mood for it. Her usual boasting seemed to lack the usual luster it brought to her confidence. Misato had ordered Shinji as the point and had regulated Rei and her to backup. It figured. Baka Shinji. He'd beaten her sync scores now… he was the better pilot. For now…

Before she knew it she found herself in her plug, LCL filling her dark room. The screens affront her came to life as vision greeted her previously dark cockpit. Letting the LCL into her lungs, she relaxed. Another Angel. Another chance to prove herself. This time she would not fail. And she would not be regulated to backseat either. So what if Shinji was point? He'd be the first to screw up… and then she would show them how fighting angels was done!

"Connecting main power!"  
"All circuits transmitting!"  
"Roger!"  
"A-10 nerve connections: normal!"  
"Language Japanese: confirmed!  
"All preliminary contacts established!"  
"Performance: nominal!"

The buzz and thrum of the technicians voices beat in Asuka's ears as she prepared herself. She felt herself attach to the eva. To her evangelion. Unit 02. Life blared within her as she became… not Asuka. No. She became more in eva. So much more. Her eyes grew to the size of cars and her height became stories and stories tall as she felt through the eva, stretching her mind.

_I feel you, my soul. Burn. Make me live!_

Another shiver splashed through Asuka; her concentration and self preparation was shattered even as she felt a roar burst from her evangelion, its eyes blaring to life. She shook her head furiously but she couldn't shake the feeling that the owner of the voice… her mother, was still there, lurking within her mind. Even so, she was able to force herself to open her mind, to let Unit 02 see within her as she became one with the four-eyed beast.

"Eva Launch!" Came Misato's distinct cry, blasting through all communication frequencies. A slight jolt in her stomach cured Asuka of her short bout with the voice. She was ready. She could do this! It didn't matter that there was a voice in her head! The eva slammed to a halt as she reached the surface, and stared across to see Shinji's Unit 01 already barreling for the point position, its cable trailing endlessly behind it. Unit 00 stood just now exiting the launch shaft in almost perfect tandem with her own exit.

As the others did, she wordlessly tried to make her eva move as silently as possible. Idly, she wondered at the comedy of an outside viewer watching a fifty story tall machine attempting to move quietly, but inwardly she kept the idea from reaching her facial expression. This was no place for idle fancies, whether they were funny or not. After. When this angel was dead. Yes. After.

"Asuka, Rei, are you in position?" She heard the third child's whisper through the coms. Really. Why in god's name was the idiot whispering? If the Angel had trouble hearing the footsteps of an eva frankly a whisper wasn't gonna do a damn thing! Mein Gott!

"Not yet." Came Rei's stoic response.

In an irritated voice Asuka gave her answer accordingly as she eased her eva into position, bringing it up on the northeast side of the city, hidden from view by a series of large buildings. Bringing up a com screen to both Rei and Shinji simultaneously she echoed loudly, as if to mock his whisper, "Of course I'm here. Ante Baka! What's taking you so long, Wondergirl?"

Her voice had an edge but she left off as soon as she saw that there was something… wrong with Rei. The blue haired girl sat in her cockpit as she normally would but… sweat trailed down her cheeks before melding with the LCL and her hand grasped her heart like a lifeline.

"Gomen nasai." The blue haired girl responded quickly. "There is a problem… my chest is in pain."

The technicians buzzed in almost instantly. "All readouts on the first child are nominal. Heart-rate: normal. No problems. Are you sure something is wrong Rei?" Asuka heard a male voice ask though she couldn't place who the voice was and he had given no visual. It sounded like Shigeru.

Asuka couldn't keep the small bit of concern out of her own eyes as she stared into the girl's screen. As Asuka watched the blue haired girl let her hand fall back to her control, and gingerly let her fingers curl around the handles, the pain in her eyes receding as if it had never been.

"Are you okay, Ayanami-san?" Asuka heard Shinji's concerned voice ask.

"I… will be fine." Rei replied sharply. "It was nothing… I'm alright now."

The eva began moving in the background and Asuka couldn't help but feel a small bit of… pride shining through for the other pilot. "Glad you're still with us, Wondergirl!" She berated sarcastically… though not entirely. Suddenly, something odd struck Asuka. 'Wait a minute… chest pain?' Just this very morning she'd felt an immense burst of chest pain, that had faded almost instantly. She remembered blaming the pain on that terrible Italian food Shinji had attempted the night before… but… He'd said that had happened to him as well… hadn't he?

Asuka shook herself of the strange notion. Chest pains happened to everyone. Mere coincidence. That was all.

"Are you ready, Asuka?" Shinji asked, with a bit of point to his voice.

_Are you ready, Asuka?_

For a split second, Asuka did not answer. Forcing herself to let out the involuntary breath she had taken, she stared Shinji's image down and fixed her eyes. 'Ignore the voice… ignore her! She's just a figment of your imagination! She's not your mother!'

_I'll always protect you._

"R-ready when you are, third!" The German pilot exclaimed heatedly, her voice cracking. Inwardly she hoped to god that Shinji didn't notice. That no one noticed. An odd look. That was all he gave her, before his determined face became a mixture of apprehension and… was it eagerness?

"Go!" The third children exclaimed.

As one, the three evangelion units sprang from behind their various buildings. Unit 01 stood almost directly beneath the white and black sphere firing bullet after bullet from the gigantic seven round pistol he carried. On the other side of the angel, perhaps forty meters away a red Unit 02 took aim with the new shotgun specially developed for medium distance fighting. Far above standing behind a building set far above the others, Rei Ayanami pulled the trigger to fire one ballistic sniper bullet to attempt to destroy the angel from a distance.

A moment before the first shot would have pierced and destroyed the sphere, it vanished.

"Wh-what the!?" Shinji screamed, as suddenly, the ground beneath him became as mud. He felt his Eva sinking into a vast black shadow that consumed the entire street, and fear began to take him. "Wh-what's happening! Mi-Misato I'm—!"

Before Shinji could even realize exactly what was happening, he was already waist deep in the shadowy mire. "Help! Asuka, Rei! Help!" The boy shouted in desperation.

Asuka was already on the move when Misato's order to help the third came in heatedly over the com. Her eva leapt over buildings and around vehicles with an animalistic grace as she pulled out her progressive knife and a heavy prismatic axe, one of the new Nerv weapons that had recently become available. Turning just one more road that seemed little more then a thin hallway to her, she saw Shinji, battling to keep himself above ground, all but his arms and head completely obscured from view.

"Ante Baka! What's the point of beating me on some stupid test!" She exclaimed as she dashed over to him, jumping over the shadow to hang over the evangelion from one of the numerous buildings. She reached out her hand and was surprised to find it gripped almost as soon as she extended it.

"Asuka!" The boy exclaimed, holding on for dear life as a bit of his eva withdrew from the shadow covered ground.

"Payback for the eighth, third children! We're… dammit you're heavy! We're even!" Asuka gasped under the strain of keeping herself attached to the building, while simultaneously lifting the entire weight of the purple evangelion.

Pulled closer to the building, Shinji grasped the stone wall, burying his fingers within the hard concrete for his own handhold. Then, the building shook. Shock enveloped Shinji as he realized something was wrong. "I-is the wall collapsing!?" He asked, letting go of Unit 02's hand to bury his other hand deep into the wall, only to feel the quivering building, jerk once again.

Then he saw it. The shadow, spread far from where it had first started beneath his feet, and he felt himself sinking into it once again. The entire building on which they clung began sinking. Panic circled Asuka as her feet became incased in the darkness. Shinji felt his waist slip back in once again, a cold rush sliding through him as if walking into swampy water when dry. "Asuka! G-Get out of here!" Shinji cried, as he buried his hand in a further up point on the wall and attempted to climb out.

"Dammit, baka! I'm not just going to leave you, no matter how stupid you are!" She exclaimed, as she buried her knife into the wall to make a hand hold. Reaching back, she grabbed Shinji's arm once again and, with an incredible display of determination, hauled him once again, further out of the shadow pit. The building still sinking, she lay her foot on the knife and pushed herself up. Climbing, climbing, up.

"Get the hell out of there you two! Withdraw!" Misato's angered voice came in over the com screen. "You too Rei!"

For a moment, Asuka could swear she saw the first children grit her teeth, as she gave her usual, 'understood' but the red-head had no time to worry about that.

A short creaking was the only warning she received. The wall they both stood on, gave one hollow creak before the entire building surged off it's foundation. Fear entangled her heart and the German girl only had a sparse second of falling to curse before she and Shinji were crushed into the shadow beneath the crashing building and uplifted concrete. Swallowed whole.

"Asuka! Shinji!!" Misato's voice was the last thing either of them heard before they were surrounded in utter darkness.

* * *

"Let me out dammit!" Asuka screamed once again, waving her fists wildly, the Eva echoing in tandem. The great beast roared hatred into the darkness but nothing responded. Nothing, nothing.

The five minute timer expired and the evangelion shut down with a resounding echo. Asuka could do little but curl herself into a ball and bite her knees. "Dammit… Baka-Shinji… I won't die. Not like this!"

Shinji heard the faint whispers of a roar from far away within the darkness. Endless darkness surrounded him in all directions. For the few minutes he had been able to sync with the eva after he had been brought into this dank place he had felt as if he were swimming in a pool of swampy mud. The dark had seemed endless and, try as he might, he could do little more than try and find an edge. A wall alongside this darkness that he could rip through to bring him back…

He found nothing. His evangelion ran out of power, leaving him stranded in this vast darkness, listening to Asuka trudge with the bit more power she had been left with when their cables were disconnected.

Without warning, a com screen opened in front of him. "Damn you third! If it weren't for your sorry ass I wouldn't be in this mess right now! Now help me figure out a way to get out of here!" The second children screamed across the main screen. "What's the point of beating me on a sync test if you're gonna get us both killed?"

Shinji's shaded his eyes within his hair. "G-gomen… but we aren't dead yet. They'll think of something." He hoped they would. He listened as her evangelion's back up power spurred to life, the dim grey light filtering in through the darkness of her injection plug.

Asuka shivered, staring at him for a moment. Then, she nodded. They were still in battle, whether they were stuck without power or not. Asuka had no time for games. She had to think. She had to think of… something. "Tell me if something happens." She stated hardly.

With that, her screen blanked out leaving him alone in the dim light once again. Sighing, Shinji laid his hands across the control panels and breathed, trying desperately to come up with some sort of plan. "It's cold…" He murmured.

* * *

"Are you insane!? Maybe it would be a worthwhile plan if it were just one evangelion in there, but destroying two? You might as well have humanity commit mass suicide! There's no way Rei will be able to handle the remaining angels on her own!" Misato exclaimed doing her best to put rational reasons behind the madness creeping into her skull. Shinji and Asuka. She… without Shinji and Asuka she would…! She'd grown too attached. She knew that now. She'd invested real heart in her two charges and if they died it would rip a hole into her that she knew would never heal. She couldn't let them die! She couldn't!

"Well, Misato, If you've got a better plan I'd love to hear it!" Ritsuko shouted, irritability clearly seeping into her tone. She looked stressed. Her eyes drooped and her hair was frazzled beyond belief. It was likely the woman was still recovering from the incident with the eleventh. She'd stayed awake for days repairing the damage that had been wrought upon the magi by the miniscule angel, living on nothing but coffee and cigarettes.

Still, the scientist's disheveled disposition didn't make her any less Misato's enemy at the moment. She had to win. She wracked her brain furiously for a plan but nothing came up. Nothing. The only possible alternative was to send Rei in on a recovery mission, but that really could doom the world. With Shinji and Asuka captive, or worse dead inside that… dirac sea?... Sending Rei in to find little more then the remains of already destroyed evangelions could lead to the same fate for her.

Dropping in a line? Worthless, the only chance for that to do anything is if one of them went berserk and even if they did, they would be more likely to rip the line to shreds then hang on to it. Shinji's first battle came to mind and Misato shivered violently.

The truth was there was… nothing she could do. Nothing in her arsenal that could destroy this beast. Nothing, nothing. Eva could survive an N2 mine… but could it survive hundreds of them? God willing she hoped it could. Her eyes leaking a depressed sigh, she stared into the eyes of her old friend. "Okay… drop a hundred. We've seen what an N2 can do if the AT field is brought down. Using even half of them would be idiotic. Maybe… maybe if we're lucky, they'll survive."

Ritsuko turned her eyes to stare out into the screens showing the angel from all angles making it look like she was in a building instead of deep underground. Misato couldn't help but notice the blonde scientist had… crossed her fingers. At a time like this… it almost made her chuckle. She had crossed hers too. "Please be alright… Asuka… Shinji…"

* * *

"Shinji… do you remember when we first met?" Asuka asked with an irritable smile on her face, staring at the boy. The communications were down between everyone but she and him. Nothing else worked. There was no one else to contact, as if she and Shinji had gone to a completely different world.

Shinji gave her a smile back, and nodded. "Yeah… heh… you slapped me. A viewing fee, you said." He chuckled, wryly and the girl couldn't help but grin in response.

Memories. Dreams. Asuka had time to calm herself down, and now that she had, not to mention the fact that Asuka had no way to strike Shinji across the head or any way to vent her anger on him, they had been talking for… hours it seemed.

"You deserved it too!" The girl exclaimed, sliding back into her Eva's cockpit, leaning her hands behind the back of her neck lazily. Throwing a single leg over the other, she tapped her foot in the air idly. "Hah hah! Well… maybe not. Considering how embarrassing it must have been for you wearing that plug suit of mine!" The girl smirked at him, and then added, "You looked pretty good in it, I think."

Shinji had no choice but to blush as the memory came up in his mind, but he settled for indignant. "I did not! And I'm never doing that again!" He exclaimed heatedly, staring the at the girl as she laughed inwardly. Well, not so inwardly.

"Kawaii, Shinji-kun!" The girl exclaimed, laughingly serving only to make Shinji more indignant until he sniffed and turned his head.

A moment of comfortable silence passed, and sooner or later Shinji turned a sideways eye back on the screen and smiled at the girl viewed within. He gave a chuckle, finding the girl making a rather dumb face at him.

Joining her in lazing, he laid himself back, using his arms as a pillow as she was. "Asuka… what do you want to do… you know… after the angels are gone? After Eva?" He asked on a whim, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Asuka gave a puzzled look, and then a frown. "I... after eva…" She tumbled the words around on her tongue as if they were from a foreign language. "I… I don't think I've ever thought about it. I've been piloting eva for so long that… I… I guess I don't know. Maybe I'll be a model or something!" She exclaimed, joyous at her first idea.

Shinji raised an eyebrow but shrugged. "I could never picture you as one." He said offhandedly, turning his view to one of the side windows and stare into the darkness far off. Then, what he'd just said actually hit him.

Turning back to the girl he lifted his hands in wild protest! "I… That's not to say I—!"

The girl's eye was twitching so hard he thought that, even two evangelion armors and an angel's interior away from her, he still thought he felt the heat from her unbearable anger. "How… dare you third children! You don't think I could do it!? What? Am I not pretty enough? Is that it!? I—!"

"That's not what I meant!" Shinji interrupted in a surprisingly fierce tone. "What I meant was that I couldn't picture you putting yourself on display like that! You know… just… You seem a bit more private than that!"

Asuka weighed his words carefully, her mouth curled in a scowl. With a sharp, 'hmph,' she turned away from the boy, but luckily, she didn't close the channel. "I'm still mad a you. But… I guess you're probably right. Having stooges like you staring at me all the time would be a pain." She emphasized enthusiastically. And then, as if she had not even been offended, she barreled in, "What do you want to do? After Eva?"

Shinji's answer came quickly. "I don't know. I've… never been all that good in school but… I guess I'd probably better finish that off first. Maybe… get a job somewhere. I guess."

Asuka's scowl returned. "You're so boring!" She bellowed. "Big surprise! The invincible Shinji wants a regular job… a regular life… mein gott! How do you live with yourself?"

_He could be so much more. You know that don't you?_

A chill ran down Asuka's spine, and she shook herself, sitting up abruptly, letting her fingers rest on the controls. 'Baka-third? He's one of the three stooges! A nobody! The only thing he has going for him is some decent piloting skills and that's all luck anyway!' Asuka told herself, only a second before realizing that she had just acknowledged the voice even mentally. Responded to it even.

"Asuka…?" Shinji questioned, realizing that something was wrong with the girl, even though he had no idea what it was.

'He's sweet…' The thought crossed the girls mind before she could stop it, and a scowl crossed her face even faster. "I… I'll talk to you later, third." Reaching for the controls, Asuka turned off the com system watching as the screen flashed away, leaving her alone once again, bathed in that strange greenish glow exuded by the inside of the angel and the cockpits own dim lights.

_He is. He would be good for you._

Asuka's glared in hatred, but she had no target for her rage visually. "Get out of my head!" she shouted vainly, but the presence of her mother did not leave her. She could still feel it. Ever since she'd gotten into eva she had felt it, and it was only becoming stronger by the minute.

_You're afraid of yourself, lillim. Afraid of the emotions you have been given. Why do you close your heart away?_

Fear surrounded Asuka in seconds as surely as she was surrounded by LCL. That had not been her mother. A… genderless voice, echoing in her mind, and decorating it with fear, searching her… gnawing at her innermost thoughts. Somehow, she felt it, only now, clawing into her. It felt… cold.

"What I do is my own business!" She shouted.

_Your own. You hide your heart from pain. You want others to reach in. To take your heart as their own, so you don't have to go through the pain of giving it._

"Wh-what? I don't understand?" She murmured to the room. "I don't want anyone! I don't need anyone!"

_The way of the lillim is to seek others. The way of the lilim is to join together. Friends. Family. Lovers. You are exempt? I see no difference in you lillim. You are not special._

"Get away from me…" She murmured, feeling as if something were holding a fist around her heart and squeezing even as it beat within her. "I don't want you near me! Get away from me!"

And… without reason or any more words, the visage… ghostly and grim hovering within her very soul, vanished. Asuka realized after a time, that her hands hovered over her heart. Her eyes were wet with tears that slowly dissolved into the LCL as they always had, and sweat was pouring down her face, also dissolving.

'Shinji!' She thought worriedly, and her hand dashed for the controls.

"Asuka!" Came his voice, his eyes staring back at her in concern, tears seemed to be trailing down his cheeks in rivers compared to herself. "Asuka you're okay! I'd thought… I'd thought something… Oh Asuka!" Relief spread across him like never before as he stared at her.

Asuka blinked, the tears and fear now almost completely evaporated from her. "I… what do you…."

"What happened, Asuka? You… your com was shut down… for hours! I… Couldn't reach you… I couldn't…"

_Don't worry Asuka. I'm… here._

Asuka shivered. The voice… the voice in her mind… sounded tired. "Dammit Misato…" She cursed, letting her face sag into her hands. Small tears began to crawl down her cheeks. "Get us out of here…"

"Asuka…" Shinji breathed. "It'll… It'll be alri—!"

Without warning, Shinji's com screen disappeared.

* * *

_You are safe. All will be well._

Asuka curled herself into a ball, covering her ears with her hands in mute rage. 'Shut up!' She screamed. 'Shut up! Leave me alone!'

She pushed the button that should open a com screen to Unit 01 for what seemed the millionth time. Nothing. Again. Nothing! "Dammit Shinji… please… I'm begging you… be okay…" She wept into the controls. Again she pressed the button. Nothing. "I'm going insane…" She whispered finally.

Just before the com had gone out, nearly four hours ago, had been the last time Asuka had spoken with Shinji… with anyone, save the voice in her mind. Soon after that, she had found that something had changed during the four hours or so that had simply disappeared with the angel's words.

It was cold. Very cold. Encasing herself in a ball, and rubbing her hands and feet together, creating friction within the formula seemed to be the only way to keep her fingers from going numb from the unbearable frozen liquid that now seemed to be seeping into her lungs and turning her mind to ice.

_All will be well. Asuka._

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" She bellowed into the darkness but the presence did not leave. She felt it, lingering all around her. Encasing her. It seeped within her plug suit to caress her skin making her shiver in false delight, that left just as quickly, leaving her once more in the freezing cold of reality. Her breath quickened as she felt imaginary soothing touches and caresses that she could have sworn were really and truly her mother wrapping her arms around her.

But it wasn't her mother. It was madness. Madness!

'But it's warm…' Her traitorous mind thought. 'If… If I'm insane… I won't feel cold. Would it be so bad to just… just let her… hold me?'

_Trust me._

Asuka shook her head furiously. Spreading her legs back into the cockpit she slammed her hand down on the controls. She had to talk! To someone. Anyone! She had to talk to push out this voice! She wouldn't let insanity take her… she wouldn't become like her mother! She wouldn't!

Her fist smashed onto the com button and, without any reason, instantly… finally… a screen appeared showing Shinji, curled up to keep from freezing, just as she had been.

"Asuka?" He stuttered, as if… as if waking from a dream. His lips were blue and he looked as cold as she felt, staring at her through the darkness that seemed to be growing darker with each passing minute.

But there was light still.

"Shinji! Oh god, Shinji! You're… you're alright!" She exhaled in thankful, undeniable joy. She didn't care how she looked. She didn't care about anything… only that… that someone was here! That she… wasn't alone. "I'm… I thought you might've…"

"Asuka… what's…? K-Kami-sama…" The boy stuttered, as his hands drifted around himself to ward off the biting chill. "What happened?"

"It… it happened to me too. It talked to you… d-didn't it? The angel?" Asuka asked, her voice cracking.

"Asuka I…" The boy began, realizing what happened. Why Asuka was acting so… different. It was the same for him. He'd disappeared from her com screen for hours. Nothing worked. His mind returned to the angel… that terrifying voice… prying into him. Gripping his heart, burrowing into his mind. "I… I'm sorry, Asuka."

Asuka tried… really tried to bring up the usual anger his irritating apologies normally brought on. She couldn't do it. How many hours had passed? How much longer until the LCL began to crystallize within their lungs? How much longer? How could she be angry when… when her life could end in a matter of hours? "I… you… baka!" She exclaimed, but it had no malice. Not a drop. Only joy… and madness.

_You are safe, mein engel._

Tears began spilling out of Asuka's eyes. "Stop telling me that!" She screamed. "Get out of my head!" Curling herself into a ball as pitiable as Shinji's she buried her head in her knees and squeezed her head with her hands, apparently not hearing the cracks of her A10-Nerve clips.

"Asuka…?" Shinji asked warily. He'd never seen Asuka like this. Always, she'd been a pillar of strength. Always her! She'd always been the one to put him down, the brave one, the smart one! The pilot he looked up to. To see her like this… it was like seeing the flaws in a childhood hero, now watching with an older, more critical eye. He did not like it, and now more than every before, he wished he could talk to her.

"Get out of my head… get out of my head…" Shinji heard the girl murmuring. "You're not real! Please…" It was barely more than a whisper but Shinji could make the words out. "

"Asuka… are you okay?" Foolish question, Shinji knew… but… how else could he ask? Suddenly it struck him. "I… will you… talk to me? Tell me about your nightmares? I… don't know how much it'll help but… I want to help you Asuka." 'If we're going to die, I want to be with you…'

Asuka's eyes trailed up to stare at Shinji. 'Why do you close your heart away?' The angel had asked. Why? She hated having to depend on anyone, that was why. She hated being weak. Being… vulnerable. But… 'I don't want to die with no one knowing me…' She thought grimly. 'I don't want to die insane.'

"Sh-Shinji…" She said, bringing up courage she'd never known she'd had. "I… When I was… When I was little… about seven or so, maybe younger, I don't really remember, I… My mom… She went mad."

Shinji's eyes stared raptly at his screen and he listened as Asuka's story spilled from her own mouth for the first time. Her mother's insanity, the doll, so strangely symbolic of her life. Her anger and desire to be the best, all a wall to defend her true self. To keep anyone and everyone away.

As he listened, he knew, that if somehow… someway, they got out of this, he would never be able to look at the pilot of Unit 02 the same way again.

* * *

Somehow, Asuka was smiling. Somehow… she was… happy. She felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, but that was such a mundane descriptive. It was as if she had been dragging the full weight of a thousand suns, and had only just realized that she could… let someone else carry a few for her. Shinji… baka Shinji… now he knew. Now he… knew her… her deepest fears. Her… secrets… It made her feel so unbearably weak but at the same time… strong.

It had not taken long to pull the conversation to his own nightmares. His own fears. "You're… just like me." She murmured, as she stared at him. Calm had come over her. If… if this was how she was to die… well… she could think of many better ways, but this… this was enough. It was far better then dying alone, with only voices to plague her.

She did not tell him of the voice of her dead mother in her mind. She could not tell him that… no one could know of that… but… somehow… that voice had disappeared. As she spoke to Shinji, she heard it's pleas to trust her less and less. As if… as if her mother felt she was leaving her in safe hands.

'No,' she told herself firmly. 'More like I'm receiving therapy for insanity.' Either way, she felt better then… better then she had ever felt, bar the fact that her life going to end in less than an hour. She could feel it in her bones. Soon… very soon, the energy expended to keep the LCL in fluid form would run out… The LCL would crystallize and her lungs and heart would collapse.

"Maybe I am…" Shinji replied. "We… just went opposite ways. You push everyone away by beating them at everything… while I…"

Asuka smirked but it had no real fire. She was going to die… there was no room for anger among people she had trusted with everything. "You hide away behind that stupid SDAT player."

Shinji grinned, now seeing the barb for what it was. Seeing… her for who she was for the first time.

Asuka felt similar, staring back at him.

'Maybe… the angel was right?' She thought, as another shiver ran down her back. 'We… need others. Maybe… we weren't meant to be alone. None of us.' What had the angels ever done? Had they intended to cause the second impact all those years ago? Had that been their intent? Or had that been human… lillim stupidity? What did they even want now? To cause third impact… or so she was told. Did they truly want humanity to die? Was that what they wanted?

Asuka… she was alive now. The angel could kill them at any time it wished… but it didn't. And she… felt it. The angel was still there… watching… perhaps listening to them talk.

Asuka shook herself… all of this was irrelevant… she… was going to die soon.

Suddenly, she felt it. Within her, sudden lack of breath. A hardness… developing in her…

She looked over to Shinji and he stared back at her. His hand shot to his heart, but he managed to keep a smile… for her. "I guess this is goodbye… Asuka…" he manage to get out, as he felt his lungs beginning to collapse.

Asuka felt similar, her own eva's power deteriorating to nothing. "Y-yeah. H-heh heh. Hey baka…" She gulped, the words becoming strained. "D-did… I ever tell you…? I like you…?" She asked. Not bad last words… not bad…

"I… guess… you just did… Asu… ka."

Asuka closed her eyes as her breath became labored. There was pain. She knew there would be pain… but… she could imagine worse pain. The fire from the eighth burning through her D-Type armor had hurt worse. She was strong…

Suddenly, something touched her cheek… straining, Asuka manage to open her eyes.

"Mother?" She asked.

Dimly, she thought she heard Shinji murmur the same thing.

Then, all was dark.

* * *

A hand sliced out through the shell of the twelfth angel's shadow, to Misato's surprise and Ritsuko's complete shock. Blood spewed everywhere, as a roar that could teach rocks to fear shattered the silence of the city.

"That's not possible!" The blonde doctor exclaimed as she stared in horror. A leg sliced through the shadowy sphere, this one red with both paint and blood. Another arm burst out from the other side holding a progressive knife in rage.

Staring through the hole in the side of the sphere, a pair of white eyes glowed brightly in the dim light of the fading afternoon. All at once, the angel seemed to explode, and two horrendous crashes resounded throughout the city. They roared into the sky, the two demonic evangelions, both painted red in the blood of their foe, bellowing a challenge that could shake heaven's gates.

Rei, standing nearby, who had been attempting to neutralize the angel's AT field, stared placidly. Even so, she couldn't help a small spike of fear pinning into her back as she turned away.

"My God… what did we copy it from? What!?" Ritsuko exclaimed, and Misato couldn't help but silently rehash the question.

"Eject the pilots…! Make sure their okay! Immediately!" Misato exclaimed, still staring in horror.

_****__**  
end part one**_

* * *

_****__**author's notes:  
**_

_****__**Hey eva fans. I hope this gets a good response. I think I've got a pretty darned original fic planned out here. Reviews are greatly appreciated.  
**_

_****__**Till Next!**_

_****__**MB**_


	2. part two

_**neon genesis evangelion fanfic  
by materia-blade**_

* * *

_**-rapture-**_

* * *

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**part two – heart proof**_

* * *

Asuka slid a finger up to her cheek, as she wearily felt her eyes blink open, protesting the intense rays of sunlight filtering in through the irritating hospital window. White sheets adorned her with white walls, a white ceiling, white tape pasted over gleaming silver, and unsurprisingly white tools. Almost everything was as white as it could get.

"I'm… alive?" She breathed, weakly, staring at her fingers in wonder. "How? How could they possibly have saved us… me…?" Looking down her body, she found that she was indeed alive. Her arms and legs seemed fine. Everything seemed to be in working order.

"Asuka!" Came a desperate shout, and Asuka looked up to see Misato staring down at her from the doorway, tears dripping down her cheeks. The woman dashed to her in abject glee and came to hover beside her, kneeling down and hugging her. For some strange reason, Asuka felt… warm. More so then she would have expected at least.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Asuka!" Misato breathed, in relief.

Slowly, Asuka let her arms trail around her guardian. Hell, Asuka didn't think she would be too remiss in calling the woman somewhat of a mother figure. Somewhat… but no one would ever really replace her mother. No one ever could.

_Thank you._

Asuka heard the voice. The same as before… but not the same. She listened. Truly listened. As she hugged the joyous woman, a tear or two slid out of her own cheeks; her thoughts drifted back. The image. The ghost. She could have sworn she had seen her mother. A spectral version of her mother, speaking with this… same voice. For normal people that would be just a worse sign of madness but… what if…? Her mother had been a scientist for Gehirn… it was obvious to her now that the Evangelion was no mere robot. It… held a connection… what if…?

She shook herself. Thinking like this would do her no good. In a rare show of affection, she tightened her hug around Misato. This woman… cared for her, as her step-mother… as her father even, never had. It was… warm. That was the only way she could think of to describe it.

But she knew… madness or not, this voice… it was the only thing that could have saved her. Madness or not, it deserved... 'You're welcome.' She thought back at it. Somehow, she felt as if the voice giggled, in a small bit of abject glee.

Blindsiding her, her own name drifted across the room and she turned to stare, in mute shock. He was alright too!? "Asuka…" Shinji. That was Shinji. Across the room and at the door she saw him standing there, even as Misato's arms lay wrapped around her.

"Shinji…!" It wasn't quite a gasp. He stood there, just fine, wearing his own hospital clothes. After a moment to get over the shock of seeing him alive… hell of _being_ alive, Asuka's face settled into a small smile; she let her eyes drift across the boy staring down at her in shock. It was obvious he was still having the same problems as her. That not one, but both of them had survived. It seemed… no… it _was _a miracle.

Almost fondly, Asuka let the words fall from her lips with what was near a giggle of delight. "Ante baka… You stupid… stupid baka…" Asuka tightened her grip on the blue haired woman even further, trying to keep a tear from falling down her cheek.

Abruptly, what was happening struck her. Baka-Shinji! This… this couldn't be happening! No! A deep frown crossed her face. She put menace into the words, anger. She'd survived! She'd thought she was going to die but she survived! Dammit! She wasn't supposed to survive! Not now that he… he… _knew!_ Time to build back up the walls. She couldn't let him near her. She couldn't let _anyone_ near her! She _couldn't! _"What the hell did you think you were doing, getting us caught in that?! Baka! We could have been killed! We were _this_ close! You _complete idiot!_"

Shinji's smile didn't falter once as the girl screamed at him. Not one bit! She felt utterly exposed. Her walls meant nothing. Her defense was… nothing! But… at the same time she felt… freed perhaps. She had been prepared to die! Not live with the idiot third children knowing her secrets! Damn! The boy completely ignored her barbs, as if she was throwing water at him, where before she'd been hurling fire; a tear trailed down his cheek. "I'm glad… you're okay Asuka." Soft, words they were… gentle. They pierced her like daggers. It was as if she had no walls at all surrounding her heart anymore. A shiver crawled up her spine, as simultaneously a string in her heart that had never before even been touched, was pulled by the boy's caring words.

It seemed she had made her choice within Eva. There was no turning back now. There would be no going back... She had exposed herself and now she would have to… hope that he... that he didn't…

'Am I… safe?' Was this a good thing? Was it bad? Her innermost thought. Her most important thought. 'Now that you are… close… will you hurt me? Am I safe?' She thought. Her eyes seemed to ask the question across the room silently. She had to know. Did he pity her? No… no he didn't. How could he; he was the same as her. Just like her. Even so… _'Am I safe?'_ The small girl within her begged, reaching out through her older eyes.

And, without even really understanding what was being asked, Shinji nodded. And Asuka felt her heart soar at the silent conviction that simple nod held.

_You are safe._

Shinji's voice, but this really _was_ her imagination. She felt him answering through his nod, but it was as if he had really said the words, right to her. "I'm… glad you're okay too_, third_." She said earnestly. The bit of heat at the end with her demeaning name for him, calling him by his title, was the best jibe she could manage.

It was only then that Asuka realized Misato was darting her head back and forth between the two evangelion pilots, a sinister grin leaking into her features.

"Mister Ikari!" An orderly yelled irritably. "I told you she would be fine! Get back in bed!"

Shinji's face took on the expression of a small child with his hand caught in a cookie jar, as he turned his head back to the hallway, facing a female doctor or nurse out beyond Asuka's view. "H-Hai, Arinosa-san!" The boy stuttered in that irritably shy voice he had.

Shinji left the room quickly, after taking a last lingering look at Asuka. Following the yelling voice of the woman, the boy then bolted, comically 'yes ma'aming' his way out of the room, drops of sweat trailing down his face.

"Heehh…" Misato baited suggestively, a hyena-like snigger forming on her face. "So… Asuka-chaan…?"

A glare brimmed on the second children's face and she sniffed, abruptly turning her head away from her prying guardian.

Misato pouted.

* * *

Rei Ayanami, the first children and designated pilot of Unit 00, churned her arms methodically against the calm water of Nerv's underground workout pool. Swimming laps had always been her favorite exercise. Something about the water calmed her in a way that few other things could.

Commander Ikari was one of those things, but she was beginning to suspect it might be possible that commander Ikari was perhaps… _not_ as good a person as she had originally thought.

_He is using you!_

She had taken to ignoring this voice, as it became apparent that as long as she piloted evangelion she would hear it, and clearer the more she piloted. Ever since the first time she had piloted the evangelion, the failed test, she had heard this voice, but then it was nothing more then wordless whispers that meant nothing. Then, they were full of rage… but they had calmed. Somewhere around the seventh or eighth angel she had begun to understand the words. And now… the voice was becoming… bothersome.

A flash. A woman with auburn hair. Stinging eyes. Fluorescent light.

"He made me." She countered stoically, simultaneously pulling herself through the water. She reached the edge swiftly, flipped beneath the water and kicked graciously off the wall to begin swimming back to the other side all in one quick move. "If not to use me then why would he make me?"

_What has he made you? A soldier? You truly are a doll, at least. You are _content_ with this?_

"I am content." She replied, hinting that she was equally shunning her notion of calling her a doll.

_I am not._ _I will see him dead. I will see him dead before the end, for what he has done to you. And… to me. This I swear._

"Why do you hate him so?" Rei asked, her curiosity peaked till it was almost unbearable. She simply could not understand. The strange feelings that had begun developing within her towards the commander's son, pilot Ikari, were still strongly held at bay by that one factor. How could anyone, especially his own son, dislike or distrust commander Ikari?

It simply made no sense. This woman even less. Though… she supposed that no one else knew of the commander's intentions.

_He is a liar. He used me… and then threw me away. The same as he is doing with his own son. The same as he will do to you. When you are no more use to him… he will throw you away like the doll you have become. Where is the girl I once loved so?_

A flash. The auburn haired woman. A smile, small fingers curling around a hand that seemed enormous to her small eyes.

"I am not a doll." Rei stopped swimming and placed her feet on the bottom of the pool, her eyes having taken on a sheen of anger. She began striding to the metal ladder in order to pull herself out of the pool, her steps a bit more pointed then usual. Her eyes too. School would be beginning soon, and it would not do to be late.

_Oh no? Not a doll, are you? How do you think he got rid of me? It was you, Rei. You were growing too wild. Too disobedient. He provoked me… using you. And I killed you. I… I hope you never remember. But I can't let you die… I am sorry._

Rei stopped walking. It was as close to a gasp as she thought she had ever come. Why could she not remember her childhood? Why did she seem to have no childhood, as other students in the school seemed to? She'd thought it was normal. She remembered the day she was born, years ago… remembered the commander giving her life. Remembered. Remembered his smile.

"Welcome to the world, Rei…" She murmured, repeating the first words that gentle man had ever said to her. But… there was something. Something… earlier.

A flash. The auburn haired woman. That room, wires all around her. Afraid. So afraid… but… that smile. The woman with auburn hair.

_He still uses me, even now. But I will have the final say… I will kill him, Rei. I will see him dead. Side with me! Or watch as he throws you away, when you do not follow his every whim._

Rei… felt a strange emotion. One she was not familiar with. She knew pain… Shinji showed her anger. And… happiness. But this was a new emotion, that she had never before felt. Slight pangs of it had touched her before, but she had ignored it.

The voice within her mind chuckled, mercilessly.

_You fear. You fear what I say may be true._

Not a question. It was as if the woman was inside her, mind. She _was_ inside her mind.

A flash. The auburn haired woman. Cards… words… learn to speak, Rei. Learn to write, Rei.

"I do not believe you." Rei said, firmly. Within herself she thought of commander Ikari. His smiles that seemed to lighten the world. How proud he was after she successfully activated Unit 00. How worried he was the first time she tried. His care. His… love? No. It wasn't possible. The commander would never throw her away. "You are wrong about him. He will not throw me away. He uses me because he must."

_He will activate the third. He will find himself unable to trust you. It's already in his scenario. You are too aware. You have wants. _

Shinji Ikari flashed through her mind's eye.

_You have emotions._

The smile she had given Shinji, after the fifth. Taunting Asuka, even in her own, secretive way for the seventh, by syncing nearly perfectly with Shinji for that one moment playing the game. The feel of… happiness, when the tenth failed, helping the other two pilots to stop the city's destruction. So few scenes, but they were there.

_You have dreams._

Countless dreams since she had first begun interacting with the pilot of Unit 01. Plaguing her endlessly. Dreams of what it would be like… to not help the commander… to live on instead of following her destiny…

_You have your own will. He will not trust you. He will replace you with a newborn babe who knows nothing but her father's love. You have seen better than him. _

"I… do not… believe you." She whispered to herself. "I do not!"

A flash. Always. Always the auburn haired woman. Good morning, Rei. Goodnight, Rei. Sleep well, Rei.

_Test him then. Tell him_ no _when he demands one of his _tests! _See how long you remain alive! See how _kind_ he is then!_

Intense pain suddenly erupted within her chest and she fell to her knees clutching her heart desperately. Gasping for breath, she steadied herself on the ground as the pain ebbed away. She felt the black suited men from Section Two appear as if summoned but she waved them off as she stood. She was fine.

'I won't believe that.' She thought hardly, her cold exterior back at maximum, focused by the pain. 'He needs me!'

_I... need you, Rei. _

A flash. The auburn haired woman. Eyes staring into her, arms caressing her, caring for her like no other. I _love_ you, Rei.

_I love you, Rei._

Rei could only walk on in silence.

* * *

Asuka's words, but they echoed in his mind. They hadn't sounded like Asuka. No… they were younger. They were… small. The words of a child, hiding beneath a lioness. They had sung to him, and somehow he had heard them. Now, they were finally home. Finally back at Misato's apartment, having recuperated almost fully, and those three words still rung in his ears.

'Am I safe.' The boy thought, remembering how he had been staring into her eyes. 'Am I safe.' The question was so… so completely opposite from Asuka. So different. So far beneath her endless layers of anger and fortitude that it seemed impossible that they could ever have leaked from her mind. But they had…

And somehow… he'd heard them. That was what scared him the most. First, the voice of his mother… or at least he thought it was his mother. She'd been gone for so long that he had doubts. Still, he felt he could still recall her voice even to this day. And the voice he had heard… it was too close to be coincidence.

'Maybe I'm going insane?' He thought dismally. Then he shook his head. No, that voice was real… At least, he was pretty sure it was. Either way, that wasn't what was important now… what was important was Asuka.

After having left the hospital, and even before, the girl had gone right back to her old ways. She was acting as if nothing was different, but he saw through her now. How he had never seen how much of an act the girl put up before he didn't even know. It was as if the girl had become a cardboard character where before she had been a master actor. Her bellows about being the best? Her anger? It was all a colossal, personality-sized mask. How could she even _think_ he would act the same way after seeing so much… passion from her? How could she _possibly _believe that he could make himself see her as that same girl, after showing him all that she had?

Truthfully, they hadn't seen each other much in the hospital, and now, having finally recovered to a level of normalcy, they were returning to school. It was early morning and Asuka and Misato had yet to awaken, as per the norm. That was one thing Shinji doubted would ever change. The two most important women currently in his life would _always hate mornings._

Shinji remembered the car ride home fondly in some regards. Misato was casually probing them for hints as to what had happened during their long stay together within the angel as she had been every day since they had awoken, but neither Shinji, nor Asuka had been capable of answering, even had they _wanted _to.

The fact was that in order to question them most thoroughly, Misato was driving… _normally. _Truly, Shinji had been terrified that Hell itself would freeze over and Asuka voiced Shinji's opinion for him! Neither of them could possibly think about the other when something so drastic as a _safe_ car ride with Misato was occurring! Still, they _had_ arrived at home. And it was not a five minutes before Shinji found himself cooking and cleaning. Apparently, during Shinji and Asuka's two day coma, after the angel, and subsequent two days of recovery in the hospital, Misato had seen fit to _destroy_ Shinji's previous beliefs that she was a somewhat messy slob.

_Hundreds_ of beer cans littered the house, piled on even a few bottles of harder wines and sake brands that Shinji had never even _heard of._ It was quite obvious to Shinji that there was no way Misato could have done this alone and the boy suspected it was likely that she had invited both Kaji _and_ Ritsuko to join her in melancholy.

Honestly, Shinji was somewhat flattered. He'd imagined that Misato had cared for him and Asuka, after a fashion at least, but… this was… well more than he had expected. It was as if the woman had gone into a pessimistic fit when faced with the possibility that the two pilots could die. Shinji had been told after being recovered from the angel, that it was a miracle that both he and Asuka had recovered. Crystallized LCL was quite difficult to remove from the esophagus… or so he was told.

"Baka! Stop daydreaming! We're going to be late!" The second children exclaimed almost anxiously, and Shinji blinked. How long had he been daydreaming? Glancing across the room he realized that Asuka had awaked and finished her breakfast without even catching his attention! Quite impressive for Asuka… she must be more nervous around him then he'd previously thought.

This was a two-way street though. While he felt he knew Asuka now better then anyone, she knew him as well. His private fears. Questions of why he piloted Eva. For humanity, or so he wished but he couldn't bring up a passion for that. Not even for something so grand. She knew his subconscious yearning for praise, from her… from Misato… from Touji and Kensuke. From Ayanami. And she now knew how much he wished to be accepted… even just a little by his father, as the commander seemed to have done with Ayanami.

He, too, had reason to fear for his secrets.

It had been five days since he or Asuka had been to school and the girl seemed like she had to make up for the lost time, tenfold. Ever since they had gotten back the girl had locked herself in her room studying the kanji of Japan almost religiously.

That was what she said at least. Shinji knew though. Whenever he and Asuka were together, with Misato around at least, the girl acted as if nothing had changed in the slightest. Calling him baka and stooge and demeaning him as she usually did. As if… nothing had changed. Shinji… tried to pretend it didn't hurt, but it did.

True to his word though, he couldn't see her same way as he had. For every cry of idiot, he saw the girl beneath the wall screaming, 'get away!' For every boast, the girl beneath whispered about what a failure she thought she was. And every time she pushed Misato or even him away he felt the loneliness, rolling off her in waves. He couldn't understand how he hadn't seen it… seen _her_ before.

But he knew at least that something was different. That showed during those few times they had managed to be alone for a moment or two. Misato was almost overbearing with unusual paternal affection but, they'd gotten a moment or two. Awkwardness abounded. She blushed. He turned away. She poked her fingers, and tried to speak. He couldn't think of what to say. It seemed that, no matter how much he thought, he simply couldn't find the words.

Now was not one of those times though.

Shinji felt his arm grabbed, realizing just how much he had been daydreaming, with a quick glance at the clock, telling him that school would be starting in a matter of minutes. Following behind Asuka he dashed out the door and down the sidewalk, trying to keep up with her manhandling. Without warning, the girl turned as she ran, and beamed at him in a way he'd never seen.

He smiled back. Finally, something was going right. Finally… he felt he could take on anything.

* * *

"Ay… Ayanami-san!" Touji exclaimed. He stared at the girl, her usual school uniform adorning her as it always did, eyes red as apathetic as they always were. For a few moments the boy thought he'd seen a hint of distress in those creepy red eyes but he decided he must have imagined it.

"Yes Suzuhara-san?" She replied, stoicism dripping from the sides of her voice, not once breaking her stride while Touji fell into step beside her.

The morning was going well for him, as he'd heard a slim rumor that Asuka and Shinji would be back today. They had encountered… something. Something horrifying. For two days Touji had sat in idle terror. He had seen Misato so drunk that he didn't think he could ever look at her the same way again; bags lay under her eyes as she pulled back and took another drink, then tossed the bottle haphazardly across the floor adding yet another to the almost endless amount of littered bottle decorating the floor. Days. Days Touji had feared for the lives of Shinji and the demon. Sure he and Asuka definitely didn't get along… but he didn't want her to die. And… in the small private area in his mind he thought he could call her a friend, if push came to shove.

But now, the morning was going well. Rumor had circulated that whatever had incapacitated Asuka and Shinji for the better part of a week had been overcome. Rumor said that the pilots were okay. Rumor.

Kensuke and his father's information were as useless as a dried well. His father was a technician at Nerv but it seemed that Nerv security had been cracking down on leaks ever since the events with the fourth angel where he and Kensuke had been caught in the middle of the battle. The man was now as tightlipped with information as Rei.

But… It seemed Rei had developed a somewhat looser tongue as of late. "Pilot's Ikari and Sohryu have made a complete recovery and will be returning to school today, Pilot Su... That is, Suzuhara-san." The girl murmured before Touji could even open his mouth.

Relief blasted across Touji in waves. For the past several days he had been asking Ayanami almost desperately about the condition of the two missing pilots. It seemed that he was the only person brave enough to approach the first children, and as such he was instantly pelted with questions, just after receiving Rei's half answers and half truths.

"Pilot's Ikari and Sohryu will be out of school for an unknown period of time, Suzuhara-san."  
"The second and third children are as alive as you or I, Suzuhara-san."  
"They are recovering from battle, Suzuhara-san."

Those weren't the worst of it. Often the girl would simply tell him that the information for which he asked was classified and walk away without another word. And what could he say to that? Today, however… today it had seemed that the girl was no longer being stingy with the information. Best of all, Shinji and Asuka were okay; he didn't think he could receive a better answer. Another one down! Humanity, twelve, Angels, zero! Hah hah! A moment of joy circled his mind before—!

Wait… had she just…? Had she just almost called him… _pilot _Suzuhara?

His eyes widened, and he stared at the girl in surprise. Even more surprising then the title she'd almost referred to him as, was the fact that the girl had… a slip of the tongue. Rei was not one to talk often but he didn't think he had ever heard the girl so much as stutter. When she did speak, it was precise and delivered in a tone that he didn't think had been capable of mistakes.

"Did you just—?" Touji began, but suddenly the girl stopped and faced him so quickly he didn't even see her face move until it was stopped, her eyes locked on him like twin embers in a flame. The girl looked almost, apologetic, but it was without a doubt a harsh apology.

"No." She stated curtly, interrupting him. "I stated nothing. I will see you in class." With that, the blue-haired girl continued walking, the same leisurely pace. The same small steps. The same air of mysteriousness. Somehow she seemed just a bit more human though. A bit more… reachable.

Staring at her as she walked away, Touji's gaze fell down her back. A blush crossed his cheeks, but he did not look away. He had always found the girl to be at the very least in the top two of his class as far as beauty went. He always had held to that firmly since she'd first begun attending, and he hadn't been shy about admitting it… at least when she wasn't around. She was just so unapproachable. Her eyes intimidated everyone.

Without warning, the girl turned back around, and his eyes snapped to hers as fast as her own head had turned just moments before. "Be wary… Touji-san." And then she was walking again.

He thought about her words. Was she ever that direct? Was she… was she trying to… warn him? The girl always seemed to be only half there, always thinking about something else in the back of her mind. Not an unforgivable offence knowing her job. But, just then, it seemed that her thoughts on evangelion and her conversation with him had run down the same path. For just a moment, she'd given him her full attention.

'Pilot Suzuhara.' He thought, tossing the words around and coming away with a bitter taste in his mind. 'I've got a bad feeling…' He decided then that he would be a fool not to take Rei's words to heart. Something was wrong. Something was _definitely_ wrong.

* * *

"Asuka-chan!" Came an almost deliriously joyful squeal as Hikari ran out to them. "You're okay! We were so worried about you! And Shinji! We'd… we were afraid that…"

Shinji, his arm starting to feel a little bit sore from being dragged for block after block to get to the school on time, was relieved when the girl began to wave at Hikari and let go of him. He had no idea he was about to be blindsided.

Asuka gave her usual patented smirk at the girl and slowed from her sprawling run, bringing Shinji to a swift halt right in front of the relieved class representative. She embraced the girl in quick hug. "Come on Hikari. Have some confidence! After all, we're Nerv's best pilots! Do you think so little of us?" For half a moment, the girl acted like she actually meant that, a pained look crossing her face, but then she smiled, completely dropping the topic. "So, what did I miss?"

Leaving the embrace she fell in step and began walking the last forty meters or so to the entrance of the school at a leisurely pace. Laughing, Asuka instantly began chatting almost heatedly with the brown haired girl as if she _hadn't_ just hit Shinji in the gut with a metaphorical bat.

Shinji stood, with his mouth hanging agape. We? _We're, _Nerv's best pilots? _WE?_ Ever since they'd gotten home, nothing had changed. Asuka would blush at him every now and then when Misato wasn't looking. That was all that had changed, or so he'd thought. Without realizing it the boy simpered, an almost euphoric feeling washing over him. All this time he'd thought she… she didn't even…! Well… when he really thought about it, it wasn't _such _a big difference… but still! For her to include him with her? It had always been _I. _Always only _Asuka_ who was the best. Even if it was only subconscious and she hadn't even realized she'd done it… Asuka had praised him.

Half way between him and the school Asuka turned and gave him a glare. "Shinji! Hurry up or you're not gonna make it, baka third!" She turned her face back but briefly, Shinji thought he caught the hint of a secretive smile on her face before it was hidden by her hair.

Shinji scowled, and then glanced at his watch while he began following after. Same old Asuka. Maybe she really hadn't even noticed she'd done it. It still meant something to him.

"Ikari-san." The words came like a soft melody compared to the grating passion that was Asuka's mask. Turning, Shinji Ikari found the serene face of Rei Ayanami greeting him as she would any other morning since the fifth angel. She stopped for a moment, to look at him. Then, a small smile crossed her face. One of those rare smiles that made the entire _day_ seem brighter due to their rarity alone. "You… truly may be late if you do not hurry."

The boy rolled his eyes, and with a chided 'you too?' he began pacing his way to the school's entrance, a good feeling washing through him. 'This is going to be a good day.' He thought, optimistically as he stared at the sun shining above him as if it, too, were smiling.

* * *

_I knew it._

Rei stiffened in her seat. The voice had not spoken for a day. Since she walked to school the previous morning, she had not heard even a whisper out of it. But still, it had touched her; she'd placed a speck of doubt in Rei's soul and the girl had had no choice. Hours of thinking, of fearing what might happen, wondering how he would react…

In the end, she couldn't leave it to chance. The commander… _needed_ _her!_ He wouldn't just… just _end her_ and leave instrumentality to some _other_ Rei. He would use her. It had to be her… her and only her. Surely he would.

That didn't stop the doubts.

_I knew my Rei-chan was there! I knew it! I knew you weren't just a doll. _

Rei's eyes narrowed. She was beginning to _hate_ that word. Even so, she ignored it. This voice was becoming _more_ then bothersome. It had driven her to question the affection of the person who meant everything to her, and now it was acting as if it was _proud _of her. Guilt. That was the emotion she now felt. Knowing you've done something wrong, and feeling remorse for having done it. That was what she felt. Guilt.

A flash. Concern. No, Rei! Don't touch that, Rei! You'll hurt yourself, Rei!

But… she had to know. Now all she had to do was wait. Her assessment of Touji was spot on. It was likely he would reveal that he already suspected he was to be the next evangelion pilot. That would lead to her. There was no one else who could provide such information. No one else was privy to it. The commander would know of her sin. She had never before given out classified information. Never before disobeyed. Would he… would he dispose of her?

'I… don't want to be disposed.' She thought grimly, with a shiver of fear, as she sat at her desk.

_I do not want you to be disposed either, Rei. I am sorry for the past… for the things I have done. _

A flash. Courage. Don't be afraid, Rei. I'm here. I'll protect you. I'll keep you safe. The commander and I, will.

It was running together. They flashed before her eyes but she could no longer push them to the back of her mind. Longer. They were becoming longer. Barely perceptible… they came like lightning, there one minute, perfect in their picture, and then gone. Forgotten like dreams. A younger Rei. A… happy Rei.

A flash, but finally, she could watch it… finally she saw it. Herself. Younger, her eyes brimmed over in a smile, sitting comfortably, between two people. The commander's hand rested on her shoulder. She sat in the lap of… of the auburn haired woman. Of.. Nao-?

It was gone.

A silence held for a time, Rei finding herself unable to come up with the right words. It was an uncomfortable silence, both of them wanting to say something; neither able to do so. Even so, Rei found emotions welling in her. Anger. This woman… after all of her coaxing, now she felt… sorry!?

Rei broke the silence, her tone sharp as nails compared to the normal indifference she exuded. 'You make me fear. You… make me question the reason for my existence. Make me fear the commander will throw me away. Yet now, regret? You hurt me now, more than you did then.'

_How could I regret making you see the truth? I am trying to save you!_

'If what you say is true, the commander will soon dispose of me. How is that saving me?' The girl asked, plainly; bite still laced through her thoughts, and she wished fervently that the voice would go away. This conversation was making her weary.

_The commander can only kill you if you let him use you. He can only steer you to your death. He knows you will not die by human hands anymore. He can make you die! He can make you wish for it! I do not know how he will but I _know_ it will happen! I wish… only to save you. And to do that… I must make you willing to save yourself, instead of dying in vain._

Rei's tone became its quiet self again. And like breaking a wall, she remembered. The flashes, all of them throughout the previous week, blurring together to form pictures, and pictures melding into memories like the pages of a flipbook. The innocent girl who seemed so ignorant. Memories of her childhood. Memories of the other. The first. It all came, like an epiphany. This voice. The person this voice had once been. She knew… she knew everything. And… a tear came to her eye. 'Why did you kill me? Akagi Naoko?"

A flash. A final flash. Betrayal. Old hag. He said those words. Old hag. Why? You cared for me… you…? Why… Okaa-san?

The voice seemed to stiffen, if a voice was capable of such a thing, and that only confirmed it. It cracked, weakly, and had it had a corporeal form, Rei thought she would have seen tears. Rei had suspected the identity of this voice from the day it had first begun speaking to her. Often she'd heard of the famed professor who had created the Magi systems. Rei knew she had been alive when the woman's masterpieces were made. She must have been. Brief flashes... that was all she recalled of life as the first. Flashes… that always ended in a pair of hands circling her throat, staring into a pair of rage filled eyes on a faced covered with auburn hair.

She knew this voice. Even now, in its humility. She had known this woman once. She had… _loved_ this woman once, as she felt for the commander now. Even if she only just now remembered it. _She_ had been her everything once. Naoko. And been she'd betrayed. Completely.

_Because… I am a foolish old woman who… who didn't want to believe she was being used… in the same way you are now. I… love you. And I am sorry. Please, Rei. Trust me! _

Rei felt her heart begin to burn. Love. Love! That was the emotion! That was what she had been taught! What… what Naoko had… had taught… and… The girl gasped as coldness seemed to grip her. She felt the hands closed around her throat, saw the rage filled eyes of the one she'd called mother, and felt the hatred so strongly that she thought she would burst.

"My…" She gasped aloud, clinging to the desk. Sweat poured off her pale skin, but where it had come from and when it had began, she did not know. Her eyes wide but she stared at nothing, she inhaled sharply trying to numb the pain within her, drawing the attention of the class.

"Ayanami-san? Is… something wrong?" She heard the teacher's voice chime in over the roiling pain in her chest. As if her heart had been dunked within a frozen lake. She felt as if she was being stabbed with a scalding hot knife, and she could not tell if the pain was real or only in her mind. Only that it hurt… so much… as her breathing became ragged she was dimly aware of students rising to circle her, in concern.

She rose her eyes, and as she did so, light glistened off the tears sliding down her cheeks, refracting in the minds of those who had never seen so much as a frown on the first children's face. "My heart… hurts…" She breathed, unable to stop the uncharacteristic show of emotion. Her childhood… it had been so full of warmth. Now, her life was cold. Now, _everything_ was cold. And… she hadn't even known…

'I… am a doll…' her mind thought weakly. 'Okaa-san… what did I do wrong? What did I say? I said what… fathe… Commander Ik… what he wanted me to say! A-am I...? What did I do wrong? What did I do _wrong!?_' She felt the emotions of the eight-year-old girl buried deep within her subconscious warring with the stoicism of herself now, and found she could do nothing to stop the tears. Guilt, upon guilt welled within her, and suddenly she _was, _that young girl once again. And she had done something terribly wrong. But… she didn't understand… what.

_You're not a doll…_

The class stared in shock. Every last one of them… in utter shock as Rei Ayanami had a nervous breakdown. Quite tears they were, but each of them echoed like hammers in the ears of those around her. The first children had always been a pillar of stoic strength; an unapproachable enigma. But now…?

"What did I do wrong…?" The girl whispered through the tears she could not stop, the words blurred into her arm and desk, as she lay her head down. She didn't want their eyes on her…

"A-Ayanami…san…" Touji. She thought it was… Touji. She couldn't tell. She didn't care.

"What did I do… wrong…?"

_Nothing… you did nothing… My Rei-chan. My dear Rei…_

Rei's own weeping was only eclipsed by that of Naoko, within her mind.

* * *

Shinji and Asuka were both still in almost complete shock when they arrived at home. They more than anyone else they supposed. They'd seen the situations that the placid first children had kept her cool under. They'd seen her face pain _unending_ and merely wince, if that. They'd seen her face death and merely frown at it. What could possibly… _-possibly- _shake that kind of control? To such a level?

"Maybe… it was just the straw that broke the camel's back?" Asuka murmured, turning to Shinji for some sort of conversation. That was a saying that she admitted had originated in America but she'd first heard it in Germany and she thought perhaps it fit well here. It was the first words she'd spoken since seeing the girl break down like that, practically.

Shinji eyed her oddly, his eyes confused, obviously having never heard the common saying, and the girl sighed exasperatedly, as she always did. "Lemme, guess. You don't get it."

The boy smiled, in a falsely happy tone. "Not in the least, Asuka-chan." He spoke, his eyes betraying slight laughter, dimmed over by the enormity of the situation. Something that could cause Rei Ayanami to break into tears... He shivered.

Asuka, too, shivered. She for more than one reason. Rei. Wondergirl. The girl had higher security clearance then she had. Could that be it? Could she have found out something so terrible that… No… that didn't seem right. So… what was it? What could possibly make the first child seem so… non _wondergirlish! _Then she glared at Shinji. It was like the boy had become a damn mirror. Before he had been so easy to tease. Before… all this. Now things were different completely… and he didn't even seem to notice. Once only a week ago, for joking at him for not getting what she meant he would have become defensive... not just casually admitted his ignorance and brush her off.

She hadn't acted differently. Oh no, she had acted the same as she always did! She wouldn't be changing for that dimwitted stoo… Oh who the hell was she kidding? She blushed like a damn school-girl every time they were alone and she felt like a klutz just being around him. He had… power over her now. He could… ruin her… he could do anything he wanted, with just even a hint of blackmail or… anything. But Shinji wasn't like that.

And... she couldn't help but… _like_ that. She felt safe… almost so much so that she felt foolish for even _questioning_ her safety when she had awoken in the hospital those four days ago. And of course, that feeling of security made her pride simply _burn_ as if being tortured with a scalding hot prod. Thus causing her to take it out on him… so there had been a change… just in the motive, not the delivery. Where before her barbs had made the boy fight back or ignore her or… or at least made him angry, now they did little more than provoke that small knowing smile, or perhaps a slightly pained look that clearly stated she'd gone too far. And she felt guilt at those. _Strong_ guilt. Like… like betraying a…

A loved one.

Another shiver, and the red-head shook herself. A loved one? Phaw! More like betraying a… a particularly well liked puppy! That was all. Or at least, that was what she tried to tell herself. But every night since the twelfth she had thought of him. His mother… dead so similar to hers. The feelings she had felt when she was alone with him for so long. The insanity that seemed to have all but completely disappeared… for now at least. Because of him.

So they entered the apartment both of them called home with a smile and a yawn. She sat and began watching television, and he joined her for a short time… very short in fact. The awkward silence, which somehow seemed even more silent with the television drowning the afternoon news into the air, only added to the small blush that crept up Asuka's face. He too seemed to be dwelling on the events that occurred within the twelfth, and more so with every glance at her face. For a moment it seemed he would actually try to bring up those events… but he chickened out and then moved into the kitchen to prepare dinner for her and Misato's eventual return later in the evening.

'I'm such an _idiot!_' She cursed frantically in her mind; as soon as he was out of sight the girl began pulling her hair madly, wildly displacing her signature A-10 Nerve Clips. 'Why the hell did I say that to him, at the end? I don't like baka-third!'

_You do. _

'You again?' Asuka sighed. 'I don't need my… my damn _insanity_ to give me relationship advice!' The girl screamed in her head, overpowering the sound of pots and pans clanking around in the kitchen.

_You do!_

The voice seemed to _laugh_ at her, its merry imitation of her mother creating a nostalgic sensation within the girl that she forcibly ground down on with all of her might… and still was not able to entirely crush. How she… wished her mother could be with her… now.

_I am here, Asuka. And closer by the day._

Asuka… had no way to respond to that. So she decided at that moment, that she would attempt to ignore it, as she had when she thought it had been just a figment of her imagination… not some genetic trait left by her insane mother.

'Don't think of her like that!' She chided herself. 'It was that accident… it wasn't her fault!' She, sincerely, hoped so.

_Do you wish to know… what truly happened that day? It was not my fault. I would not have wished your fate upon you… Asuka._

Asuka rolled over on the couch and squeezed her hands tightly over her ears in an attempt to show that she had no intention of listening to the ravings of her madness. She would not give in. She would be strong!

_I think, the more you hide yourself away, the weaker you become._

"I'm home!" came a cheerful cry from the front room as Misato entered the apartment. Asuka blinked in surprise and stared at the television, realizing that it was now much later then she had anticipated. Where had all that time gone? She shrugged it off realizing she must have fallen asleep on the couch. The irritating crinkle running down her back and neck seemed to agree with that synopsis.

"Welcome home, Misato-san!" Shinji called from the kitchen, not bothering to poke his head out like he usually would have. "I'll have diner ready in about fifteen or twenty minutes."

Misato grinned, and then flopped down on the couch beside Asuka, happily shoving the girl aside enough for her to lay down, leaving the second children scrunched against the couch's arm.

"Hey! I had it first!" She cried angrily, shoving the older woman, but failing in her first, light attempt to push her off the couch.

Misato pulled down her eye and stuck out her tongue in the most mature fashion Asuka could have ever imagined. The red-head scoffed and stood in a huff, and Misato grinned in delight at the action, stretching her legs to cover the full extent of the couch's length. Asuka sniffed loudly and took the chair, pointedly ignoring her giggling immature guardian, paying heavy attention to the television.

"What's for dinner, Shinji-kun?" Misato called loudly, as she grabbed the remote and began flipping the channels. For a moment, she pinned Asuka with an odd look, as the news channel was quite boring for the most part, and it seemed odd that the child would be watching it. The girl was ignoring her though.

Flip. Flip. Flip. Nothing. Flip. Flip. Nothing.

Asuka watched the channels flashing by, but she didn't really see them. Her mind had drifted away, back to this morning… to Rei.

"Rei had a nervous breakdown today." The second children stated plainly, her eyes not moving from the television.

Misato sobered. She hadn't thought about the effects on the other children. "I know… I heard at least. She's at Nerv."

"Is she…" Asuka hesitated. She didn't want to act like she _cared_ about Wondergirl… but… the truth was she did. She'd been through life and death situations with the first child and… she did care for her. In a competitive sort of way at the least. "What happened to her? Do you know why? Why she…?"

"She didn't say anything. Ever since she stopped crying, she didn't say anything. I know the commander got her to talk to him… but I don't know what was said." She's her usual self now, it seems.

"I see…" Asuka replied, somberly.

"Is she okay?" Shinji's voice came from behind the couch and Asuka's eyes darted to him against her will, then returned to the television with just as much haste.

_Why couldn't you ask that? Why is it so hard for you to show that you care for others?_

"She's going to be fine, or so it seems. She's… a hard girl to read. I don't really understand her. Rits said she'd be keeping the girl overnight to make sure her mental conditions settled down and make sure everything's a-oh-kay. She'll probably be gone from school for a few days though." The major replied, throwing her glance and words over towards Shinji, as Asuka had delved back into the television.

Truthfully, the red-head hadn't seen a single frame.

'I don't… I don't want to have to depend on anybody! I don't want… what happened to you to… what happened to my _mother_… to happen again.' Asuka corrected herself but she felt she was falling to this voice's persuasive tone. How long could she hold on…? How long could she keep herself from believing everything this voice said, just because it spoke with her mother's tongue? How long?

_What could make you believe that I am real? What could make you see, that I am not madness. I am… your true mother. _

Before, Asuka knew, she would have denied even answering. Denied… and ignored and shunned. But now, after the twelfth… 'Proof.' She replied. 'Something solid… that could make you real?'

_I… will do my best. I will show you… the only way that I can. _

Kyoko's voice left her mind and Asuka sighed. Whether it was a sigh of relief or one of disappointment she wasn't really sure. If only… if only it really was her mother…

She shrugged and turned back to the television. It was a little while later, perhaps ten minutes or so when she heard Shinji quietly chime in that dinner was ready. "Bout time, baka! It never takes this long. What _did_ you make?" She knew Misato had asked the question earlier, but she hadn't heard the answer.

"I made a—!"

The alarm sounded, blaring the early sleepers awake to the dim light of the seven o'clock setting sun.

"Please, all citizens evacuate to your designated shelters. This is not a drill. Repeat, all citizens evacuate to your designated shelters. This is not a drill." A robotic female voice surfed in, clamoring over everything.

"What the..!? Another one? Already! Damn and it smells really good too!" Asuka whined, but she knew she was doing so.

Shinji flushed at the compliment that once again, the second children didn't even seem to realize she'd given him. He couldn't say he minded but he wished for once the girl would just… bah… he didn't know what he wanted.

"What the hell!?" Misato was yelling and Asuka realized the woman had been yelling now for quite some time. "Call dammit! Why don't I know what's going on!?"

As if on cue, Misato's cellular phone began ringing. "Bout' damn time!" The major responded, fully back on the clock. "Report!"

A few moments of silence echoed, Asuka and Shinji frantically watched Misato. So soon? They barely felt they'd recovered at all!

'I'm… not ready yet! I can't handle another one so soon!' Asuka thought frantically, as she wait for Misato to speak. It wasn't a long wait.

"_What!?_ What do you mean Unit 02's _loose?"_ The major's face paled at the answer and she turned to give Asuka a fearful glance. "Wh-what could be…? … Well find out! I'll be there as soon as I—!"

_-boom-_

A small earthquake… shaking everything. Or… the footstep of an unimaginably tall protector of humanity.

Asuka raced to the window, followed by Shinji as fast as she could. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary but…

_-boom-_

Another footstep. Closer. Stronger. "What is going on, Misato!" Shinji called frantically as Asuka stared out the window. Slowly, she walked to the door. 'It can't be…' She thought, terrified.

"It simply… can't be…" She murmured, stepping outside the small door of the apartment, to lean over the interior balcony, as it appeared many other neighbors were doing.

_-boom-_

Heavier… Asuka had to grab the guardrail to keep her balance, and Shinji toppled to the floor as he tried to follow her out onto the balcony, Misato collapsing over him, phone now deftly in her pocket.

"Come on Asuka! We have to get to Nerv! Something's wrong with Unit 02! It's… it's escaped the cages! It's in the city!" Misato cried, as she desperately tried to get off the crushed third children, rush daunting her.

"I don't think… we'll have to _go_ to Nerv… Misato…" Asuka said slowly, just before a gigantic foot came down right in front of Asuka's face. The other patrons of the apartment and the one in the next building jumped back in utter terror, the very foundation of their buildings shaking with the colossal power the small foot exuded on a simple step.

"Unit… 02…?" Asuka questioned as she reached out and touched the metal of the gigantic calf that was all she could see of the thing she'd always thought of as a mere robot. Until the twelfth… until five days ago.

_Is this… enough… Asuka? Is this enough… to make you believe…?_

The words echoed in her mind but they seemed loud as the roar that punctured the air as soon as they had finished.

Asuka… reached out… tentatively reached out and touched the strong red metal. Running her hands along it slowly. 'M-Mama… It's… really you? In Eva… All along? All…" The girl began to sniff, almost piteously as she touched the metal. People were staring at her in shock, but she didn't care. She didn't care at all. Shock. Terror. Hope. They all welled in a geyser of emotion, that made her feel like bursting.

_I have always been watching you… Asuka. _

Joy so strong she could hardly hold it back obliterated her senses. "It's… you! It's really you!" She shouted, unable to contain it. Unable to even comprehend…

"A-Asuka…" Misato murmured, staring at the girl. What was going on? What in the world…?

Shinji too, stared at Asuka, unable to make heads or tails of the girl's unnatural enthusiasm. He noticed her eyes wetten and he made to move towards her. "Asuka… what's happening?"

In response, Asuka turned to them, desperately trying to hold back the tears she so wanted to shed. Her mother… all this time… her mother! She… she wanted to sing. "Something… wonderful…" The girl cooed, in the most uncharacteristically lovely voice Shinji had ever heard her use, tears of joy now streaming down her face.

"As-Asuka! Oh, damn, not you too!" Misato exclaimed, wiping the girl's almost unseeing eyes.

'I love you, Mama… I love you… I'm sorry for all the things I said. I… I'm sorry… I didn't know! I…' Asuka's mind was melting with happiness and guilt and emotions that had only just recently even _heard_ of the light of day, now exploding forth from her like a volcano.

Kyoko Sohryu merely laughed in delight.

Evangelion Unit 02 roared along with her.

_**  
end part two**_

* * *

**_author's notes:_**

**_Shorter chapter this time. Sorry bout that, but _joy! _FF (dot) net decided to be kind and NOT milk all of my formatting. I didn't have to go back through and fix _everything_ like I did last time. Yay!_**

**_I really hope you all enjoyed this, as it's finally getting closer to the fun parts! Next chapter we start seeing a bit of the hidden but promised Touji/Rei interaction. This chapter is a bit of grief and a bit of joy. Next will plummet a bit down again. _**

**_Reviews are and will always be greatly appreciated! The more I get, the faster I want to write too! So please give more!_**

_**Till next!**_

**_MB_**


	3. part three

_**a neon genesis evangelion fanfic  
by materia-blade**_

* * *

_**-rapture-**_

* * *

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**part three – life trade**_

* * *

Asuka stared vacantly or so it seemed. She had not spoken for a day. Had not moved for hours. It barely seemed as if the girl had even breathed. But her eyes. Her eyes were the only thing that showed that behind her unmoving figure… behind that smile… something was happening.

"It's like she'd turned into Rei or something!" Maya exclaimed when she could no longer take it. She stared down once again at the terminal showing three or four camera viewings of cage seven where Unit 02 was kept. The redhead sat on the catwalk, staring into the four vacant eyes of her Evangelion, as if deciphering some string of code so complex that Maya could not even _see_ it, let alone begin to understand.

Or… perhaps she was just staring… because she didn't have a clue how the Evangelion had self activated. Regardless, something had shocked the poor girl. Seeing her Evangelion moving without a plug had… _done_ something to the second children. And the caring side of Maya Ibuki wished she knew what.

Ritsuko Akagi had a hypothesis for everything, and she was usually very up-front about giving the most likely one. This was no different. Being a scientist of considerable merit however, she was prone to giving the most likely hypothesis as fact right from the get-go. More often then not, that scientific guess proved correct. This time, it was as far off as she could get. "She's afraid. Think about it. She's been piloting Evangelion Unit 02 for so long that it's probably like a... best friend to her. Whatever caused Eva to move… it's surely scared her. We weren't performing a test or _anything._ The thing just got up and pulled its way out of the cages and tore through the Geofront like walls of armor were nothing more than paper. And now she has to _pilot_ that! Wouldn't you be afraid?"

"But I thought the commander said it was on lockdown!?" Maya responded, clearly distressed. "Don't tell me he's already—!"

"Unit 02 is still completely frozen and will be until such a time as it seems safe to pilot for the second children. Until then… all we can really do is wait, and hope Asuka's brave enough to get back in." Ritsuko murmured, she too staring into the screen where Asuka sat, bravely staring up at the gigantic head of her Evangelion.

Almost like she was provoking it.

Ritsuko sighed, and leaned in speaking into the microphone closest to where the second children sat. "Asuka. You need to go _home!_ We've got Unit 02 under control and it isn't going anywhere. There's no way it could get out of all that bakelite!"

Asuka sniffed, irritated at the jibe. She had not been home since yesterday, when her Evangelion had self activated and her entire world had been flipped upside down. She'd been shown unquestionable proof that her mother… god in heaven… her _mother_ was… Well… not exactly alive… but… just here! It was enough. It was so much…

She recalled comparing telling Shinji of her past to letting him help carry the weight of a thousands suns. Now, the suns that she once hauled on her shoulders had become as light-bulbs, almost as weightless as a spring breeze. Her heart felt light. Her… entire being felt like she'd been saved.

Or… at least… she _had._

'Please… please speak. I know you're there now… I know you're real… so… just… speak to me, okay?' The girl asked silently, as she stood, her eyes never leaving the Evangelion. The monster that contained the soul of her mother did nothing. The voice of Kyoko Sohryu had not spoken since it had been frozen in bakelite and Asuka now felt like she'd been thrown her wildest dream, only to have it snatched back.

She faced the camera Ritsuko's voice had echoed from and nodded solemnly. Words? Were they even worth it? She didn't want to speak… she didn't even want to think. Her mother… She walked away, down to the changing room to get out of the plugsuit. For some reason the strange suit comforted her. Made things easier for her when she was around Eva. When she was in the cages, that suit was the only thing that felt natural to be wearing. So she had done so. And so had she sat in front of the cages. All night last night. All day today.

No voices in her mind. No roaring Evangelion to greet her. Nothing. Nothing.

'Goodbye… Mama. I'll come again tomorrow. Please… please speak. I know you're real. I believe you now, so…' Asuka gave one final glance to the Evangelion. And then she turned away. The voice had plagued her for so long that now without it pestering her at all hours of the day and night, she felt lonely. And depressed.

Asuka barely noticed her walk home. Even in the dead of night, she had no worries about her safety; if there was any place she felt _truly_ safe, it was Tokyo. There was no one who didn't know her face. There were few who didn't wish her well every day. Some grumbled that her antics had destroyed their vehicle or crushed their house… or some other such problem. But how could anyone argue that their life had been inconvenienced when the simple fact that they were alive to do so hanging right behind them lay so strongly in Asuka's back pocket? How could anyone's anger hold when faced with that?

The truth was it couldn't. And while a few grumbled, Asuka was greeted warmly almost wherever she went. Few faces were as recognizable as hers and she had a strong reputation for being very kind and well liked by any who would pay her a compliment, show gratitude, or even give a simple smile to her.

Things like that never hurt anyone… and only made her walls stronger.

Her useless walls.

Today was not a normal day. No smiles were found on the second children's face, and she walked home staring at the ground. Asuka felt a shiver as she walked on, the lights of the middle of the night making her feel like a very small person indeed. She felt stripped of everything she loved once again. And so… she began to berate herself. Like she always did. It was the only thing she could do. 'Why… dammit Asuka, why the hell did you let yourself believe? Trust yourself! Only yourself! That was the promise you made! So why the hell did you… you…'

She wouldn't cry. Not again. Not… for her mother. Not again.

The red-head glanced at the digital clock as soon as she entered the small apartment. She hadn't seen a clock in what felt like weeks. It was about one thirty in the morning. She shivered. She knew she'd stared there a day but she hadn't realized she'd been gone for the entirety of last evening and the entire day on top of that.

Suddenly, her stomach gave a loud angry roar at its maltreatment. "I'm… hungry…" She thought. Despite the food her stomach demanded, she ignored its cry. Grief had stolen her appetite.

'That's… what you get Asuka. No less then what you deserve! You're going insane and you're just going to have to face facts! Unit 02 getting up on its own was just a fluke! A fluke, not your dead mother come back to life, okay?! So stop moping and deal with it!' But she couldn't. No matter how much she told herself to, she could not bring herself to just… just get over it. She felt like she'd lost everything all over again.

And… she just didn't have the energy to muster a smile.

"At least this time I didn't walk in on her noose…" She thought grimly as she solemnly walked into her room. Suddenly a bang echoed throughout the house jolting her eyes to the kitchen where a light flickered once or twice and popped on.

"T-t-tt-ta!" Came the angry hiss of Shinji Ikari. The idiot. It sounded like he stubbed his toe or something.

Curiosity, or perhaps her hunger… certainly not Shinji himself… getting the better of her, she poked her head through the open doorway and saw that the boy had indeed stubbed his toe on that damn table leg that always seemed a bit too wide. She'd done that before once or twice herself, when up for a late night snack.

Asuka let out a quiet sigh. He hadn't noticed her… She realized quickly that she wasn't really inclined to talk right at that moment. Not to baka Shinji anyway.

'Dammit, speak! I know what I was hearing was you! I _know_ it!' Thought the hopeful child that lay within her, begging for her mother.

"Asuka! Y-you're back!" Shinji exclaimed, shocking the red-head. "I… Me and Misato-san were worried! I…"

Asuka gulped, just now realizing that she now stood alone with Shinji, a smile of abject relief on his face that made her temperature boil. She wasn't sick! It's not like she'd had a heart attack, or had been injured or anything like that! She didn't need his god-damned pity!

'_No no!_ You aren't hurt at _all!_ Not like your heart isn't _shattered_ in a million pieces or anything, is it? Damn you and your stupid walls! You don't know _anything!_' The small girl in her mind screamed at her, and Asuka flinched.

"I… I'm fine." She replied to Shinji, her voice leaking none of her usual emotion, nor any of the heartbreaking betrayal that she felt sweeping over her.

Shinji watched the girl jerk, harshly and her dim words made him worry all the more. No 'I'm the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu! Nothing could get me down!' None of that self confidence crap –he knew it for crap now- that she spewed all the time? Either… either she was finally opening up to him on a personal level… or things were so terrible that she was now hiding behind walls of cotton.

"Are you… sure?" Shinji asked. "You… you must be hungry at least? Want a sandwich or something?"

Her stomach didn't growl… She told herself it didn't… _exactly growl. _More like the plea of a baby bird abandoned by its mother. After that, she couldn't help the nod that came almost unbidden to her neck muscles. "Yeah… Yeah… I think I could use a sandwich right now." She said somberly.

A small smile spread across Shinji's face as he handed her the most savory looking thing she had ever seen between two pieces of white bread.

"Here. I'll make another. I didn't eat any yet so it's not a big deal." He said, in his usual complacent tone, as he stood and began fetching the materials he had just put away to create another of those mouthwatering turkey sandwiches. "You… sure you don't wanna talk…? Or anything?" He asked.

'Yes! God yes! Please… Please… tell me I'm not insane, Shinji! Tell me I'm… tell me… what I heard… was real… please…'

"It's nothing." She replied, her strongest effort burning within her to keep her voice solid. "Th-thanks a lot, for… for the sandwich. I'll… I'll see you in the morning…"

Asuka walked back into her room, gobbling on the sandwich that she hadn't realized she'd wanted so badly, leaving Shinji alone in the kitchen once again, worrying more about the second children then he ever had before.

"You… aren't insane, Asuka." He murmured, just as her door opened. He didn't know what made those words seem like the right words to say… he just felt… somehow they would do some good. He doubted she could hear him anyway.

Asuka stiffened, in near abject horror. He couldn't have… there was… no way… Silently, she stumbled on into her room, ignoring the words she'd thought she'd heard. That… must have been it. Just her imagination.

Shinji Ikari sighed. Something was wrong with Asuka. That was certain enough. But it seemed it would take another life or death situation to get the stubborn girl to tell him what was wrong so he could help! Gah! It was infuriating!

Suddenly Shinji fell to the floor in shock, his heart burning like a furnace. He rolled on the ground, a hand clutching his chest with enough power to crack walnuts. He couldn't scream. He couldn't do anything! His mouth wouldn't work!

"As… Asu…"

Burning! Burning! Like his heart had been shoved into a furnace! _Burning!_

And suddenly, it was gone. As if it were nothing more then a dream. As if… it hadn't even happened. Shinji found himself in a cold sweat, chills running down his back. That was no heartburn. Something was wrong…

Weakly, he got to his feet. It was two o'clock. He… seemed alright now. Whatever it was, it could wait till tomorrow's sync test. Then he would consult Ritsuko on what the hell it was that was giving him these intense heart pains. He just felt glad he hadn't yet had one in public. That would make headlines. He could see it now. _"Pilot Suffers Chronic Heartburns! Is Tokyo III Safe?" _Yeah. That would be popular.

He wandered into his room, his sandwich all but forgotten, turning the light off as he went, and lay down on his bed. Fitting the earphones of his SDAT player accordingly, he rewound the tape and let it go on auto-play.

Another day tomorrow. Another day living.

* * *

Silence. Silence, had stood for what felt like hours as the two stared at each other. Neither had blinked but then, perhaps he had. She could not tell, due to the glasses hiding his eyes from her view.

The office, likely one of the largest in the entire world, was almost completely black. A dim blue light highlighted the clear desk brown desk in the center and around the ring that was the outskirts of the room, upon the circular walls, glyphs in ancient Latin and Hebrew and other scriptures long forgotten lay engraved into the hard tiles, dimly lit, each by their own similar blue glow.

Rei's red eyes held on and she would not drop. She would not be turned away. "Is it true?" She repeated for the second time. Then she lay her demand. "You will tell me… or I will find out another way. But I _will_ know."

The man did not move, nor did he react to her threat.

The silence seemed to burden the incredible office with tension that the elder Ikari did not even seem to feel. Ayanami Rei felt it. Now. Now she could feel things. It was a dim, partial recollection of feeling she knew that her small, self, the one raised by Naoko, had known. Emotions. Laugher. Anger. Rage. Happiness. Nervousness. Tension. Apprehension… Love.

She could feel them all now… She could feel just how powerful they all were… She could feel just how little of them she knew. And she wanted them. She _wanted them! _But… what had they led to?

A thousand scenarios had run through her head. Had the commander realized the error that had occurred by allowing Naoko to raise her, and seen fit to correct it, giving her a new life without emotions? Was _that_ what had happened?

Or… had she simply developed too much, all that time ago, and had to be cut down, as Naoko told her?

It was a question of who to believe. Naoko… the woman she could remember feeling so much love from. Warmth. Compassion. Caring. All these feelings that she had felt Shinji Ikari had brought her so far in understanding, she now realized that she had known nothing.

She still knew nothing.

But she… _wanted to know!_

"You've known. You've been told from the start, that you were the second Rei. Yet now you put stories to the first. _Now_, you think you've remembered a past that is not true."

"So you deny it." Rei replied plainly.

"I deny you nothing, Rei." Gendo stated calmly, hiding whatever thoughts he held behind his mask of cold indifference and his glasses. "I never have."

Rei's eyes became slits. "You deny me emotion!" She exclaimed, slamming her fists down on the barren desk, her eyes glaring into his glasses. In her rage, she snagged them and ripped them from his face, lobbing them across the office, listening to the delightful crunch of plastic on metal floors.

That was anger. She was getting _good_ at that one. Asuka set a good example.

But…

Gendo's eyes were… not what she expected, and her rage shriveled and died. A tired man lay there. A beaten man, or so it seemed. "I deny you… nothing, Rei. You go to your school. You are allowed to make friends. Why else would I put you there? You know what they teach. I had hoped, you would never remember your past. I had hoped… you would not know the pain Naoko put you through. She… betrayed me… by killing you."

_He lies! I tell you he is lying! He used you! He used you to provoke me into killing you! He told you what to say!_

'You… still killed me… You. Not him.' Rei replied in her mind. As Rei stared into his eyes, so soft compared to the cold man she had once known, leaning over the desk in what had been hatred, she felt her own new emotions beginning quell. 'Is he a liar? Or is it she… who lies?'

...

'Or maybe they both speak true.'

_I… I know. You… have no reason to trust me. But please… if you want to live _please! _Before it's too late… and I lose you once again._

'I don't… I don't understand!' She screamed in her head. Staring into Gendo's eyes… soft and drawing. Feeling Naoko… the one who she remembered killing her… but… also… _loving_ her!

"I don't understand!" The girl screamed. "Why! Why would you hide who I am from me? Why wouldn't you—!" She stopped, her eyes desperately searching his for anything… anything indicating the slightest hint of malice. She saw none. All she saw was utter regret billowing under tired eyes. She'd never seen Gendo so…

Naoko. Remorse. She felt the woman's pain in her gut as if it were a visible thing that she could touch and feel! Her regret.. her… _love!_

There was no way to choose. The voice in her mind. The man before her and his repentant eyes. There was no way she could see to choose one over the other. She turned and dashed away, crying again. Crying… crying… always crying! But she just couldn't seem to stop. She ran, out of his office, out of Nerv as fast as she could.

Home. Home, where nothing changed. Her bed. It didn't burn her with torrents of emotions that she wasn't ready to handle. Her shower. It didn't scald her with horrifying images, nor did it deny her the ability to understand the very things she was feeling! Maybe… maybe with any luck, it could wash away the worry. Wash away everything and bring her back to the old Rei, who didn't feel anything…

She wanted… she wanted to be that Rei again.

Maybe… Commander Ikari had been right… to deny her emotions… They hurt too much.

Gendo watched her, cameras designed to follow her every movement, gazing on her as she ran all the way to her private apartment, skipping escalator steps, and brushing by people without a second thought. He stood and walked to the corner of his room, idly picking up his glasses. Placing them once again over his eyes, he strode back to his desk to sit, still watching the girl as she ran on the holograms displayed before him.

"She seems to remember everything." Fuyutsuki said, showing himself from one behind one of the hidden areas of the room.

"Yes." Gendo replied, placing his hands in front of his face and crossing them as was customary. "This was not unexpected."

"It was unlikely." Kozo countered. "But I suppose this means you'll be changing the plan."

"It changes nothing but a date. Tell Doctor Akagi to begin preparations for the third." Commander Ikari stated coldly, his eyes never leaving the girl, still desperately crying as she ran to reach her bed.

"Yes, commander." Kozo replied fading into the darkness.

Beneath his folded hands, Commander Ikari gave a single grin. There were no contingencies he had not foreseen. Everything was going according to plan.

* * *

"Asuka! When did you get home?" Shouted a surprisingly _awake _Major Katsuragi, as she stared down in shock at the second children, who was also awake with what seemed to be a relatively small amount of bags beneath her eyes.

"Very early this morning." Came the red-head's stoic response. She was already eating food that, to Shinji's complete shock, the girl had prepared for herself. In all honesty, the stuff, eggs he thought but he'd never seen them cooked in such a fashion, looked surprisingly good. He'd always assumed Asuka couldn't cook based on how much she preferred to let him do so. Perhaps he'd been wrong. Just when he thought he knew something about the girl, she went and turned a one eighty on him.

Asuka finished her breakfast in silence, stood, and left without a word, walking to the school as if in a daze. Shinji was forced to rush to catch up, his and Misato's own breakfast having only just gotten off the stove while she was leaving. "Gotta run, Misato! Bye!" He exclaimed while he dashed for the exit to catch up with the somber red-head.

"Vye!" The major replied cheerfully, eggs half in, half out of her mouth.

Shinji caught up with Asuka about half way to the school, running with a piece of toast finally gobbled down his throat, he came up beside her, slowing to the same pace her uncannily slow walk. He looked at her for a moment, but she did not seem to… care one way or another, so absorbed was she on her inner thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked casually, placing his hands behind his head, keeping pace with her.

"Nothing."

They walked on. A few more steps. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

More steps. More silent steps.

"It's not your problem, Shinji. Just… leave me alone." She replied, her voice not even becoming angry. Not even a hint!

"Asuka…?" He stopped and watched her walk on for a time. But what could he do? Nothing. As always. Nothing.

They arrived at school with plenty of time to spare… a rare thing for both of them. And… Asuka, acted all the more strangely.

Even her best friend was not sufficient to bring out even the slightest bit of her usual temper. Asuka walked passed the joyous Hikari Horaki with little more then a glance, and a casual, 'leave me alone' for her efforts. Even, Touji, her vile nemesis, couldn't get a rise out of her.

The day progressed in a depressive state. Those students who _weren't_ worried about Asuka _became_ worried about her as it became apparent that her depression was not lifting. She sat at her desk in a dull mood and, without knowing it, that affected everyone.

Lives were invested in the confidence and power of the pilots. Whether they cared or not, everyone in this city lay cradled atop the precarious shoulders of the three children. And their mood, their feelings… affected everyone.

Rei, breaking down in tears, had produced a unanimous pouring of negative emotions among the students of the school. No one had any idea what was wrong with Asuka, but whatever it was, it was likely related to whatever had happened to Rei, right?

And so Shinji was pelted with worried looks and questions from all sides.

"_Shinji-kun? Did… something happen to Asuka? I know that an Angel attacked yesterday or something… did it… hurt her or… something?" _Hikari's message came with urgency over the laptop room connections almost as soon as the girl was seated.

He searched out Hikari's eyes and found them to be as desperate as she sounded over the text. Other eyes, all looking at him questioning or staring at the girl with worry, or worse, at Rei Ayanami's empty seat, with open fear.

'Rei-san… what happened to you?' Shinji thought quietly as he thought of how best to reply. Unit 02 self-activating was considered among the _most classified_ of the classified information Shinji had been entrusted with since he began his employment at Nerv. So divulging _anything_ related to that incident could easily landing him in one of Nerv's luxurious prison cells.

'And Asuka… you too. What the heck is wrong with you two?' He thought as he typed out generic and likely, unsatisfying responses to his worried classmates. 'And whatever it is… is it going to happen to me too?'

"Touji Suzuhara, please report to the principal's office. Touji Suzuhara, please report to the principal's office." Toned a lighthearted voice aloud through the speakers held within the laptops on the desks.

Touji looked apprehensive, and Shinji could only sigh, and wonder what it was his friend had done _this time. _Probably nothing too bad. The lady didn't seem angry like she usually did.

In fact, the woman sounded almost… sympathetic?

Eh. It wasn't his problem.

* * *

A day passed.

Another day.

Another day.

A weekend.

Another day.

Nothing changed. Asuka remained the same, withdrawn girl that she had become for some reason still unknown to him. She didn't speak unless she was spoken to, and even then only the barest minimum of words. And… late in the night, there were tears. Not nightmares. No. The girl was fully awake and crying her eyes out. And Shinji just… lay there wishing there was something he could do.

The girl didn't even seem to realize… didn't even seem to _notice_ just how much like… like _Rei_ she had become. At that thought, a shiver crawled up Shinji's spine and he wondered. Was Rei once like _Asuka_ used to be!? And Evangelion had… made her into… Surely not…! Evangelion didn't suck the _emotion_ out of them… that just wasn't _possible! B_ut… it seemed like that was what had happened. It was as if all of Asuka's emotions had just been pulled right out, leaving only apathy for everything and sheer lifelessness in its wake.

The girl woke earlier then him, her eyes becoming more and more bloodshot, giving Shinji the impression that the girl wasn't sleeping. And after school, she didn't walk home.

She went to Nerv.

Just like Rei used to. Rei, who hadn't gone to school in almost a week now. Who Shinji had not seen since she broke down crying in the middle of class… Just like… Asuka did every night, when it was late, and she thought everyone was asleep.

Either way, Shinji couldn't take it anymore. He simply _had_ to do something.

It didn't matter what he did. He just _had _to do something. Or he would probably go insane. He wanted his old Asuka back! The one who demanded he cook for her because she was too damn lazy to do it herself! The one who woke up so late he could hardly stand it, and then had the nerve to blame him for being late to school! The one who… hid behind walls of self confidence to push people away.

Walls didn't even matter anymore. There was simply nothing to the girl now.

Which was why he was following her. Though, apparently, not as secretly as he had assumed.

"Stop following me Shinji. You aren't any good at it." The girl toned after a time. Shinji knew the girl had probably known the whole time, but he still couldn't help but at least try to remain secretive about it.

"Asuka." He stated, his tone firm, as he crept out from behind the building that had been his hiding place. He was surprised at just how strong his voice sounded in his own ears but the situation had led him to it. This simply had to end.

"What, third?" The girl asked, turning for the first time to look at him. Was that a hint of irritation? Great!

Shinji was conflicted, his own bravery warring with the fact that this was Asuka, his fallen idol. He looked up to Asuka in ways that he had never looked up to anyone. Her confidence. Her will. Her self assured ability to do anything. Be it a wall or not, it was _inspiring!_ How could he make the girl realize just how strong she was, when it seemed even she had lost the fire that had once driven her so?

The girl turned on her heels and began walking away. "If you don't have anything to say—!"

That was it. That was the final straw. "What is wrong with you, dammit!" He barked, surprising even himself with his ferocity. "And I swear to god if you say 'nothing' one more time, I'll… I'll…!"

"You'll what, Shinji?" The girl asked. Even the fact that she was calling him by his _name_ was a stain on the girl that he normally knew. _She_ would _never_ use his name in a situation like this.

It was cruel… he knew it was cruel… but he had no other option. Asuka was falling and if she didn't come out with what was wrong so he could at least try to help then he would go insane right along with her! "I'll… tell your secrets, Asuka."

Finally, a reaction… Not the one he expected. Asuka's eyes widened in shock… and then fell back… fell back to hurt, and worry, and… without warning she was the vulnerable girl about to die within the belly of the twelfth angel once again.

"Y-You said… you said I was safe! You said you wouldn't…! Wouldn't… H-How _dare _you!" She screamed, both hurt, and with no small amount of hate burning in the eyes that for so long had lost all of their passion.

Despite what it had taken, Shinji felt it was worth it.

"What do you expect me to do Asuka?" The boy responded harshly, trying to keep her guilty eyes from making him do nothing more then apologize. "Don't you see what's happening to you!? I can't take it! Don't you know how much I look up to you!? Did what I told you in the twelfth mean nothing!?" He burst, his worry and apprehension that had been building for the past week finally filled to the brim. He couldn't take it anymore! He couldn't stand seeing her like this!

"I… Th-the twelfth meant everything! I… I'm showing you this aren't I? I… trust you… Damn me for it." The girl silently pulled back, tears of fear welling in her eyes, along with, to Shinji's near-joy, the anger she once carried with her. The fire that was Asuka.

"It's not enough… Just because… because _something_ happened, that's no reason for you to give up on living! Don't you realize who your acting like? You're… you're like a doll!" The boy exclaimed, having only just barely bit back using Rei's name.

Asuka stiffened, and her hand suddenly flashed to her heart. Her hands began digging into the thin school uniform she wore. Her breathing quickened, as if her heart were burning, but her eyes never left him. "H-How could you..? After… after everything I told you!?"

She looked as if she were in pain- real physical pain from his words- but he couldn't stop now. "It's what you've become! You're… Asuka! You're acting just like Rei! Like the doll you always called her!"

"Stop calling me that!" She screamed in fury, the tears in her eyes melting with the hate burning behind them. "D-Don't you _ever_ call me that! Y-You don't have any idea!"

"Yes I do…" Shinji began. He looked her square in the eyes. Telling himself it was for the best. Telling himself that whatever was ailing Asuka would at the very least come to the fore by this, he stared her down and finished with one word.

"Doll."

A red light lit up in Asuka's eyes, and that was the last thing Shinji saw before the ground erupted in a raging, burning fury.

A flash of red! Heat! Pain, worse than any he could ever remember.

And then blissful darkness.

* * *

"Shinji! Shinji!" She tried to hold them back, the cries that exuded her weakness like a plague, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't lose him! Not him too! Not right after losing…

His eyes opening slowly made hear heart leap in joy. Tears trailed down her cheeks and she felt as if a new life had been born in her soul. God!

"Asu…ka…? What… happened…?" He asked, his voice hoarse. Blood trailed down his head, soaking his scraggly hair. The giant shard of glass lodged in his right arm looked sickening but the girl didn't care. She didn't care at all. He was awake! Her arms flashed around him, and she hugged herself to him like a lifeline, lying there on the concrete.

Gods… if she'd lost him too… if she'd…

"I… I thought you might be…!" The red-head stuttered, staring into his eyes, and then dropping her face bawling into his shoulder, and Shinji felt his arm… the other one burned for some reason and his body hurt everywhere… but he could manage to lift the one arm and place it around her. He felt his skin across her back, her haphazard hair feeling soft against him.

"Asuka…! You're… smiling…!" He whispered, reaching a weak hand up to softly caress her cheek. What the hell had happened? "Asuka… what…?"

He felt intense heat coming from his right and the sound of crackling flames. Something was burning. There were screams. They were echoing everywhere, but he could see no one, he could only see the sky, and that was marred only by a thin layer of red hair draped across his face.. He twitched in a lame attempt to rise and pain flashed through him.

"Agh! Ahh…" He jerked in reaction to the intense pain and the girl backed off him, but didn't get up, her hips still connected over his.

"Don't try to get up, baka!" She exclaimed, heatedly. Just like his Asuka. Just like… the _real_ Asuka. "I'll… here…!" She said, staring at the gigantic glass shard, blood leaking down his arm as she tried to reposition him. Make him more comfortable. Do _something!_

Dammit where the hell was Section Two when you needed it!?

Shinji felt dizzy, but it wasn't so bad. The fifth's beam had hurt more than this… he kept telling himself that. Pain burned everywhere. His back, his chest, his arm felt like a knife had been stabbed through them all but he couldn't see what was ailing any of them. He could barely move his head. His legs felt like they'd been dragged through thorn bushes.

Where was his left shoe…?

"D-don't move!" She ordered, and he heard a ripping sound. Oh… she was… ripping her yellow sundress…? She loved that dress... 'Oh god…' he moaned as he felt cloth touch his burning leg and wrap around it tightly, making the pain a bit less, after the initial sting wore off. Despite her order, he lay his head, to the side and did his best to remain perfectly still… but he couldn't help dropping his jaw in horror.

Before him lay the remains of the once bustling _29__th__ Street _that led from the school to the closest entrance to Nerv's complex. Houses lay in burning in shambles, flames billowing up from rooftops that lay scattered about the road, detached from their homes. Cars flipped on their end in every direction. Telephone wires lay scattered all about, several wires no more then a few feet from where he lay, brimming with sparking electricity. A cellular tower lay in shambles, having crushed at least six houses in its fall in the distance. Trees that had been left merely for decoration in the bustling city were blown all the way out, their roots visible. Buildings lay toppled on both sides of the street as far as he could see, beyond the bleary rubble and smoke billowing from everything. Ashes burned his eyes but he could not bring himself to blink.

Body parts lay jutting from beneath heavy machinery... An arm here… a leg there. "Oh god…" Shinji quivered, bile rising in his throat, but somehow, he held it down. Somehow… People lay in the streets, too. A man lay rolling on the ground in agony, clutching at a… a stub where a hand should have been. People lay in all sorts of disarray against a segment of road that seemed to have been lifted up from out of the ground, or a topple house. Most of them were unconscious.

Some weren't so lucky.

Screams… endless screams billowed up surrounding the crackling flames in a mood that made Shinji cringe in fear. "Asu… Asu… ka…" He whispered… tears coming to his eyes. He couldn't believe… couldn't… so… so many! "What…? Ang… Angel?"

"Don't look…" She begged, turning his face into her eyes. "I… I don't know what happened… eve… everything… just exploded before my eyes! One second you were there, talking to me… and then…" The girl cried, her eyes brimmed with tears. "Sh-Shinji! I… I can't lose you! I can't lose you, too! So please… don't leave me."

Shinji felt his head swimming. "I… I won't…" He soothed, and then let out a harsh yelp, the pain overwhelming him. Talking _hurt!_ His back _burned_ as if he had skid along the sidewalk.

He probably had.

Screams. Screams! God dammit stop screaming! But… Shinji was okay. He knew… he'd suffered through worse than this. It just… hurt like hell. Dizzy. _Soo… dizzy!_

Suddenly, dimly, the sound of sirens began to echo in the distance. Already? How long had he been out? How long had it been before Asuka had found him?

…

Wait…

"Asu… Asuka… how are…? Why aren't you hurt…?" He stuttered, feeling his consciousness slipping.

Asuka only met his eyes, tears trailing down her cheeks in rivers. "I… I'm sorry! I'm so… sorry…" The girl whimpered, burying her face in his shoulder again.

Through his pain, Shinji barked a laugh. Asuka… apologizing? That was new. Weakly, for the second time, he lifted his arm from her back and brought it to her face, lifting her eyes back to his, even as he felt the world begin to dim. Too much blood loss. His other hand felt strange... But it didn't matter, staring into her shining red eyes. "The… The Asuka I know… doesn't apologize! N-Not to… ahh… to baka third."

Wait… _red_ eyes?

"Baka… _Baka_! Yes she does dammit!" She screamed overcome with guilt, terror beginning to lace through her as his eyes began to droop. "No…! No don't fall… come on Shinji! Stay awake! Sh-Shinji! Shin—!"

More tears fell down her eyes, the shining red orbs softening into a gentle beauty that he had only ever seen on one other girl. His last thought was of just how well those deep red eyes suited the fiery girl… and how little the tears did.

"Don't cry…" he demanded weakly, as the last vestiges of consciousness left him.

"B-Baka!" Asuka screamed, still staring down at him. Frantically, she lay her head against his chest, and relief blazed through her. A heartbeat… he… he was only sleeping.

Quivering… she opened her palms, terrified of what she would see. What she had seen. And new sight greeted her. Opening a new pair of eyes. Two eyes red eyes, just like her own, stared back at her from their position imbedded in her palms… _seeing _herself in their gaze, as if looking through her own, normal eyes.

Terror flowing throw her, she raised her hand, and her vision flew. An _eye…_ in her _hand! _She could _see from her hand!_

Then, scaring her even more, the two eyes vanished and her second sight was gone, as if it had never been.

"Wh-what the hell is happening to me…?" The girl whispered. She clutched onto Shinji hugging him closer than ever as the sirens grew in their blaring signal of aid.

* * *

Tap! Tap! Tap!

Rei twitched.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

She knew what that meant. It had been only a short time ago when someone knocking on the door as a signal of requesting entry was a foreign concept to her. But now she knew. Memories bubbling up had told her so much.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

Days she had lay in this cold, uninviting bed, with only her lime walls, hard mattress, hard wood floors, and bloodied bandages to comfort her. It was disgusting to her now. It was vile, and wretched and ugly. But at least it was safe. At least it was a place where she could hide away. It was easier to tune out her voice here. Easier… but…

"I hate this place…" She murmured. The darkness surrounding her did not answer.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

The small bits of light seeping through the cracks in the bottom of the doorway, shaded where the two feet of the person beyond did little to light the dark room, and the closed shutters did even less. She lay beneath her blankets, tuning out the rest of the world.

But… the box had been opened and she could not help but want more.

And so, yawning, she threw her legs off the side of the bed. Whoever was at the door was persistent, but she was so used to people simply entering if they needed her that she was surprised at how helpful the bit of information from her eight year old memories had been, when she realized the function of the 'knocking' concept.

"I'm not dressed decently enough to answer the door," She said to the room suddenly, with clarity that she had never before possessed. A small hint of red rushed to her cheeks and she quickly dressed, throwing on a pair of sweat pants that she had been given long ago for exercising in the gym.

Walking to the door, bags under her eyes, she opened it without a word to find the back of the person who had been knocking a few steps away, having only just turned, thinking she had not been present.

"Suzuhara-san." She said, the words drifting to him softly, and he jerked around harshly, a shaky smile on his face that made him look quite goofy.

_He is cute. You are attracted to boys like him, are you not?_

Rei flushed. Slightly. But only slightly. Then coldly, imitating the harsh voice she had once only been able to use in her mind, she though, 'Boys will not help me serve Commander Ikari's purpose for me. Nor will anything you speak of.'

_That is a definite 'yes'._

If the voice had a corporeal form, Rei would have glared at it. That, at least, would have hidden the fully flushed look her face had developed.

"R-Rei! You were… here after all!" He said, quickly. He had a nervous edge about him that spoke volumes to Rei now. Volumes that she could comprehend now. He was twitchy. He felt he should not be here, but had come anyway. He was looking for assistance.

He was… afraid of her.

That wasn't very comforting.

"Is there something you require, Touji?" She asked, doing her best to imitate the Rei Ayanami that he knew. The girl she no longer was.

"Well… first off, I was wanting to know if you were okay! Well… not just me. Everyone's been worried about you. I… are you alright, Ayanami-san?" He asked; two parts concern for her, one part fear and one part worry for the fate of everyone else should she _not_ be okay, were about the partitions of emotion she detected from her classmate.

And that made her smile.

"I'm… I'll be alright, in time, Touji-san. And… you can call me Rei." She returned, giving him the shy grin that showed she was glad he seemed to care. Something Touji had never before seen upon the face of Rei Ayanami. The boy blushed profusely, standing there in her doorway like an idiot, staring at her in sweat pants and a white t-shirt.

"Ah… sure… Rei." He said, tasting the name on his tongue like a particularly delicious mint. "Ah… listen… I know you were trying to warn me… that day..."

Rei winced. She'd almost completely forgotten that in light of her awakening. Her little plan… to annoy the commander with a… hah… with giving out a bit of information that would be found out no more then half a week later. She'd been… so naïve… It had taken the memories of an eight year old to show her… just how naïve. But now… she thought she was going to be okay. The commander… hadn't sent for her. He had allowed her to skip the sync tests for the past couple of days, allowing her a 'sick leave' of sorts.

She had tested Commander Ikari to the limits, in her emotional stupor, and she still was alive. She was not dead, with the Third Rei awakened to take her place… Proving Naoko a liar. But still the voice would not leave her alone. Even so, she was able to ignore the dead woman's tantrums and jabs.

She was alive… and despite her emotion… despite her newfound life… Commander Ikari… _needed_ her. And she would do anything he asked. Instrumentality would be implemented through Gendo Ikari's scenario. With her as its controller.

_Do you… truly want to unite the souls of everyone, Rei? Is that what you wish?_

Shinji Ikari flashed through her mind. Followed by Touji in tandem, and she glanced up at the boy with a flush spreading across her face.

'I… the commander wishes to—!'

_I asked what you wish for, Rei. Don't you have a right to your own dreams? Your own life? I know how you pine after the Commander's son. And… perhaps not _just_ Shinji either._

Rei twitched. She motioned for Touji to come inside and flipped on the light switch to her small apartment, and he followed her without a word. "I assume you wish to speak to me about the decision to make _you_ the fourth children." She said, her tone becoming somber.

"I… well… yeah." Touji replied, his usual comic grin no where to be found.

Then Rei surprised him.

The blue haired girl fell to her knees and bowed before Touji, laying her head low. "I apologize, Touji-san. I… the reason I told you of that, when the information was heavily classified, was for personal gain only. I'm… very sorry."

Touji's eyes shot up in surprise. "Sorry!? What for!?" He asked, shocked. "If you hadn't warned me, I would've been blind-sided and had no idea what to say! I… Anyway. I came to ask you… for advice."

Rei blinked. "Advice? What could I advise you on, Touji-san?" She asked, confused. She was not particularly capable of answering questions for schoolwork. She knew the material of course, but she was… well… not so good with speaking.

_You are getting better._

"I… They're going to offer my sister treatment at Nerv's headquarters. I… they say she'll be up in just a few weeks instead of the months they've insisted on, where she's at now." Touji said, his voice becoming burdened and heavy. "I… I'm worried about her. And… they say they'll move her if I become a pilot but…"

Rei was struck by the compassion Touji held for his younger sister. Rei had heard of the girl in passing but had never met her. So… _this_ was what he needed advice on.

_Fight for another, or run for himself. Well… we know what you would do. And you will be cut down in doing so. Just like he will. _

The voice was mocking her. Mocking her, and she would not have it. This was the voice of the woman who had killed her over no more then a few words. A… _madwoman. _She had been created by Commander Ikari. Was it not logical for her to owe her life to the one who gave it to her?

_Is it not logical to live a life for oneself? Is it not logical to chase your own dreams, instead of those of an old bastard?_

Rei's eyes narrowed. 'Is it not _logical_ to expect insults from an eight year old girl!? Murderer." She accused harshly.

The voice… quivered, and gave a small whimper. Then it died away from her mind, a dim apology floating away with it. A small swelling of guilt welled up in the blue-haired girl's conscience but she steadied herself. This was the side she had chosen.

"Y-you see… I don't want to intrude," Touji continued, "since you seemed pretty… stressed and all…" He trailed, trying to find the right words. "But I was hoping, since you warned me in the first place, that you'd be able to tell me what you think I should… ah… should do."

Rei was surprised… but… happy. Inside she felt joy in Touji's confidence in her. Enjoyment at the fact that, of the three pilots to seek, he had chosen her to come to. He had chosen her…

"I… I wanted to ask Shinji and Asuka what they thought of it too! But… well, with Shinji injured… Asuka's been acting really weird too, so…" Touji blurted nervously at the girl's thoughtful expression.

For a moment, Rei's eyes fell downcast. 'So he didn't choose to come to her for advise…' But that was immediately forgotten.

"Pilot Ikari is injured?!" She jerked with deliria. Sh-Shinji had been injured!? And she had not been informed? When? How!?

Touji held up his hands, and Rei removed hers from his shirt, only just realizing that she had grabbed his collar in desperation. "I… gomen nasai... but… I had not been informed that…"

"Y-Yeah. They… they won't tell me what happened either but I heard one of the orderlies mention that they were in the accidental weapon's malfunction on 29th Street. Asuka was lucky… but Shinji. Well… he's okay, but that's all they told me."

Rei sighed in relief. Relief… what a… joyous emotion. So much better than worry. She thought she loved the emotion of relief. "I… am glad." She said softly.

"Yeah. Me too." He responded, obviously happy that the girl had let go of his collar. Rei… Rei had been… _angry! _And…. Happy… and… Good god, was she blushing?

Noticing Touji's rather curious stare at her, Rei took the topic back to its original course without pause. "Touji-san… I… I know the care Nerv's Rescue division will provide for your sibling is of the highest quality. They say she will recover in mere weeks if moved, and they do not lie. But… for you, yourself. I… Touji-san, if you were to become a pilot… I would be glad to fight beside you."

Touji's face broke out in a grin. "Well… I… I think that's all I needed, Rei." He said with a laugh. "Just… if I get in over my head, could you… ya know, be sure to pull me out of the fire?"

Rei smiled. "Of course, Pilot Suzuhara."

Touji gave a grin of his own. He thought he could really come to like seeing that smile. He'd said it before… but only now did he realize just how true his own thoughts were.

Rei Ayanami was beautiful.

Triply so when she smiled.

* * *

"Connecting main power!"

'Something is wrong.' Touji thought, sitting inside his evangelion.

"All circuits transmitting!"  
"Roger!"  
"A-10 nerve connections: normal!"

LCL filled his lungs but he knew that that was not the problem. Something was wrong.

"Language Japanese: confirmed!

"Something's wrong…" He murmured, quietly under his breath.

"Pilot's syncro-graph fluctuating! Touji! Calm down! It's alright! Everything is going fine okay?"

Touji didn't know the nameless person. He stared down into his hands and felt something… something incredible. Something… powerful.

"S-Something is not right!" He shouted suddenly.

"All preliminary contacts established!"

"Fourth Children! Touji! You have to calm down!" Touji heard Misato's voice but a presence surrounded him. Echoing around him, he heard as if through a glass barrier. He saw her face on the screen. Saw her lips moving but the sound was… dimmed.

For some reason… he wasn't afraid.

His eyes glazed over… and suddenly, he was no longer Touji Suzuhara.

He took no pleasure in breaking his restraints. Felt no joy at standing, knowing his feet were squashing the little things below that the lillim constructed. The little creatures ran everywhere. It was not his fault if their paths led them beneath his feet. So like ants. But they meant nothing. They were just… just lillim. Nothing to be worried over. They would all be returning to the one, if he succeeded anyway. And he _wanted_ to succeed! So… he moved. To where _it_ lay. To where he felt the key, a blazing beacon. All he had to do was… reach out… and grab it!

And Evangelion Unit 03 walked, alarms and destruction burning in its wake.

* * *

Alarms blared everywhere, as they always did when an Angel attacked. People grumbled as if it were a mere chore, a slow hitch in their step as they melodramatically filed into the shelters one by one. So common these days, that for those brave enough to stay, it was almost boring. They filtered in and only when the roar of some vague monster in the distance resounded in each of their ears did their pace quicken.

But one was different. Rei Ayanami was running. Running like she never had before. Winded could not even _begin_ to describe how tired she was. Sweat trailed from her brow, soaking her eyes in stinging irritation, that she was only barely able to ignore. Her lungs heaved with both air and the pressure of the weight of her guilt.

'Touji…' She thought desperately, as the information her nameless informant had given her relayed over and over in her head.

"Touji is in danger. It is my fault." She said to herself, and her pace increased a little more, despite her already tired frame. "Touji is in danger… it is my fault." It became almost a mantra, guilt lacing through her mind as she ran ever faster.

_It is not your fault… it is his._

Rei ignored Naoko. She didn't matter. "Touji… is in danger... if… if only I hadn't told him to…"

Rei was as the wind itself, running through the city to reach the fastest entrance to the holding cages for the Evangelions. He had only requested one thing. That… if he got in over his head… that if it became to much for him, she be there to help him.

She felt a failure. The emotions of the eight year old girl had now become her own emotions. She felt that girl had assimilated with her entirely and now, she could only dash on, guilt making her all the faster.

Nerv seemed to come closer at a snails pace to her mind, but finally, after what seemed hours, she reached the endless escalator.

Down, down, down, and still further down she dashed, barely catching herself on the edge of falling several times over before she finally reached the bottom. Through the changing rooms. The plug suit took ages to fit over her stressed and sweat covered body.

"I want Evangelion Unit 02 unfrozen immediately! Where the hell is Asuka! She needs to be here _now!"_ Came Misato's angry order, barked down across the terminal through speakers from everywhere.

Then overpowering her completely, came the stoic, heavy voice that waylaid the Major's plans with little more than a nod.

"Evangelion Unit 00 will launch on its own. Unit 02 is to remain frozen." The commander's voice echoed all around the complex drawing the eyes of everyone, and even put a stop in her own step as she stared up towards where she knew she would find him seated; shock caressed her as well as yet another new emotion.

Doubt she now felt. Doubt. In herself. In her own ability. Why!? Why would the commander send her alone? She was only adequate. That she knew. Ikari-kun… Shinji… he was injured. Right… that was where she had been going… before the phone call that struck her dumb with guilt and dread and she had forgotten everything in her mad panic to get to Evangelion.

_My Rei… now you fight for something you believe in… but still you go to die. How did you think the commander would go about killing you? A gun to your head? No… he seeks your death through more vile means… He manipulates your heart into a situation you cannot escape from. Now that you have a heart. _

'This doesn't matter!' Rei screamed in her mind. 'Whether he's trying to kill me or not doesn't matter! Touji…! I _have_ to get him out… I…'

The voice seemed to create the pregnant pause that followed but Rei did not understand how.

_Guilt… is a terrible thing, is it not? I feel such guilt as you would not even imagine. I seek redemption, and the only way I can gain that is to acquire your trust…_

Rei shook herself. Arguing with this mass-less being was getting her nowhere. Before she knew it, she was in the Injection plug and felt Eva begin to synchronize with her. Technicians babbled their nonsense and she soothed her mind, while the LCL cooled her heated lungs, easing the strain her mad dash had placed on her.

…_or at least, your forgiveness._

Suddenly, a screen blared up in front of her, and the commander appeared before her.

Alone in his office.

"The third is injured, and Evangelion Unit 02 is still not safe for the pilot. That is why you must do this alone." He stated, his voice cold and his eyes hidden by his ever-present glasses.

"I… will do what is required of me." She replied tonelessly.

"Good." He replied, his voice still stoic. He reached to end the transmission be Rei stopped him.

"Commander…" Rei began, as the Evangelion was raised to the launch pad. "I… wish to apologize. I… let my personal feelings get out of hand. Please forgive me…" She said sincerely, bowing her head as she felt the machine stop moving. All was prepared.

But… for some reason… he didn't give her the smile she had hoped for. He gave her an order. "Destroy the target, Rei. That is your objective. Unit 03 has been classified as the thirteenth angel. Eliminate it."

And then he was gone.

Rei… grit her teeth. "I… am sorry commander. I cannot do that… not until Touji is safe. I… told him, I would…"

For the first time, she heard Naoko's voice in her mind, laugh in joy.

"Eva Unit 00 Launch!" Came Misato's high pitched order, and Rei felt herself rocketed skyward.

"I… _wanted… _to fight beside you, Touji-san. I'm… I'm sorry." She murmured as she felt herself shooting up, up and still further up, endlessly.

Finally, she came to an abrupt halt, and found herself blinded, staring out into a beautiful, red, sunset skyline. The buildings, only now fully sinking into the ground to allow her to view this incredible sight, glinted shining a silvery golden hue. The lake, calm and placid, allowed red sunbeams to reflect off it, seemingly entirely for her. All just to caress her new eyes with a childlike wonder that she had only now rediscovered.

It was… beautiful.

But… _marred_.

Marred by the monolithic figure of Evangelion Unit 03 slowly cresting the peak of a distant hill.

_**end part three**  
_

* * *

_**author's notes**_:

**_Hello all! So, I really wanted to get through the thirteenth angel but I just couldn't manage to get the job done it seems. So next chapter will have lotsa fun Rock em' sock em' action! Yay! Oh! And of course some intense delving into Shinji's mind! We've been leaving him alone for the most part but not anymore! Might even delve a bit into the wayward minds of Misato and Sub-commander Fuyutsuki as well! _**

**_Oh, and Cello! And Violin!_**

**_In response to one of the reviews. This will follow cannon... to the extent that the angels will not be edited, in their form or attacks or anything like that._**

**_Now for my usual plea._**

**_Ehem!_**

**_Review...!! I beg you! It's so depressing delving into these character's minds that I need reviews for the pick-me-ups that they are! Otherwise I will drown in a sea of depression brought upon myself by the angst filled epics that I seemed to be so utterly drawn to. _**

**_So please review! It makes me ever so happy! (Not that I'm not generally a pretty happy-go-lucky sorta guy anyway if you hadn't already guessed that.)  
_**

**_I hope you enjoyed this chapter!_**

**_Till Next!_**

**_MB_**


	4. part four

_**a neon genesis evangelion fanfic  
by materia-blade**_

* * *

_**-rapture-**_

* * *

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**part four - naught dolls**_

* * *

Sub-commander Fuyutsuki stared from his position, diligently posted behind his commanding officer's seat, placed far up and behind the central bridge where the three technicians, and Misato Katsuragi stood in various states of worry.

"You risk much." He stated softly, so that no others could hear. "If she is selfish? If she wishes to live? What will you do then?"

The commander remained silent for a time, but that was his way. Gendo Ikari would answer him. That was the only thing the sub-commander felt he was here for most of the time. To act as the conscience to the man's cold heart.

But… he rarely felt he succeeded in bringing any amount good to the man. Even so… there was nothing he could do. There was no way for him to wrest power from the Commander. No way…

But if only he could.

Then he would… what…? Finish what Gendo started with a warmer hand? No. The truth was, The End was coming. SEELE was unstoppable. The only thing that could be done was to edit their version of The End to fit his own advantages.

And he was no fool to think he could do even half as well as the commander. He well remembered how little cowardice the commander was capable of feeling. The first time Unit 00 was activated. The beast attacked the wall where he stood with rage and fury like that of a wild animal, almost shattering the wall with a single punch.

Yet even on the second of those monstrous attacks. The commander had not even _flinched._

What could he do? Next to that?

Admittedly, perhaps a bad descriptor for the commander's true skill, but definitely a good one for just how bold he was able to be. Even so, it didn't matter. He did what he could to alleviate the cold attitude the commander portrayed. He was the smile, where Gendo was the glare.

This was not the first time that Fuyutsuki had suspected that Gendo kept him around solely because, on his own, people would become so fed up with his seemingly unfeeling decisions that they would truly attempt to assassinate him.

He knew he sometimes felt the deed should be done himself. The commander… no… Gendo Ikari… was… not evil he supposed. But… as close as one could get without going over the line. But this was the best way. He had been placed into a hopeless situation and now it was either end the way SEELE wished and fall into the single epic being that instrumentality entailed. Or allow his one-time student his chance to become the head of that being… and get his own chance to see the woman… Gendo's wife… and the girl he would have liked to call his daughter, were the circumstances right.

Yui.

Everything always came back to Yui. Even now, she was the only thing on his mind. Even now, as he watched Rei go out alone to face the friend she had only just gained. Knowing every word of the conversation that had occurred within Rei's dismal apartment with Touji Suzuhara. Even as he watched, Gendo manipulated the girl Fuyutsuki had assumed the man had thought of as his _own_ daughter, to her death. Even now, his thoughts resided on Yui.

The truth was that both of them were so obsessed… that they would do anything.

"Evangelion Unit 00 will launch on its own. Unit 02 is to remain frozen."

That was what the man said. What he told them all. As Gendo's conscience, Fuyutsuki could translate easily.

"Succeed alone, or die alone. You will receive no help."

Fuyutsuki watched the man bring up a private link to Unit 00, watched him and translated his words, feeling anger rise in him. But he kept it down. This was the only way. The _best_ way. And there was nothing he could do.

"The third is injured, and Evangelion Unit 02 is still not safe for the pilot. That is why you must do this alone."

And Fuyutsuki translated once more.

"You are on your own. Fail, and no one lives. Succeed. And die, doing so. That is what you must do, for me. That is what I gave you life for."

Despite his obsession, Fuyutsuki knew he, at least, was not completely without heart. Not Gendo though. The man was so far gone, that he would do anything. _Anything, _to acquire that one, single moment, with Yui. With his wife.

'May god have mercy on you, Rei.' He thought dismally, as he watched the camera's viewings of Unit 03 rising with its back to the sunset. 'You deserve it more than anyone.'

They both stared on in silence, neither knowing just how powerful 'god's mercy' just might be…

* * *

"I don't understand why the hell I'm here if they aren't planning on unfreezing my eva! Wondergirl can't do this on her own! Dammit, even _she_ knows that!" Asuka complained bitterly, her arms folded in a huff. She stood, once more, on the catwalk of her cage, staring openly at her evangelion and its four closed eyes.

'Four eyes.' She thought worrisomely, her thoughts returning, yet again, to three days previous. 'That _has_ to be it. That _has _to be the connection.' The girl's mind concluded dismally. It had been three days since the 'weapons malfunction of 29th Street.' Yes. Seven missiles _had _been accidentally detonated due to a machine malfunction and the situation was already well on its way to repair.

Forty seven deaths. A hundred and thirty nine wounded. Surprisingly low numbers for a city of millions, but they had been lucky. A residential district. Most were at their jobs or at school. Millions in property damage. But there was one number kept from the media's lips. A _hundred and forty_ had been wounded. Pilot Ikari's injury had been covered to prevent hype among the citizens. Tokyo Three was not a safe place… that was a known fact, but if it became apparent that the protectors were injured? The people would leave the city as fast as money could get them out. And their money would go with them.

Nerv couldn't have that…

But… what had caused the malfunction?

'It was me…' Asuka thought. She visibly gulped but no one was around to see it. Sweat began trailing down her forehead and her plugsuit suddenly felt extremely constricting and hot, as she remembered staring up at herself from red-eyes, just like Ayanami's imbedded in the crook of her palms.

But they were gone now. And no one could see.

Hell, no one had even bothered to answer her admittedly childish whines about having her evangelion frozen. It seemed like a bad dream now. Her depression. Well… it hadn't disappeared. But the last words Shinji had said to her were burned into her mind. Both before and after the explosion.

"I… was a doll. He was right…" She muttered to herself. She'd stayed with him, almost constantly for the past three days. The truth was, they could have woken him. But the doctors had put him into a forced sleep. They… they told her and Misato that… if they woke him, the pain would be unbearable.

Great. Add a boat load of _guilt_ on top of the depression. That was _sure_ to brighten her day.

But Shinji had stood up to her. Dammit, but she had nagged him and bugged him a attacked him relentlessly, to try and make him grow a damn gut and here all it took was a week of feeling sorry for herself. That had been all it took… to make him stand up and tell her to her face that she was being a complete _idiot._

So she had stopped.

Asuka Langley Sohryu was back. In all her confidence-filled glory. Feeling sorry for herself… that she'd gotten her hopes up and thought that a damn _voice in her head_ was really her mother come back... She was _better _than that. _Stronger_ than that. And Shinji _knew_ it. It took weak, pathetic,_ third_ to show her that.

And that was where her opinions had begun to change. Shinji had stood up to her. And not just stood up to her, but gotten in her face and called her the _one _thing he knew would bring her rage like a hammer down upon him, and the boy hadn't even _flinched!_

She had to admit, from Shinji? Self professed wimp? That took _balls! _

So, she noted to herself, for future reference, that it might not be wise to go fishing for _the invincible Shinji's_ spine just a thoroughly as she had been. If she did she… might actually _find _it.

A brief image flashed, unwillingly, across her wandering thoughts of Shinji, his hand on her shoulder, the other softly caressing her cheek, eyes hard and confident, staring down at her. His face moving closer… And she could do nothing but stare at him… and fall…

A flush trailed up the girl's cheeks and as soon as she realized exactly _why_ she shook herself furiously.

'Dammit! I don't like baka-third! I _don't! _I've got eyes in my _hands_ for god's sake, and Rei's about to get herself killed! Focus, Asuka!' She berated herself harshly. This _really_ wasn't the time for romantic thoughts!

Now if it were _Kaji _in that image… maybe she could spare a few minutes to daydream.

"Eva Unit 00 Launch!"

Misato's high pitched voice shoved the red-head out of her thoughts as she watched Rei and her Evangelion jerk out of sight at speeds the fastest cars would envy.

'Be safe Wondergirl. I… you're creepy as hell dammit, but I don't want you to die out there alone!'

The situation was _awful_, and Asuka resented everything about it. If only they'd unfreeze her damn evangelion! Some idiot newbie had just gotten put into his own eva, and now an angel had decided to take over. What a great way for the poor sap to start his career of angel slaying.

How the hell was Rei supposed to both 'destroy the angel' and save the pilot at the same time?

Oh right.

She was _Wondergirl._

The orders were to 'destroy the target.' She probably didn't even care who the pilot was.

God dammit. She hated that Shinji had compared her to that _doll_. Even if she _had_ needed it, to open her eyes. And that thought brought back the guilt. Asuka felt like scum. The type of thing that people _didn't_ scrape off the bottom of their shoe, preferring to just throw the pair of shoes away and be done with it.

_That_ was the kind of guilt she felt. That, and a heap of insights into her personality that she was not fond of. It took a lot for her to realize her own faults, but Shinji had made it clear beyond the point of question. The way she reacted to his injury was proof enough of that. She verbally abused those she cared for. And there was no doubt now. When she thought of Shinji, it was not thoughts of a puny little boy. Nor were they even those of a simple friend. No. Shinji was… more to her then that. Closer than that.

And it had not begun at the twelfth. No. It had begun much earlier. She could admit that to herself, now that she had been forced to face the thought of him dying, even if it had only been for a little while. There was no going back.

She could deny it, even in her mind as much as she wanted, but when the chips were down… she knew that she truly liked him. He was close to her, in ways none had ever been. Her father. He couldn't care less. Her stepmother? Hah. That was a joke. The witch didn't even know her middle name. Misato was more of a mother figure than _her_. Hikari… she came close. And she was… the furthest thing from Evangelion that Asuka had. But still, their relationship was somewhat superficial. The girl… had never reached in. Had never been inches from dying together with her.

Even Kaji paled in comparison.

He didn't know her secrets. He didn't know her fears. Not like Shinji did.

But… now she had _more_ secrets. And the only thing that comforted her was that… Shinji would listen, when he finally woke up. He would be there. For her.

Because… that was just who he was. Kind, sweet, shy, Shinji-kun.

That made her shiver too, and she hugged herself, small tears beginning to well in her eyes, as she watched Rei begin to engage the other evangelion on the monitors above her; for the first time she didn't deny it. Not even in her mind.

Shinji Ikari was her closest friend.

And Asuka didn't know… what she would do without him.

* * *

'Destroy the target.'

'Save Touji.'

'Destroy the target.'

'_Save Touji_, you idiot!'

'Destroy the target. Those were the commander's orders.'

'The _commander_ is a heartless bastard! Even _you_ should realize that by now! It doesn't matter that he's better then Naoko! He's still not a good man! _Save. Touji!_'

Rei flinched at the emotions and thoughts of her inner war. It was as if she had partitioned into two sides. Two separate Rei Ayanami. One, the stoic, feeling-less _doll_ that she knew herself to be before Naoko had begun to speak to her, and broken her free. And on the other side was the emotional Rei. The Rei who felt so many emotions that she could barely manage to think so deep, and so strong were they, making her want to curse the elder Akagi for ever bringing them down upon her.

She took a deep breath, watching as Evangelion Unit 03 moved ever closer, its gaping maw seemingly dripping with hatred. A projection of Touji's hatred for her… now that she had done… _this_ to him? God she hoped not.

"Suzuhara... be okay..." She whispered to herself in a silent plea.

As if it were a summons a screen appeared to her left. And… there he was.

"Touji!" She exclaimed in a manner that many of the bridge had never seen from her. That… _none_ had ever seen from her.

"The Fourth Children! Dammit! Give me his status!" Misato's voice echoed throughout Rei's cockpit, but she ignored it completely.

"All we can tell is that he's alive! He's syncing with the Eva at almost eighty percent!" Came a response from one of the techs. Rei thought it was Maya but she couldn't tell. She didn't care.

On the hologram screen affront her sat Touji Suzuhara, still dressed in his plugsuit his face distorted as all Evangelion pilots' faces were by the haze of LCL between them. Upon seeing her, he gave a grin, his mouth going far wider then should be possible; he spoke in a voice that could not be classified by pitch, or tone, or even gender. It was male. It was female. It was… loud and quiet at the same time. It made Rei shiver in terror.

_Filthy Lillim…_

It slurred, and Touji's head lolling as if he were a puppet on strings, the angel using his mouth as a translator. Rei stared at him as his head lolled backwards, eyes bouncing as much as his head did.

Rei's eyes narrowed, but in her gut, she shivered. The angel was… _talking?_

"Attempt to establish communications with Unit 03!" Misato exclaimed heatedly and the response came back just as quickly.

"Negative. It's rejecting."

The major cursed vigorously. "Why the hell is it showing Touji to Rei? Dammit!" Then her face turned and she stared harshly at the first children. The girl didn't even seem to notice, so intent was she on Touji's image. "Rei! Focus! You've got to ignore the fourth children. I know it sounds heartless but you have to _destroy_ the target. If you can get Touji out then do it, but… dammit Rei! Listen!"

Rei didn't hear a word. And without warning, Misato's screen went black.

_Lillim see… nothing. Blind! I am blinded, by these… _things…_ Your face haunts the lillim. Did you know…? _

The voice asked, Touji's eyes locking with hers every time his face managed to loll into a somewhat normal position, but it seemed to have no experience with asking questions. No experience with voice, it spoke as if an adult in a newborn babe's body, its vocal chords undeveloped and unused to be used, though it desperately wanted to.

Rei reached for her cheek, touching her face with soft hands. "My face…?"

_Yes!_

The voice hissed, jumping on her words before they were even out of her mouth.

_Disgusting! This thing! Repulsive… I hate it… This beast lillim have made…! Foul! Foul! _

Rei stared at Touji, watching his torso drunkenly wobble, his arms and legs locked in place on their controls. What in the world was the thing saying? Eva? Was _eva_ what repulsed the angel?

_Its bre…ath stains this world. Foul! Foul! Souls. Holy souls! Pre…Precious souls! And lillim taint them! Sick beasts! Ugly! Foul! Pu…trid lillim! Return! Return to whence you came! God de…decries you! Foul lillim!_

On the screen, Touji's hand blasted forward, the right control hand flashing. Shocked, Rei turned and_,_ Unit 03's hand flashed blasting towards Rei's neck like lightning. But Rei was ready. She dodged, ducking beneath the sickening crunch of the Evangelion's bone expanding, and batted away the projectile hand.

Again the beast reached for her, its hands flashing against the red glare of the broken sunset, and again Rei batted it away.

Touji never left the screen. His face and body now slumped over the controls but his hands were working tirelessly. The evangelion fell to the ground, its arms retracting into itself. The beast jumped awkwardly as if it were some giant wild ape, and dived furiously upon her, sending her careening to the ground beneath it.

_You will not hurt my Rei._

Rei knew she no longer considered herself a doll, but she felt like one. Without warning, her eva lurched its feet, curling beneath her, against her will. And then, like a spring, they unfurled, kicking the deranged angel off of her with enough force to shatter a building, sending the beast rocketing through the air to land kilometers away on one of the surrounding mountains.

"Touji!" Rei shouted, terrified as she watched the boy jostled and jerked in her monitor, even as the evangelion slid across the mountainside, hundreds of trees breaking the blue unit's fall.

'_Touji…' _Rei thought desperately, as she willed her evangelion to stand. It seemed no one had noticed that her evangelion had decided to take matters into its own hands. The communications were down. No one could see…

Instantly, her thoughts turned to the Evangelion. 'Don't hurt Touji!' She yelled, almost hatefully at the voice in her mind. 'Can't you see that I'm trying to protect him?'

_Can you not see that I am trying to protect you?_

Rei grit her teeth, standing haphazardly. 'I don't need your help.'

Suddenly, Rei felt the world shrinking. Her eyes fell into themselves, losing their forty story gaze. She felt herself… closing off. Her mind partitioning back into itself… away from eva.

'Wh-what is happening? Rei thought weakly. She concentrated, willing herself into the mind of the evangelion but she found a brick wall where before there was a vacuum pulling her in. 'Y-You. You are… what are you doing?!'

_Rejecting you. You do not require my help. You said so, yourself._

Rei's mind swirled, and she began to shiver. Rejecting her… her evangelion… the only thing that she could use… to save Touji… was rejecting her? "N-no! No! I… No!" Rei screamed, shocking everyone listening.

Rei felt her eva begin to slump down, it's power source beginning to fail as her synchronization with the evangelion began to wane to the point of nonexistence. "No! Please… don't do this! I have to help him! He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me! P-Please!"

_I will not let you be hurt. Not for the fourth children. Not for the commander. Not for anyone. If eva doesn't move then it is no threat to the angel. The commander will have to dispose of it some other way._

"NO!" Rei screamed. "Please, don't do—!"

Rei's words were silenced by a dull pain in her chest, as she realized the angel had risen again. It had bashed her in the chest, and she knew her evangelion was skidding along the ground, but she barely felt it.

Miles she moved, bashing over buildings which became small roads, and then trees. She felt the power cable snap and burst as she continued skidding but it was only a light thing; a pinprick next to the pain of dragging her body further and further from the confines of Tokyo Three.

Even that pain was fading as her synchronization rate steadily plummeted.

'_Please…'_ she whispered. 'It's my fault Suzuhara-san is in there in the first place! Please… I _need you!' _Rei exclaimed in her mind. But the evangelion would not respond.

Naoko was gone.

Toujistared at her, one gigantic eye pressed up to the camera within the screen and Rei turned her eyes back to him, and shivered.

_You… are no… lillim! Ahah! _

The voice… giggled in a sadistic sort of glee, using Touji's lips. Hatred. Hatred was the emotion that burst within Rei. And it burned in her. It burned and for the first time, she felt the _need_ to destroy. Hatred for Naoko. Burning hatred for the angel that would use Touji this way. Hatred at herself, for convincing him to pilot.

Hatred.

She didn't like it. But she _reveled _in it now.

_Kin! You are my kin! Why? Foul lillim! Why do you lay within lillim scum? Come out! Come out, blood of my blood!_

Rei stared into the monitor above her now fallen evangelion, and fear enveloped her. The angel stood over her, staring down with devilish eyes, as if it were about to eat her.

_A babe… so small… but my blood! My kin!_

That gaping maw knelt down, hovering right in front of Rei's eyes, staring down into her soul. And she felt so afraid that she could not move. Off to the left Touji giggled in mad delight.

"Wh-what do… what do you want from me?" She asked, staring up. "L-Let the… lillim free…" She whispered. One screen held devils eyes and the other, her… her friend, whom she betrayed. Touji seemed to grin all the wider, and it was then that Rei realized what was so strange about the boy's grin. His jaw was broken. More guilt built up within her atop the overwhelming fear.

_Care about the ants that much? My little sibling. So young you are… I will bring you away from here… Lilith can wait. You are more important, young sister._

Rei felt a strange tingling on her chest but her evangelion would not move. She could not see what was happening.

With a sudden roar, Rei felt her eva return to life angrily. Her mind opened! Yes! She felt herself begin to sync with the eva once more! Naoko had been wrong! The angel hadn't gone on to attack Nerv, so now she had—!

Without warning, the great mouth of Unit 03 opened wide and descended upon her, swallowing her world into darkness.

The tingling in her chest continued. And grew.

"R-Ree… Re…" A muffled gurgle, and Rei's eyes snapped to the only light around her. Touji's screen.

"Touji!" She exclaimed, seeing the reason. Seeing _humanity_ in his tired, pained expression.

"Whaaa…" He tried to say, his broken jaw rendering his speech useless as the lower half of his mouth hung open, gaping in a way that was not dissimilar to Unit 03's own giant mouth. But he stared at her with eyes that were his own. Concern that was his own. Held his mouth in pain! It didn't matter. He was back to normal again!

Thank god…

But… the angel…

As if the thought had drawn it, she heard the angels booming, voice in her mind.

_Tainted! The lillim tainted you! Now I understand… daughter of Lilith. Do not be afraid. You will be alright soon. You will be safe! Little kin._

Rei lulled. Her mind felt dizzy. It was… entering her. It was… oh… it felt… _good._

"Wh-What are you… doing?" She asked, timidly. She felt… strange. It was… taking her somewhere. Like a ride or… like… she didn't have anything to compare it to. She felt herself becoming lightheaded. She felt… small… in a… in an older brother's large, comforting arms. Her head begin to bob and lull, as if drunken.

_It is taking over you! It… It has left the fourth children! And is taking over you! R-Rei! Fight! Fight! H-Help me! _

Naoko. Naoko in her mind. The angel in her mind. Emotions! Fear and hatred. Guilt! Everything! Naoko… she could feel her. Warring with the angel trying to enter her mind. Trying to… to join with her…

But… it felt so safe… and Touji. He was alright now. He was… staring at her. 'Go away…' she thought tediously. As if by magic, the screen holding Touji's concerned face flashed and was gone.

_My kin… Let me heal you. Let me help you. Lie still. I shall protect you._

Naoko's fear burst through Rei like an explosion as she listened and new life came to her! And Rei fought. "G-Get out of my head!" She screamed, her emotions blaring back in with Naoko's aid. Something was wrong! Something…!

_Rei… F-forgive me… _

Naoko's voice. She was there! There with her! Watching her. Protecting her! She was why Rei was not already a mindless doll like Touji had been. A puppet.

_Why do you resist? Your place is with us. With your kin. Come with me… you will… _belong.

Rei shivered, her sense returning even more. "I… have to destroy it.'

_I thought… I thought… if you were not a threat, it would leave you alone! I thought…! P-Please… Rei! I… did not know this…!_

Rei fought the urge to simply lay down and let go. She fought with all her might and found herself losing. She felt… she felt herself… slipping away.

Rei smiled. 'You… saved Touji. Do you see? He is safe… now. I've… kept my promise.' She felt a wave of happiness brim over her, and Rei felt certain that it was not her own emotion. 'N-Naoko… I… I have to destroy it.'

_Little one. Little babe. _

Rei shook herself. Kin? Kin… This was her brother. This… _no!_ Angel! She had to… Had… to! The angelic part of her felt the joy of meeting her brother. It… called to her! And she yearned for it! But… she couldn't…!

A flash. Shinji Ikari.

A flash. Touji Suzuhara.

A flash. Asuka Sohryu.

A flash. Misato Katsuragi.

A flash. Ritsuko Akagi.

A flash. The commander…

Clarity… so brief. But she knew.

'If it gets into my mind… I will become one of them… I will become an angel. Fully. I can't let that happen. Or… they will have to kill me.'

She couldn't let that happen.

And slowly, her hand reached for the one button that she had only just learned to fear.

_So… y-you're willing to die? For them? _

Naoko appeared in front of her, and behind her lay a ghostly white visage. In her mind, the woman held the specter at bay, her back to it as she spoke to Rei, her eyes brimming over with tears.

And Rei smiled, a tear of her own trailing down her cheek.

'_F-for them?' _The blue haired pilot laughed, even as she cried. _'N-no! I'm doing this… to get back at you. K-Kill for a kill! Now we're even!'_

_Humor. Hah… You truly are… my Rei-chan, now. I… I am sorry. F-for everything. _

The woman fell to her knees, her arms spread wide, desperately trying to keep the angel away from Rei's mind. But she was failing. Still, a smile adorned her face, her auburn hair glistening ethereally.

Rei pulled the hatch revealing the button she now feared, and pressed it lightly. Her hands shaking, but her resolve as firm as she could make it. The angel didn't even notice, nor did it relent. She wanted it! She wanted to join her kin! Her brothers! Her sisters! But…

_Besides… I'm expendable. It's… it's okay. Even if it was the commander's plan… to kill me. Better this… than becoming one of them..._

The woman jerked, her frail bones seeming weak behind the onslaught of the white figure behind her. But her body held. And her eyes held an intensity unlike anything Rei had ever seen.

_Don't say that! You are not expendable! You are… my Rei-chan…_

_Maybe you're right… but I have no choice. I won't become one of them._

The woman shuddered. Her body was giving way, and Rei could hear the voice of the angel returning. So… comforting. So… angelic. She was already being corrupted… falling under the mental barrage the angel was supplying her.

_You are so beautiful! Foul lillim! Maybe not so foul… they crafted you… Now just rid you of their taint and you will be perfect!_

Much more quietly, Naoko quipped, her body seeming to… fall apart as Rei felt the last vestiges of her own humanity being swept away.

_S-so.. is this goodbye?_

Rei nodded… and then wondered why. Why was she associating with that… lillim? She was going… to join her brother! To shed the taint and become…!

The small part of her that was still human gave a small whisper as she felt herself fade away.

_I forgive you… mother. I love you…_

A brief burst of the strongest happiness Rei had ever felt, and suddenly the angel was banished completely from her mind.

A flash of red.

The world exploded.

* * *

"R-Rei…. Oh god… Rei!" Misato screamed as she watched the mushroom cloud burst into the sky from the video feeds, miles above them.

"E-Eva… Evangelion Unit 00… is… gone…" Maya whispered. "No response from an… any functions. She… she self-destructed… All traces of the angel are terminated…"

"Self-Destructed? No! She… she wouldn't have—! Th-The entry plug! She ejected, right? She ejected in time, right!?" Misato demanded hatefully, staring down at Maya with heat and terror and guilt burning in her eyes. She might not know the first children as well as she knew the other two but… but…!

Maya burying her face in her hands did not comfort Misato in the slightest.

She bit her lip as guilt attacked her in full, her heart rate picking up.

"God Dammit!" She screamed slamming her fist down on the desk shattering the computer monitor beyond repair, imbedding shards of glass in her hand that did nothing to ease the guilt.

But anger did. Anger burned in her, guilt dying with her instinct laying the blame, and she turned her face up to glare through her tears at the one responsible for this…

Commander Ikari… The arrogant bastard…! He hadn't even flinched! D-Didn't he give a damn _at all!? _Her fingers twitched with indescribable fury as they curled shakily around the handle of her pistol.

She wanted to kill him.

Had she seen the smile hidden behind his gloved hands, she probably would have.

* * *

Shinji awoke staring up at a white light, squaring off directly with the burning sun seeping in through his usual Nerv Rescue Facility room. He was saddened to find that the ceiling was no longer familiar. He remembered a time when he wished it had been. Now it was an old friend. One that he had reached once again. One that he had come to loath and love both at the same time.

His eyes, blinking at the war of separate dueling lights above him, attempted to scan the room, failing miserably as black spots cluttered his vision tirelessly. In his sparse glance he only managed to catch the hint of an orderly and a sparse touch of amber.

Asuka.

"Y-You're awake." The girl murmured. As if she should be surprised… but was not. As if… as if she were in shock from something. Or… depressed.

So he had failed. He hadn't gotten the girl out of her funk at all… but at least… at least she was here. That was a sign that something was different about her. At the very least.

"Asuka…" He murmured, rubbing his eyes thoroughly as he sat up trying to make them see the girl, but only miserably gaining vision of her shuffling red hair. "Wh-why are you here?"

The girl… didn't really say anything. "For you. Ante baka."

For Asuka, that was nothing. There should have been a neon victory speech about how he had only just been _lucky_ enough to wake when the girl had been around for a spare minute or two, and that his waking had likely been _caused_ by her presence!

That was the Asuka he knew. And those speeches and rants of self-importance, walls to keep people away though they may be, were an entire personality for the red-haired girl. Admitting that there was a truly delicate interior to all that brashness… should not have caused her to lose everything that she was.

"I… see you're still depressed." He said, his eyes finally managing to focus on her. She stared vacantly at the wall opposite her. Shinji was in no way of interest to her. Hell, he might as well have not existed.

"I think… I have a right to be." She replied, her eyes never leaving the wall across her. Her mind burning.

Shinji's ire peaked. "A right to be? You beat me up all the time! Whatever that was I—?"

Finally, she turned to see him, her eyes boring into his soul, halting his speech mid-word, a deep sadness there running like a river within her, reaching out to him. Freezing him. Her eyes, however, had nothing on her words.

"The thirteenth angel attacked…"

Shinji jerked. His eyes flashed and he lost what little bit of weariness that had been plaguing him. An angel had attacked, and he wasn't… wasn't even awake?

"What?! It… what happened? What was it?"

Asuka turned away, her hand lingering next to her face. Guilt striking her as it had relentlessly since Rei's death. She recalled watching the explosion that seemed to rock the entire world. She watched… staring with her mouth hanging open. It seemed almost surreal. Rei...? She just… pulled the switch? It was the only way to protect everyone.

And… Rei took it.

While Asuka sat staring into the monitors above her frozen evangelion, shock rippling through her.

"It… hijacked Evangelion Unit 03."

'Unit… 03?"

Asuka barked a laugh. "I guess you wouldn't know… Rei… Rei fought it. I… I've never seen her so worried before. I'd… never seen her look so… human."

It was a different type of depressed. She wasn't repressed, or turned into herself, tuning out the rest of the world like she had been. No. Something had happened. Something was wrong. Shinji could feel it in her words. Rei…? Wait. 'Rei?' he thought warily. 'Rei? She… I don't think I've ever heard Asuka call her… just Rei before. Unit 03? Wait… who was the pilot?! What… what could have…?'

"She… W-Wondergirl. Hah… I… think she was a better pilot then me… after all. Because I couldn't ever do what she did. Heh. Not if it were the only course left. Not if third impact were the result, I… still couldn't do it. Heh… heh." A sad laugh. A laugh to keep herself from crying. What… what had…?

"Asuka? What… what happened? Is Rei okay?"

Asuka's eyes met his once again. Tearful. Always tears…

"It was… it was like I was watching a video game or a bad movie drama! Just… Game over. You know? She… communications were cut. No one could see what was going on with her. The… the angel left Unit 03, and entered Rei's evangelion. Tried to take it over…"

"Is Rei okay!?" He repeated, harshly this time. Asuka didn't evade questions! Asuka… she…

"I… Shinji…kun. I… there was nothing I could do… your… your prick of a dad wouldn't let me go out there! And so I… I just… sat there… and watched!"

Shinji couldn't take it. His eyes developed anger, and his voice radiated it. _"Is Rei Okay!?"_

Asuka's turned to stare at the floor, tears now flowing down her cheeks in rivers.

"She… self-destructed her eva… She…"

Shinji couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it! Rei… Rei couldn't be dead! Not Rei… not… she couldn't be! She was… so much better then that! She was… Rei… She was too good to die… like…

"Instead of letting the angel take her over… she just… died. And I… I couldn't do a damn thing." Asuka cursed, into herself. "I couldn't…"

The girl's eyes squeezed shut. Her bangs hung over them depressively as tears fell into her lap. Shinji didn't remember who it was who moved. But suddenly, he was embracing her. Tears trailing down and soaking his shoulder, he could only stare in shock.

Rei was dead.

Rei… was dead.

He held her that much tighter.

'We are alone.'

_No. You're not._

The phantom words, sounding oh so like those of his mother, long forgotten in the depths of his memory, whispered in his ears like a soothing mantra sometimes when he felt terrified within Eva… when he felt terrified _out_ of Eva… did little to comfort him.

* * *

"Ritsuko! Thank god!" Misato exclaimed joyously as she dashed to the bed of her closest and best friend. Wires attached everywhere to the blonde-haired woman and it was obvious that she was somewhat delirious from pain killers.

Even so, the scientist's face lit up at seeing Misato Katsuragi. "Good to… good to see you Major." The woman coughed weakly. "Heh… you're lucky. If Shinji hadn't been hurt by that freak accident in the city you'd be lying in that bed right over there."

Misato sobered at that. "I'm… not lucky. None of us are…"

Ritsuko's eyes widened a grim display of worry. "The angel?" She asked, but whatever the major's reply was, she missed it as a fit of deathly coughing erupted from her stomach, blood spewing from her throat. Damn idiots. She'd been assured they'd done their jobs right!

Still they were persistent and quick. Medical white coats, probably four of them but her eyes were too dizzy to tell, swarmed up and around Misato's blurry face.

"Ritsu-chan." Misato murmured as the doctors began examining her. It had taken a miracle for her to actually _get _to her closest friend. Apparently, the situation was a bit worse then she had feared.

It was some time before the Nerv employed doctors backed away from the woman, sure enough that her condition was definitely stable. Misato had not moved from the foot of the bed, worry beginning affect her. It didn't matter, though. She was a professional. Here, at least, she could control her fears.

"The… the angel?" Ritsuko demanded quickly, having been waiting.

Misato did not mince words. Her heart skipped only a beat or two as she delivered the news in a stoic tongue that she had not been able to hold the day before. "Rei is dead. She self destructed her Evangelion in order to destroy the angel. Evangelion Unit 00 is no more."

Ritsuko slumped back on to the pillow, surprising Misato, who hadn't truly even noticed the woman rise. Was that… was that… _relief?_ Was _relief_ the emotion her best friend was wearing? It… it couldn't be…

"The bastard… he pulled it off." Ritsuko murmured as she turned her head to the side, her voice trailing off with her consciousness.

Misato's eyes narrowed. "Pulled what off!? Dammit! What are you hiding, Ritsuko?"

Ritsuko gave a small, chuckle… a weak chuckle, forcing Misato to lower her voice, knowing that her friend was likely in extreme pain. Not a particularly strong motivator for her anger.

But _dammit_ did she hate Ritsuko for her secrets!

The woman seemed to laugh at her. Mock her. Poke playful fun at her. Misato didn't know. She sometimes barely thought she knew anything about 'brainiac' Ritsuko anymore. "It's nothing." Was the answer she finally gave. "Forget I mentioned it."

Misato only grit her teeth… but she couldn't stay angry. Not at her best friend, on her sickbed. She walked around the bed and took a seat in one of the few chairs situated about it and began glancing around the room. She'd been in them often enough waiting for Shinji or Asuka, or much more rarely, for Rei to awaken from one of their triumphant battles. She didn't like them very much either. Too… too white.

Still irritated, she forced herself to change the subject. "So, are you going to be okay, Rits?"

Ritsuko rolled her head over to face Misato and gave a loud moan of protest, forcing the Major to give a small laugh at the other woman's expense. "I'll be fine, Misato. But… could you do me… one little favor…?"

The woman left the question hanging and it was Misato's turn to groan. She glared at the blonde-haired woman furiously.

"I _hate_ feeding those stupid cats!"

* * *

"So what do we do now?" Asuka asked, suddenly.

They had been sitting in silence when Shinji saw Asuka's lips moving. Misato was gone, with Ritsuko they had both assumed. They were glad to find out that the destruction of Matsushiro had caused relatively _few_ deaths. Only several thousand.

What a way to cheer them up. He pulled the earphone out of his ears and caught the last word that Asuka was saying, pulling himself out of his depressing thoughts. "What did you say?"

The girl sighed, exasperated. Good ole' exasperated Asuka! But… She wasn't quite normal. Neither was he.

"What do we do now?" She repeated, obviously irritated. The grief had faded after the days Shinji spent recovering in the hospital. Rei was gone. They had… begun to accept that.

Three days. It seemed like it was always three days between the time where Shinji awoke and the time that he was allowed to return home but things were a bit different this time. A gigantic bandage adorned Shinji's arm where the glass shard had been imbedded. He could walk, but he limped when he did, both of his legs having been twisted. Surprisingly, no bones had been broken, but he felt like that was a lie.

His head wound had healed neatly, and was the only one that was _not_ plaguing him.

But now he sat on his couch, staring together with Asuka at a television that neither were truly watching. Especially not now.

"I guess… we'll just keep going." He said. "Just because Rei's gone doesn't mean we should just giv—!"

"I'm not talking about Rei! Baka!" Asuka shouted, a picturesque vision of her old self returned from the dead.

"Gomen…" Shinji said out of reflex. And that only lit Asuka's anger more.

"Stop apologizing dammit!" She shouted down at him, rising to her feet in anger.

Shinji couldn't help but let his eyes trail across her. Jean shorts, cut so high he could see all of her legs, mixed with a red shirt held on by what seemed a small thread in the form of two straps crossing over her shoulders.

She was gorgeous. As always.

"W-well what are you talking about?" Shinji asked, as he desperately tried to keep his eyes on her face. He didn't quite succeed. Rei's death hanging over his head and he was thinking about Asuka's body…

'Great job, Shinji.' He berated himself weakly.

"I… I'm talking about…" the girl trailed off. Her eyes left him in that slightly embarrassed look… or perhaps she was so angry that she couldn't stand to look at him, he couldn't be sure.

Shinji looked on, trying to convince her to continue talking, but it didn't appear to be working. Whatever the girl was mad about -he of course, never knew- she would probably need a push. Or… something.

"About…?" He questioned.

The girl tensed and met his eyes once again. She was… biting her lip. A nervous twitch he'd first noticed when they were together within the twelfth. When they were trading stories and she came to a particularly difficult part, she would do that.

God she looked adorable.

"About us." She finished lamely. "We… we've been skimping on this ever since you woke up. I… I bet you're still mad at… at whatever I did… So… I just wanted to…"

"Us…?" He questioned lamely. "I… well I thought you still hated me, after calling you… well… and…" Both of them trailed into an awkward silence.

Asuka took her seat again, crossing her legs, angry, but not at him. At herself perhaps, or maybe at her inability to say what she wanted to. Time passed but sooner or later, Asuka met his eyes again, and blushed.

"Asuka..." Shinji murmured as he rose. "Listen. I—!"

"Do you want to kiss?" She interrupted strongly.

Whatever Shinji had been about to say was completely lost as his mouth hung open in shock. Memories of the last time she asked that question resurfaced and he shivered. But… this time, she didn't wait for him to answer.

Without warning she was over him, her face inches from his own. Her voice dropped to a whisper and Shinji gulped. "I don't… Shinji… I don't want to lose you. I _can't_ lose you."

Her arms wrapped slowly around his shoulders.

She leaned in…

* * *

A stalwart looking older man shuffled along his usual route, staring at his feet as he usually did. Old man Hideku, was a name many called him. He was a good old man, or at least that's what he assumed most people thought of him. He ran a local greenhouse, growing a random assortment of plants, both pre and post second impact.

A surprisingly large number of new species of plants had grown out of the ashes of the dead world fifteen years or so ago, and he had always been fond of his plants. Tonics and mixtures brewed from grinding their roots or leaves or petals. Supplies that were sold to large companies for a rather hefty profit.

The random orchid or rose for a pretty girl passing by his shop, where he kept his large rows of plants.

It was a rather small town, now residing on the outskirts of Tokyo Three but it had been a stand-alone village once. He remembered a time before the city was built where miles and miles of endless greenery stretched on forever creating immaculate landscapes and admittedly adding to some of his more romantic youth.

He was traveling, out to his favorite old spot in the hopes of relieving a few of those memories, a few pictures and a scented candle or two toted around with him in his patchy overalls.

Rounding the closest bend, humming a cheerful but old tune, he stared up at the night; it was late and the stars dotted the sky with beauty. It was amazing for these days but the scene had nothing on the blissful days he remembered so well, back before Tokyo Three with all its metal and lights and people blocking them from his view.

Ah well. Times change and all that.

As he turned, he finally set eyes upon his lake.

And his jaw dropped.

Right out in the middle of the lake, a girl, wearing a white, skin tight body suit of some type, stood on the water in a picturesque vision of serene beauty. Blue hair as beautiful as any blue sky he had ever seen, added together with the blue glow that seemed to emanate from the girl, made her seem a angel descended from the heavens.

Small fireflies trickled about her, adding a strange luminescence to her daunting glow. She held both hands clutched together, and her eyes stared up into the endless sky. She seemed like she was praying.

Blinking, Hideku realized she was a young girl, little more than fifteen if he guessed right, but her beauty was not diminished one bit by that. The fact that she was walking on the water, where he had many times gone to swim as a child, however, admittedly scared the hell out of him.

The girl whispered, but he heard it echo through the night as if she were standing right next to him. She seemed to emanate her own white light, fading into a blue aura that surrounded her.

"_Why am I still here?"_

Hideku shivered. He recognized the girl. She looked like one of those Evangelion pilots that were so important in the city, but… so much different. The girl, he'd heard of; he'd seen her vaguely in pictures of the pilots.

But if he could have imagined then that this angelic version of her would exist… and he would live to see such a magnificent sight… he would have paid a bit more attention.

Then he began to worry. Was this death? He _was_ old… Did all people see something like this…? No… surely not. But then… how was the girl standing there, staring up into the sky.

Her eyes suddenly turned to face him.

"_How am I still here?"_

A shiver crawled up Hideku's back. His lungs locked up. His eyes saw a sudden flash of red, and the lake exploded into the sky, a vortex of water… no… a _tsunami_, rising miles above his wide eyes, only to come crashing down on him.

And he screamed.

Then, he didn't scream anymore.

_**end part four**_

* * *

_**author's notes:**_

_**Alright. Bit of info bout me just for the fun of it. I am now a student at Eastern Illinois University. There's so many people here! It would be so cool someone who reads my fics existed at this joint! I just moved away from home! I'm lonely! Heh heh. Doubt it though. For what it's worth, my loneliness has contributed to an increase in the overall amount of writing that I've been doing the last couple of days. I hope you all enjoy that!**_

_**For those who get it, if there are any: "I am eiu!" **_

_**Sorry about the somewhat shorter chapter but there was a lot of stuff happening and I think that sorta makes up for it. And a cliffie too! I wonder if you guys have enjoyed it? I don't know. But I must learn if you did somehow! Now… how could I find out whether you guys enjoyed this or not? Hmm… what sort of function provided by this online reading apparatus could I convince you people to use in order to let me know about the results of my nine thousand word effort here? Hmm… hmm…**_

**Review! **

_**Heh heh. By the way, great job readers! I got thirteen or fourteen on the last chapter! Now **_**that**_** is what I was expecting! Well…!  
**_

_**Till next!**_

_**MB**_


	5. part five

_**a neon genesis evangelion fanfic  
by materia-blade  
**_

* * *

_**-rapture-  
**_

* * *

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**part five - love's wings  
**_

* * *

Gendo stared dispassionately at the surrounding aquatic tank circling him. Fifty seven Rei's resided in this tank. All of them staring at him and smiling. His face was no different than ever before. His stance, stoic and brooding as it always was. No one could tell what was going on within his mind. He was sure of it. No one knew… no one knew that… For the first time since Yui had first been taken by the Evangelion, her creation… Gendo Ikari… was terrified.

"Doctor." He said with even less emotion than usual if that was possible.

"Yes, Sir?" Ritsuko replied, hobbling over on her single right arm crutch. It didn't hinder her much. The woman could type with one hand faster than most could type with two, and typing was, in fact, ninety percent of what the fool woman did.

The other ten percent occurred in his office. Idiot, but the woman had beautiful legs.

Keyword, _had._

"Unfreeze unit 02. I feel that it will be needed soon." He said simply.

The woman nodded, a slight glare buried within the nod. He disregarded it.

The man turned and left the room, all of the Rei Ayanami watching him as he exited, thinking on the woman he had once bedded. Mangled and disjointed in her right leg, and burned all up the side of her left, she disgusted him now. He had little desire to even allow her to be involved in the plan anymore, but the woman had a bit of leverage. A bit. She knew a few passwords he didn't. She knew a few tricks that might be important in stopping the final angels.

His plans could not come to fruition without the angels destroyed.

All of them.

The entry plug to Evangelion Unit 00 had been found, and nothing had been inside. It lay buried in a crater four or five miles north of the city. It was mangled in so many ways that it must have skidded for _miles_ before coming to its resting place, half buried within the river leading from the city to the ocean, one half lying on the banks, carved up ground following in the wake of its crash landing.

Rei was nowhere to be found. Not a hint of blood. Not a trace of blue hair. Nothing.

Admittedly, it was not hard to believe the girl had been flung from the plug so far that she was still not found, but he placed little doubt in the doctor's calculations. Physics was cake to _him_ and he had checked her work. Considering where the plug was, Rei should have been _found_ by now.

But she had not been.

The girl was gone.

But there was one thing he knew. She was alive. She was alive, and most likely well. That simply would not do. Rei Ayanami had to die. _Now._ Her soul was in need of harvest.

'But _how!'_ The man thought frantically. There was only one way. Only one way that Rei could have survived such an explosion. Especially when the thirteenth had not been so lucky.

Rei had embraced her angelic counterpart. Now, she was fully one of them. But that interfered with his plans more than anything. Killed _everything! _Damn. He wasn't even certain if she had a human soul that could _be retrieved anymore! Worse! _All of the _angels_ had to be dead for his plan to work! _All_ of them.

He sighed; breathed long and hard. Had anyone been present to see him they would have dropped a jaw at such a human display of emotion. They would never believe he was actually close to panic though. He had that, at least.

Rei Ayanami was one of the angels. Okay. He could deal with that. And when she returned, and she would, there was no doubt of it now, she would wish to initiate her _own_ version of the third impact. He could not allow that. Okay. Plan.

Plan…

Epiphany hit him.

And plan he did.

By the time he reached his desk and sat down, folding his hands across his lips in his usual position he was grinning like a madman.

* * *

"Let me out!" Touji screamed for the billionth time. His throat was sore and he felt like he hadn't eaten in weeks. His arms strained and pinched and burned where the metal shackles held him to the table. If he could see his wrists and ankles he was certain they would be bruised beyond recognition.

But he couldn't.

His words were barely even understandable with his jaw sometimes hanging and wobbling as if he had no control over it whatsoever. It had healed somewhat under their care, but Nerv was a harsh mistress. He was strapped to a medical table. More needles were injected into his bloodstream then he had veins. His eyes had been held open for almost two hours now, by strange devices shining bright lights into his otherwise, unmovable face.

He wished it would end. He wanted to die. He hated Nerv. Dammit all!

He thought back to that moment. That day. Watching Rei. He remembered everything from the moment the angel entered his skin. It was a slithery, slimy acid, that seemed to swim. It sunk into the LCL within his plug and at first he had disregarded it. A strange 'fuzzy area' in the LCL. Probably some toxin helping him breath or something.

It quivered, like the background behind a roaring bonfire. Hazy. And it surged towards him. He hadn't even noticed.

Until it pried his mouth open so far it broke his jaw. Then he noticed. He screamed like mad until the freakish ooze sunk all the way down his throat and saturated his insides, a metaphoric puppet master in the form of an ooze like slug.

In truth, it was the fact that his jaw was alright even after the angel had left him, that had the Nerv staff so afraid of him. They feared he still held an angel. So the _good doctor_ Ritsuko- Hah! The woman was a devil! He would wring her throat the second he got the chance! He wanted to kill her, and that was no angel influence –had been testing every particle of his body for a trace of the angel.

He wished they would find some so they would just kill him and get it over with. His other option was the cell. The cell… he hated the cell. He wanted to die there. Lonely. So… lonely.

His thoughts drifted, and his whining ceased. No one would come anyway. 'Rei.' Always back to Rei. The girl had self destructed her Evangelion. His had been blown away by the explosion, sending it rocketing off into the distance. Extensive damage to the Evangelion's front, but the beast was otherwise fine.

Rei though…

'She died for me…' he thought dismally. 'I can't believe she…'

He'd seen her face. Her small smile, on the monitor. It had seemed as if she was talking to someone, even as she fought the angel that had entered her. Gritting her teeth and smiling, her eyes glazed over as if seeing something he could not.

He could moan that his life was terrible now. That Nerv had stripped him of all rights as a human being, but… at least he was still alive.

He thought about that a moment, and realized that only a few moments ago, he had been wishing they would kill him.

He barked a laugh at that. His mood flipped from suicidal to guilty without him even noticing the change. He wasn't sure, but he thought, if he was left alone much longer, that he would truly go mad. Either way though…

'Rei. I… I'm sorry…'

Suddenly, the lights shining down into his eyes were gone.

"Hello, Pilot Suzuhara. We've never been formally introduced." A voice spoke to him, lowly in a tone that terrified him in its unusual cheeriness. He saw a black figure but he couldn't really distinguish anything except shadows. Where the figure was, lay a bit darker of a shadow then the ceiling behind him. He thought it was a him. Ritsuko wore a white coat. Even with his bleary eyes he knew that she would stand out if it were her.

Something must be wrong with his hearing if he couldn't even tell the difference between a male and a female voice…

"I am Commander Ikari. I believe you are friends with my son." The voice spoke more clearly this time, and now Touji could understand it well. Okay, perhaps it was the man's fault. He'd spoken so strangely the first time. Shinji's dad? Great! Maybe… he'd talk some sense into these bastards.

"Y-Yeah…" Touji attempted to respond. His jaw burned. Talking… was a bad idea.

"I'm here on the behalf of Rei Ayanami. The pilot you killed."

Touji's eyes widened.

"So you see… you've given me a bit of a problem…" The man trailed off. Touji was no longer happy to see him. Fear crept up his shoulders, at least doubling the fear that was already there, and goose-bumps began to spread throughout his skin.

"I find myself in need of a soul, pilot."

Touji gulped, as the man finally faded into focus.

"Yours will do perfectly."

The last thing Touji saw was a black hand hovering down over his eyes, a pair of gold glasses…

…and a grin.

* * *

Asuka shivered. Then, she shivered again. A sweet rush of joy and pleasure wafted up her spine, as if someone were trailing a feather along it. She wanted to sing, and dance, and laugh, and jump. Somehow, it was as invigorating as the thought that she had found her mother again. As strong. As passionate. As…

Dear god. She was walking on clouds.

Slowly, she parted from him. Her hands lay on his shoulders. How did they get there? For that matter, who cared? Her knees wanted to break with the strain of holding her up. Dammit! She was stronger than… oh… his eyes. They looked like…

Gah! What the hell was she do—? Oh… that felt nice… Shinji's hands… when did he put them on her back?

"I can't lose you either, Asuka." He murmured up to her, staring into her eyes.

Asuka felt her heart skip a beat. Two beats. Three. Four. Dammit! Idiot heart! Start beating again! She almost pounded her chest for emphasis, but the even that was forgotten as Shinji moved again.

She felt his gentle tug pull her slowly down to sit next to him on the couch and her lips locked with his once again. Slowly, his hand fell down her back, even as the other trailed up it to her shoulder. His lips were more vigorous this time. More insistent.

Asuka could hardly think.

It felt like hours. Like seconds. She couldn't tell. His lips fell away from hers again, and she realized that she'd closed her eyes at some point. Her skin pouted with want of more… Wh-what the hell was he doing to her! His hands were still…!

"Sch…. Scheiβe…" the girl cursed euphorically. "Sh-shouldn't have… held your… nose… last time." She murmured. Why was he grinning? Stupid idiot...!

Hah hah! She liked that grin. Dummkopf.

Was she delirious? The way her thoughts kept jumping from pleasure, to cursing the boy, to giggling in her mind… but…

Surely not! Not from baka-Shin… oh! D-Damn he was forward! How dare he grab… her… Wait! He was seducing her, the jerk! But that wasn't right… she'd… she'd started it… but… But he was kissing her again! He had good lips… Dammit! She couldn't think if he kept moving his hand around on her butt like tha—!

"_Asuka…" _He moaned the name into her lips, making her hiss in pleasure. His hand grasped her head through her hair and she lifted herself off of his mouth. His hand swiveled around her as she lay into his shoulder, clutching at him, gasping for breath. His other hand still rolled around behind her making her catch her breath with every movement.

Her breathing became heavy. She felt so warm. Everywhere. Wrapped in a blanked crafted of the presence of another. Had she ever felt so close to anyone…? Had she ever felt so loved?

No. She could think of no finer moment than this…

"Shinji… I…" She whispered breathily into his ear. "I… want…"

She jerked in shock as the boy twisted her once again, lying her back down onto the arm of the large couch; he fell atop her, her whispers lending the boy courage she knew he would never have, otherwise. Throwing himself atop her, he kissed her again. This time, lustily. Strongly.

Oh god. Shinji was controlling her!

Her entire body shivered at that thought; the feather that had been trailing her spine earlier, now touched every erogenous zone on her body at once. She'd never felt anything like it before. She never wanted it to end. He was so close to her. Her heart. Her mind. Her body. He knew her… and she him. He was so far inside her walls that he couldn't even tell they were there anymore.

And she didn't want him to.

If Shinji had been able to see through Asuka's eyelids, kissing her like mad as he was, both of them scrambling into the bedroom drunkenly banging into the walls, he would have seen that they were flaring a deep, burning crimson.

Had he looked in a mirror, he'd have seen that his own were, too.

* * *

Awake! Awake!

Breath. Breathing. It hurt! Her heart, and her lungs burned. God! God! It hurt!

She shook her head where was she? Liquid. She couldn't move… it hurt! Everything hurt! Light, burned her eyes. Her muscled felt so weak. The ground below her felt so cold… so hard. So unkind. She squirmed but nothing helped. She couldn't move. She was to weak.

Cold. Cold! Oh… g-god…

Suddenly, warmth. Her eyes tried to focus but they were to new. Her mouth watered and she cried. Her eyes screamed, but the warmth helped. She felt herself held. Lifted. She was being wrapped in a soft warm cover…

Her eyes darted, never focusing on anything. Never able to focus. Never…

Limbs were holding her. Placing her. Something soft… it was warm. She couldn't stop crying…

But then… something… something to focus on. Something… two of them. They were dark. The thing moved. W-words…

"Hello, Rei…" It was a person. A person's eyes.

Safe! Safe! Warm! Safe! Those eyes. This person. This person made her safe. She shivered, and stopped screaming and crying, staring into his soft eyes. A name came to her. A name that touched that face. Why did she know this person? From where?

A flash. An image of him. Burned hands. A pair of broken glasses.

"I…kar…i?"

A hand caressed her face. Calm. Those eyes. Those eyes were safe… they wanted her… to be… calm…

The face smiled, and if possible, became even more loving and warm. "Welcome to the world, Rei."

A flash. A little girl. Mimiko. Her younger sister. Wait… _her? _Something wasn't right here. Her name wasn't… "Rei? My name is… Rei? No… I'm...? But…"

The eyes turned hard.

Gendo Ikari frowned as the girl flinched in fear at the anger that undoubtedly shown in his eyes. It didn't matter though. There were no 'buts.' It was too late for him to have anything but unquestioning obedience.

"Flush her mind. Twice. Then implant Rei's memories again."

A mask with a long tube attached falling away down to the floor appeared in the man's hand; harshly, he pressed the rubber thing down over her nose and mouth. Gas! Sick… it smelled vile. She didn't want to be sedated! She wanted…!

"No…! No! I…" Her arms were bolted down. She struggled but to no avail. The breathing mask was placed over her mouth.

Darkness.

* * *

Hideku shivered inwardly as he gave another glance down at the girl out of the corner of his eye, though his face didn't show it. She was definitely an odd one. And no longer half so intimidating as she had been. Now she was merely a regular girl. Or so it seemed. He was surprised at just how… gentle the girl appeared to be. She was some angelic being but she appeared to not understand a bit of human things. Things like… walking and talking. She walked with a strange gait that had no cause to exist in human anatomy, but she kept up just fine at least.

She'd threatened his life. He knew that he had been inches from death. But then, it was as if she'd had an epiphany… or… just realized that she didn't want to see him hurt. Or something. Either way, he was alive. The tsunami of water about to come crashing down on his head with enough force to break a building, the girl has blasted right through the strange geyser, grasping him and tackling him away, the fall, skidding on the concrete sidewalk, holding him above her.

She'd become human after that.

Hideku considered himself a strange fellow, and perhaps he was. One of the main reasons being, that he didn't fear death. He was old. He'd lived a very good life. Even the aftermath of the second impact had left him better off than most. So when he'd thought his death was coming to him, he'd simply accepted it.

Being saved had been… _unexpected._

He'd thought he should be afraid of the girl. He knew normal people would be, but he wasn't. Why should he be? He did have somewhat of a death wish after all. Sure he did have the usual fear of the unknown that all people felt when confronted with something they didn't understand, but that was an old feeling and he acknowledged it for what it was. There were many rational explanations for what he had seen, the most likely one being his own delusions.

Still, he wasn't afraid. If this girl truly was some strange alter being he'd probably already be dead. So that killed his reason to fear. Add to that, he'd longed to join his wife now for quite some time. Living here, with no living children or family… it was practically living a dead life anyway.

All his children had died in the second impact. It took effort for him to hold back the bitterness from his tongue whenever his thoughts turned to that. Meteor… Cows Dung! That was no meteor. Meteors didn't make explosions of light that killed people half the world away.

'Damn government cover-ups…" He thought abysmally.

It took some time for him to turn his glance back to the girl. She'd been following him, but he held back now; he slowed his steps and walked in line with her, taking his first real look at her, and finding her to seem even more human than he had previously assumed.

'Strange…' He thought, staring down at the small girl, walking beside him. 'She looks… cold.'

She did. She looked quite normal, now. Quite human. Her arms drifted around her side. They hadn't spoken a word, but the girl had been… following him for almost a kilometer now.

Maybe he was actually in shock? No. He _felt_ alright… And he'd been in shock before. This didn't feel like that did.

This just felt strange. Walking along, the girl keeping pace with him. Hell, he wasn't even looking where he was going, thinking about the strange, albeit nearly fatal, meeting they'd had probably half an hour ago now.

He'd stood up, picking himself up off the girl. After she'd saved his life. After she'd… _flown. _What could he do… but stare down at her? He'd been afraid then, but it had only lasted until he realized that the blue glow, and the red flashes had completely disappeared. He'd backed away, and stared at her still, while she too stood, their eyes never leaving each other.

It seemed an eternity that he stared into those red pupils. He'd turned… and walked away.

And she'd followed him.

For a half hour now. Not a word. What could he say? Thanks for saving me from that wave you made? Yeah… that would be discreet.

Here they were, though. And it was obvious she wouldn't be making any move for speech. Heck, she probably couldn't even talk. Worth it to try anyway though, he supposed.

"You… are cold?" He asked, trying to give the impression that he hadn't just seen the impossible.

"Yes." She replied stoically. Well, apparently she _could_ talk.

He sighed. It was a chilly night. Damn him for his gentlemanly ways. He slipped his old brown coat off, and idly placed it on her shoulders. The girl's eyes met his, surprise dawning in them, as the large coat draped over the white skin-tight suit she wore. Then, gratitude.

"Thank you." She said, that same mute voice. It reminded him of a soldier.

Pilot. Right. That was where he knew her from. Maybe she was a soldier? Some type of 'bio-mechawhosit super soldier' or something? He gave another glance down at the girl, with that thought in mind, scanning her for evidence. Skin tight suit. Said suit ripped in so many places it was likely she'd been dragged through a thorn bush. Hell, a thorn _forest. _Stoic attitude. Glowing blue aura. _Flying_.

…

'Yep. Has to be the government.' He thought, impishly.

"Why are you following me?" He asked, impartially. He stopped, and found that he had somehow made it to his home, his large glass greenhouses glittering in the soft glow of the stars and streetlamps, stretching down and away down the street. A gust of wind burst past him and he scratched the back of his head to hide the shiver that crawled up his spine. It _was_ a cold night.

"You confuse me." The robot girl replied. "People who are afraid… try to get away from the thing they fear. You should fear me. But you do not. I was seconds from ending your life. But you do not run away. Why?"

Hideku's eyes rose. A deep question. A strange girl, indeed.

"No one person is the same as any other, lass." He replied, trying to find the right words to appease her curiosity. "Some people are scared to death a' spiders. Some of pain. Some are scared a' dyin'." He gave a sigh… he felt old when he realized how philosophical he sounded. Sixty eight wasn't _that_ old. "My only fear is the look on my wife's face when I get to the other side. She'll be angry that I waited so long to come to 'er, you see? Strangle me with 'er apron, that she will."

The girl… giggled. Well, now that sure ruined that scary persona she'd crafted so well. Hideku felt his heart warming. Perhaps not such a robot after all. Heck… if she were a few years younger she'd look just like…

He shook himself. No, no, there would be none of that. He wasn't going to be some foolish old man who went all 'gaga' for a girl who had a passing resemblance to one of his dead loved ones. No. That old man would _definitely not_ be him!

But… if her hair were brown… she'd look just like...

He shook himself again and continued, on a cheerier note. "A' course, that'd only be half bad, ya see. Since, I'd already be dead, she couldn't quite kill me again, so sooner or later, she'd have to jus' give up and kiss me. So it's a win in the end."

The girl's giggle faded quickly and her stoicism recovered. But it was plainly obvious that she held no ill will towards him. The silence, enunciated only by the usual sounds of night, crickets and the idle sound of vehicles some distance away, did nothing to easy the steadily deteriorating mood.

Something was definitely troubling this girl. A bit of guilt welled up in him, along with an almost unbearable nostalgia. She just looked so much like…

With a bit of horror he realized that, if he kept trying to tie this girl to his long dead granddaughter, then he might actually end up hurting himself. He needed something concrete. Something firm to separate her from the image he had in his mind.

"Got a name, girl?" He asked kindly.

"Yes." She replied.

Silence. He waited for her to give the name. More silence. Hideku furrowed his eyebrows. Was she joking with him?

"Well, what is it?" He asked, a bit more harshly then he had intended.

"Ayanami, Rei." She replied quickly, giving a decidedly awkward bow. "What is your name, sir?"

The lack of personality had returned. The robot girl. Hideku was almost relieved. That giggle was dangerous. The memories it brought back… hurt too much.

"I'm Hideku Uto." He replied in kind.

She gave a full bow this time. "It… is good to meet you."

She did not rise from the bow. She didn't move.

He gave a somewhat sharp laugh. "Lass, there's no need to be so formal with me. I…?"

A glint fell from the girl's face, sparkling in the moonlight as it dropped to the ground. He stiffened. Something was wrong. Another drop. She was… was…? "I… is… did I say somethin' wrong?" He asked. Surely he hadn't… hadn't offended her in some way.

"You… you said… when you die... You plan you'd meet her there. You're wife…?" Her eyes stayed low. Her face to the ground, more glints falling from her wet eyes. "Will it be a happy reunion…? Or will she hate you… for staying behind?"

Oh no. No.

He'd seen tears like that before. He'd seen feigned giggles like that before…

Awkwardly, he crouched down and laid a hand on the girl's shoulder. Her eyes rose, and he could see twin trails of tears rolling down her face. "What is happening to me…?" She whispered weakly. "Why do I feel so sad? I lived. I should be happy. I should be… be…"

His hand felt enormous on her small shoulder, but he didn't know what else to do. "You… lost someone. Didn't you…?" He asked, trying to be soft about it, but it was impossible. How could one softly inquire about the death of a loved one? It was impossible.

The girl looked at him, and tried to smile. The nerve! As if he would believe that she were happy. As if he were so gullible. He was a veteran of dealing with loss. He knew the sting of watching those you love pass on. He knew that sting so well that he could see it in her like a neon sign, with just that one small hint.

"My… my… Mother…" Rei stuttered grimly, but her voice grew in volume. "I… thought I hated her… She hurt me! But she didn't want to die. I wanted… us both to… to go on. To forget. To become the third… I wanted to die!"

Hideku didn't know what to say. What to do. So he listened. Listened and watched as the tears she'd so successfully held back came bursting forth, along with emotion such that Hideku had not seen in a long time. It brought him back… it hurt. But it surely hurt her more.

"Wh-why does it hurt so bad…!?" She questioned him, hatefully, wishing for an answer to a question she didn't even understand. "Why? Why am I still here!? I was supposed to go with her! I was supposed to… Supposed to!"

Hideku did the only thing he could. He moved towards her and wrapped his arms around her. What else could he do? She was distraught beyond measure. He felt her tense… then relax… then she buried her face into his shoulder. And screamed and cried, muffling the sound in his old button up shirt.

Inside, Hideku felt his heart breaking all over again, just like in second impact, for this girl he had only just met. "I'm sorry lass… I know it hurts. I'm sorry."

She only screamed louder.

* * *

Shinji felt everyone was staring at him. And by everyone… he meant _everyone. _

'I slept with Asuka last night…'

Their eyes linger on him like a thousand phantoms. Every girl who gave even the smallest giggle. That giggle was surely gossip about him! Every boy to chuckle or laugh. It felt like it was aimed at him as surely as the red dot of a sniper.

'I _slept_ with Asuka Sohryu last night!'

But surely they weren't. Asuka wouldn't want people to know that she'd slept together with ante-baka Shinji. Surely not!

Either way, a level of awkwardness had arisen between them now that engulfed everything they had ever experienced. Even before the eighth when they barely knew each other, things were never this awkward.

Added to that, was the worst part. The jolt that twitched in his stomach. The twitch of worry. The fear. The adrenaline. The incredible fear. They hadn't used any contraceptives. And he _knew_ how babies were made. That scared him more than anything.

More than anything… except the thought of never talking to her again. But… Even if she was blushing around him like an ditzy school-girl. Even if he was now so terrified of talking to her that he was quite certain he had actually _swallowed_ his throat…

'I _slept_ with _Asuka Langley Sohryu_ last night!'

There was pride.

Finally.

Shinji Ikari had something to be _prideful_ about. Worthless baka Shinji had… done something _right!_ A grin came to his face though it was a slight one. God, but he wished she wasn't being so weird about this! Still… Who could boast that they'd been with such a beautiful girl? Who? Hah hah! In the depths of his mind, below the nice boy that was the core of his personality, the small corner he reserved for his arrogance was banging at the walls of its cage with unbearable passion.

'_Eat your heart out, jocks! Hah!'_

He blushed, embarrassed at the thoughts that were quite unwillingly running through his head. He harbored little offense against _anyone_ in this school, but _still!_ Evangelion pilot he may be, but that didn't stop him from taking that very small bit of pride in knowing that he had _caught_ her.

A terrible way to think of her. Perhaps somewhat sexist he realized. But he couldn't help it. She was _his! Verdammt! _

He gave a destitute sigh and plunged his forehead into his desk with a loud bang that the teacher's dull ears couldn't catch, sighing in misery at the surprised gasps of the girls sitting behind him. 'Who am I kidding? God I hope she's mine… Please, let her still want me! Why won't she talk to me!?'

'When did I start cursing in German?' He thought, irritated.

Glancing up at the clock he realized dimly that, somehow, this class had only just begun. Only ten minutes had passed since class had started this morning, but it felt like hours.

Hours since he had walked in and begun enduring the unbearable stares. Hours enduring the cold feeling of Asuka hunching over her laptop. Oh… and the teacher. Right. Forgot about him. Not the second impact today, thank god. He was talking about the second world war and the American view of 

it. That interested him a bit, and for a moment the thought he might actually be able to make himself pay attention.

Then, finally a small ray of hope came.

"_We need to talk. Meet me at lunch behind the gym." _

It was a message from Asuka. It popped up on his screen without warning and made his heart stop beating. He wanted to talk to her now! Three hours? He had to wait for _three hours!? _What in the world would he do for three hou—!

The door to the classroom suddenly opened.

"Ah, miss Ayanami. It's good to have you back!" The teacher erupted with relief.

Shinji's faced jerked. Asuka's entire _body_ jerked.

"Mmm…. M-mein gott…!" The red-head chimmed in terror.

The dead were walking. Ayanami Rei was alive.

* * *

"Hey, uhm… Asuka…? Do you know anything about what's going on with Touji?" Kensuke asked warily as he approached the redhead, cautiously.

Asuka sighed. "Why don't you ask Shinji, stooge?" She replied, kindly in her opinion. Kensuke was such a _nerd! _Just his presence irritated her!

She began thinking about that and realized that the same had been true not terribly long ago about Shinji. He had irritated her for no reason. His incessant apologies. His shyness. The fact that it was possible that he could truly pilot his Evangelion better then she could hers… All of these things had made her _hate_ the third child back then.

They were the same things she thought she might love about him now. Thinking on that logic, she decided that she probably should give the other two idiots at least a bit of a chance.

Then, something struck her.

Touji.

Touji was the pilot of the angel, when Rei fought it. But… she hadn't seen him since. What had… what had happened to…?

The question brimming in her mind was answered even as she thought it.

"I-I did." Kensuke replied. "He said that Doctor A-Akagi told him Touji was being kept in the medical facility, and she wouldn't let him visit. I… I was hoping you might know why. Is he gonna be okay?" The 

boy asked cautiously. It was no secret that Kensuke held some prominent feelings of fear for the second child, and without Touji to back him up, it showed quite more visibly.

A small pang of guilt hit Asuka for that. Maybe she had been a bit of an ass.

But she had more important things to worry about right now.

"I… I don't know. I'm sure Shinji wouldn't lie though. I… with what happened to Rei… I'd forgotten about Touji." She admitted.

Kensuke's eyes widened in surprise at the unusual attitude the girl was showing. Kensuke didn't think he'd ever heard the girl so much as admit a flaw to anyone, let alone him.

"Sorry, Kensuke. I'll be sure to ask tonight. We have a sync test. The first one in a while…"

Before his eyes had only widened. Now, Kensuke's _mind boggled_. "Y-You're… sorry?"

Asuka's mind drifted, and her eyes did too as she began to wonder about what had happened to Touji. She knew that Unit 03 had survived relatively unharmed… but when she'd been debriefed the only thing she could think about was how… how Rei…

How Rei had died.

But… it seemed she had thought too soon.

"A-Asuka? You are really Asuka, right?" He asked, shocked.

Asuka's eyes narrowed. "Stooge! Look, we thought something really bad happened to Rei okay? Touji's unit was fine, so I didn't think anything happened to him! And what? I can be sorry! You idiot! Verdammt!"

"Okay! Sorry! Sorry! I—! Er… I'm sorry!" The boy cried as he dashed away.

Asuka huffed, angrily at military enthusiast's retreating form and gave a sigh when he had finally gotten out of sight. 'Okay… maybe that was a little bit overboard. I've got to remember to ask Doctor Akagi about Touji though… yeah. I'll ask tonight.'

With Kensuke now gone, almost against her will, the red-head's thoughts invariably drifted back to the exact same subject she had been daydreaming about _before_ Kensuke had approached her. Her eyes took on a rather dreamy haze and her mind brought her forcibly to the night before.

Her heart sped up, and her head raced to rationalize the things that had led her to such drastic actions. Memories swirled with dizziness at the images that were conjured, and she felt like she was floating as her mind began to re-enact what had happened. The couch. Shinji laying her down. Their mad walk to Shinji's bedroom, barely keeping from crashing onto the floor.

His lips on hers.

His arms… his skin… his—!

She shook herself, vigorously trying to pry herself away from the fantasy. The action sent a chill up her spine as if recovering from an orgasm, though on an infinitely smaller level. She couldn't believe just how intense she had felt. How strongly… how much affection there was between the two of them. She'd never even realized it was there.

It was astounding really.

She'd been told that first times were supposed to be painful for girls. It hadn't been. Perhaps that had been a result of her years of physical training. That was what her mind told her. The small hopeful little girl, an underused side of her that had been repressed for so long, now wanted her to believe that it hadn't hurt her for the simple fact that it was Shinji.

Anyone else would have been different… but because he was special… because he knew her so well, it didn't.

Because… he… loved her?

The word hadn't come up, but she felt that it had been implied in his eyes. Still, it wasn't exactly his fault. She wasn't going to tell him that she… well…

She didn't even know what she felt. She just wanted him. Everything in her wanted him. She wanted to know more of his secrets, just so she could trust him with more of her own. Was that love? Or was it just unconditional need?

She hoped it was just the need.

"Everyone I love dies..." She whispered silently to herself.

As she walked into the classroom returning to her next class, she gave him a glance, and quickly looked away, realizing how his eyes lit up when her eyes flashed to him. She flushed red, as an unbearable urge to just lay her head on his shoulder came over her.

Behind her, she could almost feel a visible wave of depression wash over her. She hadn't spoken to him this morning… What could she say? 'You make me feel like I'm floating?' Right. She wasn't that girl.

She was the second children and pilot of Unit 02. If Shinji came to her at that moment and told her he didn't want anything to do with her, then she'd be more than fine. Independence was her creed.

…

'Who am I kidding…?' She thought to herself dismally. 'Shinji… don't hurt me… don't die…"

_A-Asuka… I… cold…_

Asuka froze.

For a moment the shock of hearing that voice completely stopped her, but she recovered quickly. She would not fall for this again. Not again.

'You're not real!' She demanded. 'You're not!'

A touch landed on the back of her head as if a hand was brushing down her hair, trying to sooth her. At least she thought one did. She jerked, but found no one behind her save for the students, trying not to fall asleep.

_I am. And… I am… sorry._

A tear slid down Asuka's cheek.

"You're… not… real…" She whispered with all the hatred and fear she could muster.

* * *

Birds were chirping. Rei's eyes opened slowly, fluttering heatedly in an abysmal attempt to flush out the incoming rays of light from the nearby window. A warm quilt fell off her as she rose, and began to take in her surroundings.

Day sung to her and light seemed to wish to raise her spirits.

She was in a large bedroom, folded deeply within the middle of a grandiose bed beneath three blankets and atop at least two. The room was well furnished. A fireplace sat about two meters past the foot of the bed. Deep blue carpet decorated the floors and the walls were filled to the brim with hundreds of pictures ranging from photographs of family long gone to framed cut outs of important newspaper clippings. All memories. All things long gone, Rei could tell from the age of the pictures alone.

A heavy wooden door, in sharp contrast to the normal Japanese tradition, looking a bit more European then most homes she had seen barred her from seeing out into the rest of the house.

Glancing from left to right she saw that the bed, easily large enough for two to sleep comfortably, had two side tables. Upon the right one close to the door, lay a vase filled to the brim with the most beautiful array of flowers Rei had ever seen.

"Flowers…?" She questioned softly. Her hand reached for the glass vase and a small slip of paper appeared to her laying at the bottom. Disregarding it, she picked it up.

"People are supposed to smell flowers. That is what they are used for. They smell nice." Rei recited, memories of rumors heard, and memories of Naoko's teachings. Memories. So many memories.

Bringing the vase to her nose she inhaled the scent of the radiant blue and yellow blooms, and found them to serve their intended function quite well. The smell was intoxicating, and she felt a small brim of joy bloom within her just from that tiny smell.

So small. All the flowers in the world couldn't ease the volcano of guilt and grief that she felt. She'd killed her mother. Her mother was gone. And somehow she was still _here! _

"I should have died." She murmured to herself, her stoicism the only thing keeping her from crying.

She inhaled again, attempting to enjoy the sweet tonic of scents the blooms created to no avail. It was like treating a burn wound with Tylenol.

For hours it seemed, she sat there, staring into the beautiful blooms. She hugged the flowers to herself so hard that she thought she might break the slim glass, but it held. She began crying again, the lump in her throat bringing her guilt to almost unbearable levels.

Hours and hours more, but finally her eyes dried. She had cried herself to sleep the night before. Forgotten everything but the pain of losing her mother. The pain of killing her, and knowing that she had done so. Was this how Naoko had felt? Was this the guilt that she had endured? If it was, Rei wished she had forgiven her sooner. No one should hurt this much. These emotions… these feelings. Everything was easier without them.

Life… hurt too much.

A small brush against her lap alerted her to the still unread message hanging off the bottom of the flower vase, and slowly, she picked it up. She… had to be stronger than this. Naoko wouldn't want her crying like this.

Would she…?

The commander wouldn't… in any case.

No. Best not to think about him. She didn't know whether he was a monster or a saint right now. Her mother was dead, and one could arguably believe that it had been his fault. Why he wouldn't unfreeze unit 02. Why he left her out to fight alone?

'No!' Rei thought frantically. 'Stop thinking about it! Just… just stop thinking about it! I can't deal with this.'

She forcibly placed her eyes on the message and read it through the blurry vision of finally-clearing eyes.

_They're called Aeyals. A type of rose that never existed before the second impact. The first natural thorn-less roses. I always thought they were symbolic. Out of the ashes of the second impact, grew these, the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen. From all grief there is goodness, if ya only look for it. Anyway, I'm out in the greenhouses, tending these. You can come out anytime if ya like. _

—_Hideku_

"Aeyals." Rei intoned, staring down at the blue and yellow flowers. He was right. They did look just like roses. But with no thorns. She'd seen them before, once or twice in random places. Few people owned gardens in the city but she remembered seeing some of these flowers, in her memories as the First.

The message did not help.

"I see no goodness. I… killed her. Where is goodness in that?" She whispered. "I… want her to say something! I want to know she doesn't hate me… I didn't want her to go on without me."

…

'I… want her forgiveness.'

It was a cruel irony to know Naoko had wanted the very same thing. It had taken death for Rei to give it to her. The woman's smile haunted her.

Wearily, she threw her legs over the side of the bed, and stood. Somberly she walked to the door and opened it into a hallway that was much the same as the bedroom. Pictures uncountable rested on the walls and Rei felt like she could understand Hideku's entire life just from them. Nephews and nieces. Daughters, sons, brothers, cousins, parents. So many people. Once, he'd had a very large family. To live alone in this giant house… life must have hurt him too.

It seemed that it hurt everyone.

She walked through the hallway slowly, idly examining the family that Hideku had obviously once had. Perhaps many were still alive. Perhaps not.

Down a staircase, into an immaculate front room; magnificent all of it. The man was obviously quite wealthy, as there was hardly a hint of decay or age showing in the refreshed wood and lively carpet.

She stepped out the door and found the sun shining even more brightly then it had been in her window. She put her hand up to block it and left, finding row after row of endless glass buildings.

She entered the first one she saw and was happy to find that Hideku was in it, close to the back, his body shuffling around looking many times more dirty then he had the day before, but also happier. A white shirt, covered in dirt, along with sweat from the hot temperature of the interior of his greenhouses, and he appeared to be quite heavily burdened with a large supply of… mud.

"Ayanami-san!" He called, as soon as he saw her. He gave a wide grin. He instantly began shuffling over towards her, dropping the bucket of mud, not taking the time to care that the contents had splashed out over his work-worn denim jeans.

"Y-Yes?" She asked, as he approached.

"Come on, come on. Would ya like to help me?" He asked plainly, his face brimming with an uncanny level of happiness. It almost made her angry. She had no right to be angry at him though. None at all. It was not his fault that she had killed her mother. He had nothing to do with it at all.

"I… Would rather no—!"

"Thought ya would! It'll sure be nice to have a hand around here. Now come on. With me… see all these pots? I gotta get em all filled and planted by the end of the day. Here! Let me show you how to…"

Rei's eyes boggled as he pushed her beyond the rows of already grown plants. What must have been 

forty or fifty tables lay all across the back end of the glass building, each with their own collection of what had to be at least as many pots. All empty, all waiting to be filled.

"I… don't think I—"

He interrupted again without pause. "Okay! Here's what you do."

He set about guiding her to the same pail of mud that he had dropped earlier with no care, grabbed her arms and laid them on the bucket's handle.

Rei was flabbergasted. Did this man not hear that she didn't want to do any of thi—!

"Well come on, lass! We don't have all day. Here. Start dumping that into these pots. Don't worry about getting messy either. That suit you're wearing is so torn up that I'd only keep it if it were an heirloom or something. You can dirty it up. Come on."

And Rei found herself doing what he said. At first with irritation. Then… slowly, interest. She didn't realize, throughout all of this that the man's true goal was to make her forget the loss so deeply imbedded in her mind.

Hours past, and slowly Hideku watched the girl's thoughts drift away from her grief. Her loss. He was glad to see that it was working.

As Rei learned by watching him work, and then did as he asked, Hideku was happy to see that his little ploy had the intended effect. Of course, the grief would always come back… it would always haunt her. He knew that. Deaths of loved ones always did, no matter what the situation was. But, for now, the one thing that had kept him from going insane all those years ago when he'd learned of so many deaths in his family after the impact, was now helping this young girl go through the same thing.

'There's always goodness. Maybe this is a part of it. Everything I went through… so I could know how to help this girl make it. Maybe this is my goodness?' He thought tragically. Then he shook himself and returned to his work, taking his eyes away from the girl. She was frustrated with the digging, placing the seeds, but he could tell that it was keeping her mind from the grief.

"Gah… I really am a strange old man, aren't I?" He murmured aloud, not expecting Rei to be able to hear him.

The blue haired girl turned to face him, wiping a bit of sweat off her brow.

"Yes." She said simply. They paused a moment. "But… I like you." Then the girl turned back to digging.

Hideku chuckled.

* * *

"Shinji…" Asuka said plainly, trailing off his name as she stared into his eyes, her voice failing to disguise the inner turmoil burning through her.

Shinji had trouble keeping his eyes locked on hers. He couldn't help but want to trail them all over her body, as well as attempt to simply divert them. Shyness had a bad habit of being the type of personality trait that almost nothing could kill. Even the fact that he'd seen her entirely naked the night before, darkness or not, did little to dissuade his shyness.

It did do enough though. He and Asuka had become so close now, that he felt he had the ability to stand on his own feet.

"Asuka…" He replied. Idly, he leaned his back into the building, feeling the soft sink of his shoes into the grass of the track behind the school's gymnasium. A dim wind blew across his face and he felt an uplifting of his emotion.

He gasped as he was forced to catch the girl, even as she flung herself at him.

"Shinji!" She echoed, burring her eyes in his shoulder. "I'm… I'm not…"

"Asuka…" He breathed, confused, his arms naturally folding around her, coming to rest in a hug as close as any they had been enthralled in the night before. "Wh-what's wrong?"

"I'm… not insane… right? I'm not… T-tell me I'm not!" She begged and demanded at the same time.

His back slumped into the wall behind him and they both fell to the ground. She wasn't… insane…? It didn't matter. If she needed to hear it, she would. "Y… You aren't insane… Asuka. Y-You're the most sane person I know!"

Asuka curled closer to him even as she lightened her embrace, tears falling freely. "Then why won't she leave me alone…? Why does she keep talking to me in my head…?"

"I… tell me what's going on, Asuka!" Shinji said, softly.

She met his eyes. Trust. She felt trust. She felt close. She felt… dependent. She was safe.

She was safe.

"I… I've… been…" she gave a big sniff, trying to stop her tears. "Hearing…. Hearing voices."

"Voices…?" He questioned, instantly recalling the voice he'd thought he'd heard before the twelfth angel had attacked. He'd thought it was a voice he recognized… his mother. But unlike Asuka, his mother had died long before he could remember anything but small thoughts of her. Memories of a melody the woman might have hummed once. Memories of a smile, without a face.

That was all he had of her.

"I… Yeah… I've been hearing… my mom's voice in my head. R-remember when unit 02 moved? She was talking to me… I thought that… that she was… there. But then she was gone. She didn't say anything for… between then and now I haven't heard anything… till just now." Asuka stuttered through the whole tale. The voices that had been plaguing her for so long. The weight of holding the whole thing to herself felt so much lighter with just these small words to him.

Her tears faded as she began to speak. The voice in her mind didn't speak to interrupt her either.

"I… I've been hearing them for so long now… But after that happened… I finally believed she was real, and then she was gone. She didn't say another word to me… It hurt… Like losing her all over again." She said. Somehow she had come to be sitting with her back to his chest, lying comfortably into his chest, his arms wrapped candidly around her stomach.

Shinji moved his arm to her shoulder and softly rubbed it. Soothing her, even as he tried to sooth his own frayed nerves. Her mother… a coincidence? Surely not…

"Shinji… I… Everyone… Everyone I care for… always leaves me. Everyone I get close to, leaves. They always—!"

"I'm not going anywhere." He interrupted, surprisingly firmly. "Asuka… I've liked you since the day we met. Your confidence. And then, all the layers beneath that I've found since. I… I love you Asuka. I won't go anywhere. I'm here for you. I promise."

Asuka couldn't help it. Her eyes began watering again and she turned to him. For a moment their eyes met. Then again she buried herself into his already quite wet shoulder. "I… love you too…" She whispered.

'Were… Were her eyes red?' Shinji thought as he pulled her lips to his.

Neither of them heard the small gasp of a certain brown-haired freckled girl.

* * *

Days past. Days became a week. A week became two. Then four.

Rei knew that she should go back to Nerv. But… she feared Gendo's wrath for finding her alive. She feared that everything her mother had told her had been true. As much as she felt that commander Ikari was a home for her— A man to lay his arm on her shoulder… A father— she didn't want to prove her mother right. She didn't want him to truly wish to kill her.

But… if he didn't find her… if he didn't know she existed then… then she could forever keep the image of the good man who would do anything to return to his wife.

And so she stayed, and found in this strange old man the type of thing true fathers were made of, even though she didn't know it.

"Oi! Ayanami! Get over here! I need help! Hurry!" The man exclaimed suddenly, and Rei sighed.

Exasperation. One of endless list of new emotions that she'd grown used to slowly with this strange man's help. She didn't know this one in particular could be quite so irritating. He was so incredibly foolish! Those were her thoughts as she dashed over to him, instantly grabbing a side of the table he had attempted to lift, which had proved to be too heavy for his old limbs.

"You shouldn't do this! I told you to stop trying to lift these on your own yesterday!" The girl exclaimed.

Hideku grinned sheepishly and would have scratched the back of his head, had he not been slowly inching the table across the room. The girl had changed so much from that first day. She'd become… she'd become…

She'd become a reason to live for an old man again.

His offer for a place to stay, given on the second day, had remained open, and the girl had taken advantage of it. At first, finding solace in the art of his old hobby, planting without thought.

Slowly… it had become more.

At first, Rei thought she was recovering from loss. Perhaps she had been. But his caring arms had grown on her. Every time the tears that she couldn't seem to rid herself of came to her eyes, he was there to dry them. His shoulder was there to cry on.

Commander Ikari never did that for her.

Naoko had. Long ago. Gendo… had never been there for her like that.

But then, she'd never needed him for anything like this before. He'd locked her emotions away. After Rei had realized just how much emotions such as guilt and despair hurt her, she thought that Gendo had been trying to do her a kindness.

Now… now weeks later, she thought maybe he had been wrong.

She smiled at Hideku's dumb smile.

Love. That was what this was. It was the same thing she felt for Shinji. But different. It was closer to how she thought of Naoko. She could no more describe the difference between the types then she could understand what they were doing to her. But she knew… that this one… this one emotion felt wonderful.

"Baka…" She murmured, stealing the insult of the second children and ruthlessly, yet affectionately placing it on the old man.

There was still so much pain from the death of the woman she'd only just found to be her mother. Every day she hoped that somehow, a small voice would appear, whispering in her mind. It never did… But even that pain was fading. A forgotten memory that was slowly beginning to heal with each tear she shed.

Hideku chuckled as he set the table down, scooting it into position. It had been a week gone since the girl had seemingly happened on the art of insulting those she cared for. It was strange. Like watching a two year old grow into a fifteen year old in a matter of days, the girl's personality bloomed with every touch he gave her. Every doting act, admittedly doing his best not to think of the girl as his own granddaughter, the girl seemed to evolve.

"Hey! No break for you then!" He yelled, half seriously.

"Hai. Gomen…" The girl replied, in a slightly depressed tone.

Hideku sighed… one of these days she would miraculously catch on to the concept of sarcasm. He hoped she would. She obviously had a ways to go till she reached normalcy, based on that alone. "I'm kidding girl. Sarcasm, remember?" He chuckled. "Go on. I'm tired as hell."

The blue haired girl's face brightened, and she bowed, demurely as always, and turned to walk out of the greenhouse, the lime green sweatpants and white button up shirt, dirtied with mud and shrubbery from her work all morning blowing tight to her skin as she stepped outside into the wind.

He was growing far to close… and he feared that when the day came that the girl had to leave, he would once again die inside.

And when that happened, he didn't think he'd be able to come back. Not again. Not again.

* * *

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki didn't really enjoy being inside the Commander's office. As any normal person would be, he was quite put off by the deep black circular room. But he was more than old enough to be able to put such annoyances aside. A trait, he found, had come with age.

Striding slowly, he approached the Commander's desk in the middle, finding him characteristically in his usual position, face hidden behind his folded, gloved hands.

"There is news." The Commander said before Fuyutsuki could speak. Not a question. It was likely the man already knew whatever Kozo was about to say.

"Yes." He replied stoically. "It's about Rei. The second Rei. We found her."

Kozo was surprised, by how Gendo reacted to that. He dropped his hands, and showcased his Cheshire grin.

He _never _dropped his hands…

"Eliminate her."

Without warning, the Alarm blared hatefully, signaling the attack of an angel.

For the briefest of moments, Kozo thought he saw Gendo grimace.

_**end part five **_

* * *

_**author's notes:**_

_**Damn! I wanted so badly to call this chapter by its original name, and get to the best plot twist so far, but I couldn't quite get there. I mean, I could've but the chapter would've had to stretch out to fifteen thousand to do it believably. Hideku and Rei's relationship needs time to build, as does Asuka and Shinji's before the next fun part. Originality in spades from here on out. **_

_**Speaking of Hideku, you thought I killed him didn't you? Heh heh. Now why would I have gone through the effort to outline his character so well last chapter if I was just going to kill him off?**_

_**Raise your hands if you're confused by what I've done to poor Touji! Take your shots! Guess away. Bet a few of ya hit it on the nail! **_

_**Again, anyone on here from Eastern IL U? I'm bored! I want friends! Hehe…**_

_**Bit of a note. For those who follow my Ranma fics, the next fic on my burners is not the next chapter of Rapture. Heh heh. Nope. Mark in the Lace is returning with a vengeance. My reread of the wheel of time series is nearing completion, and my reread of my own story has upped my interest in my insane Ranma-chan by tenfold. **_

_**Well, that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**_

_**Till Next!**_

_**MB**_


	6. part six

_**a neon genesis evangelion fanfic  
by materia-blade

* * *

**_

_**-rapture-

* * *

**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

_**part six – first halo

* * *

**_

"How?"

It was a simple question, but the way it was stated made it seem more a demand. A heated one at that, but then, everything the second children did was, _heated_ or full of ferocity or… or… angry in some way or another.

Rei was used to it. Or at least, she remembered it. Much of it. It was strange. She felt new… young. It was as if she was seeing the world through new eyes, though those new eyes told her nothing different about her current antagonist.

Asuka was a strange person. She always was. She always had been, and she likely always would be. At least until she and the commander initiated the impact together. Then, well… then she wouldn't exist at all. Her strangeness would all be a part of the one.

"How?" The red-haired girl repeated, her tone carrying even more heated fury beneath those hard eyes then it had before.

Rei closed her locker, softly, with a low click and then turned, pulling the plug suit up around her. She pressed the button on her wrist, sucking the thing tight to her skin. It felt comfortable, but something was wrong. Something… strange. Not just with the plug suit either. As if… as if her _skin_ were too small. A strange thing, not unlike the feeling of outgrowing a school uniform. But no matter. A small inconvenience.

"I'm afraid I cannot answer your question until you clarify it, pilot Sohryu." Rei responded casually, turning away stiffly.

"Look! I saw your Evangelion self destruct! I want to know _how_ you got out!" The hot-headed pilot retorted hatefully. "I… we thought you were dead, and then you just… just… It's like you're back from the dead or something, Wondergirl!"

'Perhaps she's not so hateful,' the first children mused. Her eyes were brimming over. Excessive wrinkles around the eyes, quick heart rate, and even her words on some small level, all indicated signs of increased stress; a strong indicator of worry. In her strange way, Asuka was saying that she had worried about her.

Perhaps she had misjudged the second children.

"Should you not be happy that I survived?" Rei questioned.

Asuka shrugged, that strange superiority she always carried emanating off her so strongly that Rei thought it might have been a perfume the girl put on when she awoke in the mornings. The red-head shrugged off the tears and even the thought of worry, as if it had never existed, and Rei felt a twinge of anger.

'Stupid devil girl… thinks she's so much better than…!' Rei shivered. Where did that thought come from? She knew she'd been analyzing the second, as she always did… when this intense burst of… of. She didn't know what it was. She shook herself. Whatever that sensation was, it was not a good thing. An anomaly. She would have to report this to the commander. He had told her to report strange anomalies in her day to day life. This definitely qualified.

"Hah! I could care less if you—!"

"I have no time to speak with you right now. Our test begins shortly pilot Sohryu." Rei interrupted, her tone somewhat harsher then she had intended. "It would do you well to hurry."

The anomaly. That had to be the cause. Perhaps she had caught some strange illness?

No matter. The commander would know what to do.

* * *

Asuka's jaw almost dropped as the first children walked away from her, after having actually _interrupted her!_ And just… walking away like that!? Rei _never_ interrupted _anyone!_ If that wasn't enough, Asuka was almost certain that the girl was actually being smug about it.

Strange… truly strange…

'But,' She supposed, 'I guess the thought of me and Shinji getting together is even more strange. Maybe she already knows… so that's why?' She thought about that for a moment, then shook her head, disregarding it. Sure it was likely that the girl knew about she and Shinji's relationship. But it was _far_ from likely that _Wondergirl_ would ever actually act on it.

Asuka thought she would see an Evangelion munching on potato chips before she saw Rei Ayanami show jealousy. She giggled furiously at that thought, and then, remembering that she was supposed to be angry, and even was somewhat, she gave a huff, and followed the other girl.

After a short walk, and a veritable heap of indignance that even Asuka had to strive to truly show, she casually greeted Shinji, Misato, and Ritsuko as they all stood in the middle of the cage room, on the ground level.

"Alright, you guys." Ritsuko said as soon as she and Rei had arrived. "You know the drill."

Few words were needed before Asuka found herself, for the first time in what seemed ages, sitting in her own Evangelion. She shivered from the cold chill of the LCL as it flooded her cockpit, and tingled at the thought of finally synchronizing with her Evangelion again.

The voice had left her, though that was little comfort. It had told her it was leaving. Told her that it would return when it was needed. She refused to think of the voice as her mother. Refused. Her Evangelion moving on its own must have been a glitch… a malfunction a… a coincidence.

That was the only possibility.

_I will speak with you when you are ready to believe. Ready to understand. Okay, Asuka?_

The words of her mother… so soft and loving, like sweet tastes in her mind, vibrated throughout her soul and made her want to believe so badly… that… That there really was a voice in her mind. But she remembered what happened the last time she believed.

It was just trying to mess with her. Get her to show off her insanity. She wouldn't do it.

She shivered as she felt the Evangelion begin to filter into her mind, and she began to meld her own thoughts together in the way that caused the highest synchronization. Melding herself. Exposing herself. For so long, this had been the only way for her to do so. Showing herself as fully as she could to her Evangelion.

This was what she was. This was who she wanted to be. The pilot of Evangelion Unit 02. The best pilot. Shinji's natural skill didn't matter. She knew she would be on top, or that the very least, tied with him. And that wouldn't be so bad. She felt like she was home just by being here.

_Mmmm…._

Asuka shivered at the voice's moan. And ignored. Ignore. Ignore, ignore. She had to ignore it. It wasn't real. Her imagination. Though that was a problem. How could she fully give herself to the Evangelion while trying to ignore the voice, another facet of her despite the insanity of it, in her mind? It was impossible to hide a piece of herself from Unit 02 and still be able to sync with it.

But for some reason… she was able to do so. The voice… and the Evangelion. It seemed that… they were almost one in the same. She was ignoring it and trying to give herself up at the same time.

"Maybe…" Asuka whispered to herself, as she tried her hardest to concentrate.

"Rei. Your ratio is much lower than usual but that's to be expected. Try to concentrate a bit harder. Unit 03 isn't much different from Unit 00." Ritsuko's voice echoed across the tank. Had Asuka opened her eyes, she likely would have seen a video projection of the doctor's face, but she, too, was trying to concentrate.

"D.. Doctor, Akagi…? Y, You need to come look at this!" Maya's voice echoed in over the com, squeaking in shock.

"In a minute, Ibuki-san." A bit of time passed as Ritsuko strolled from Rei's terminal to Shinji's. Light flashed affront Asuka's closed eyelids. Terminal windows opening and closing. She had to ignore those too. Otherwise her ratio would be low. If Shinji was going to be as good as she was he was going to have to _work_ for it!

"Shinji. Your graph is all over the place! Low of thirty five to a high of seventy eight. You need to focus… try to keep it together okay? It's like your mind is jumping all over the place!" Ritsuko exclaimed, after watching his graphs for a few moments.

Asuka smirked at the growl that brimmed lowly across the intercoms. Shinji was pissed. God Shinji was fun when he was pissed! A shiver crawled up her spine as she thought about the idea of making Shinji angry while lying naked benea—!

'Concentrate, Asuka!' She yelled at herself firmly.

But, to her shock, she found she barely had to. Barely at all. Syncing with her Evangelion was so simple right now that she felt she could do it in her sleep. It was so simple that… it was easy. Syncing with her Evangelion was _never_ easy.

It took effort! It took skill! It took… Concentration… even a moment's lack of attention could cause her sync rate to drop by thirty… fifty! But… she felt that… she _knew that_ she was syncing so strongly that…

"Ritsuko!" Maya shouted from her terminal. "You… _really_ need to see this!"

Ritsuko strolled at the same casual pace to Maya's terminal, and with a barked 'What?" stared down at the screen. Had Asuka's eyes been open she would have seen Ritsuko's jaw drop. "M-my… god…! A-Asuka!"

Asuka opened her eyes, and stared at Ritsuko's shocked face. "Wh-what? What's wrong?" She asked. She felt frightened. What was happening? Why… why was this… so… easy!?

"Y… You're synchronizing at… at over a hundred and twenty per-percent…!" Maya gasped in, filling in the open mouthed shock left by the blonde-haired doctor.

Their eyes rose to her… staring at her.

_Hah. Hah. So, you do believe. I should have known… you've believed all along. Your words… hurt. I should have known not to doubt your heart though. Ich liebe du, Asuka. _

"I… I…" Asuka couldn't say anything. She couldn't speak. She couldn't think. A hundred and twenty? A _hundred and twenty percent!? _The max was _supposed_ to be a hundred! That was the maximum! How… how could she possibly be synchronizing at…?

She stared down… into her open palms. Two red eyes stared back, and to her shock, she saw herself, in all her glory. Yet another two red eyes. Her real eyes, staring down at her.

Instantly, she balled her hands into fists, and the extra vision was gone. Her eyes… she had to calm down! Had to.. to stop synching! Maybe that was it! Stop concentrating… close her mind! She was good at that. She closed her eyes, hoping… praying Ritsuko and Maya had not seen her red irises. Praying that _she_ hadn't seen them; eyes… in her hands! What in hell was going _on!? _

"Asuka! Are… are you alright?" That was Shinji. The caring idiot. His concern warmed her as much as it irked her, and she felt herself, slowly slipping away, back to where she was before. Back… back…. To normal… to…

"A…. Asuka? Are you—?"

"I'm fine." She barked, angrily at the two technicians. "What do you mean a hundred and twenty percent? Your machines must be faulty! I don't feel any different than usual! It's… probably somewhere around eighty right? That's what it feels like." Asuka responded, her voice cracking only a little, to even her own surprise.

Inside she was terrified. Terrified at what was happening to her. What she was becoming. She couldn't tell them. Couldn't let them know.

For all she knew, it might just be another facet of her insanity! But… how could it be…? She _saw_ from her _hand! _Could insanity do that? For a moment, she hoped it could. At least then… at least if that were the case, then she wasn't dangerous to anyone. Because the alternative was that she was… becoming_… something._

"That must be it, I suppose…" Maya hesitated, holding her words, half believing them, half waiting for her mentor to confirm.

Asuka didn't dare open her eyes. Didn't dare. Fearfully, she poked her middle finger into the eye imbedded in her palm and found nothing but skin. Was it over…? Was… that it?

God she hoped so.

_I am sorry, Asuka. It will not end. Not now… not ever. Evangelion is becoming part of you. Becoming one with you. And so am I. _

'_Get out of my head!' _Asuka screamed in her mind. The presence didn't even budge. It was as if a tiny ghost were sitting in the back of her skull. A tiny bauble of insanity, petting her brain with apologies and reasoning that only existed for her.

She felt sick.

"Get her out of there. And get ready for a long night Maya. Whatever's wrong, we have to find it." Ritsuko said after a long pause. "We never were able to find evidence of someone tampering with the eva, but maybe they weren't trying to damage the Evangelion itself. It's possible they were after the pilot. We have to figure this out."

Asuka shivered. So that was what they thought about the eva. They thought someone had hijacked it. Someone had _made _it get up and walk across the city on its own. For some reason, the thought had never occurred to Asuka; it made so much sense, too.

It didn't sooth her frayed nerves at all.

"Asuka… What's wrong?" Shinji asked suddenly, and almost against her will, Asuka's eyes popped open to stare at his screen.

"Nothing!" She denied. "I'm doing better than ever, Third! Didn't you hear? I just got a hundred and twenty percent! Beat that, baka!"

At Shinji's glare, she shivered, both in delight and in fear. He knew her too well, dammit! A good thing… but right now, a _bad_ thing. They couldn't know! They _couldn't! _Shinji surely wouldn't tell them… that…? God why did seeing Shinji stand up for himself turn her on so much!? Maybe this was all _his_ fault!

His glare relaxed almost instantly after it had begun and the redhead almost wept in relief. He had all four aces and she had laid down three cards. For some reason, though, Shinji had decided not to call bullshit. She thought she might kiss his screen, had she an ounce less sense; still that tiny glare he had given was a clear indicator that they would be talking about this later.

Her shoulders sagged in joy as she felt the nerve connections cut off; her ability to synchronize with her Unit 02 fluttered away and she never thought she'd been happier to get out of the thing.

She had to figure this out. She had to. Otherwise, there was no telling what would become of her.

* * *

Step.

Step.

Step.

Step.

"So… Shinji. Ah, about… about earlier… I ah…" Asuka tried to start dumbly.

Shinji ignored her, walking a few steps ahead of her as both of them continued on their way home. The night brimmed with lights and sounds of people happily going about their lives, though those sounds and lights were heavily dimmed by the location. They walked through the remains of the block that had been decimated by that explosion several weeks ago. A missile error, or so Nerv said. Hell, maybe they were right. She'd almost forgotten about it, having been driven to Nerv the past several times she'd come.

The place gave Asuka the creeps. The knowledge that this lifeless place, filled with the skeletons of trees and buildings might have been caused by her gave her nightmares.

Step.

Step.

Step.

"Look! About earlier, I… thanks a lot for not… you know. For not calling me out. I... know you wanted to." She trailed off, dimly, her voice fading into the sound of steps on rubble and broken concrete.

Step.

Step.

Step.

Step.

"You aren't mad at me, are you?" She asked firmly. "You've got no right to be, especially after what I let you do last night! Seriously!"

Step.

Step.

Asuka's brow furrowed in anger. Was he ignoring her!? Who the hell did he think he was!? He had no right whatsoever to ignore her! "Why the hell are you ignoring me, idiot?!"

He stopped, in the darkness. So did she behind him, beneath an orange street lamp.

The wind blew, making his short hair flap wildly. The moon hung low in the sky, hidden behind his frame, causing him to glow with a reverent white aura, giving him what was surely the look of every adolescent girl's dream. God dammit, why did that idiot have to look so damn cool walking away from her like that!? When did Shinji get to _be_ like this?

"The first time, I thought it was nothing. I thought it was a… a trick of the light. It was right before this happened." He said, with a gesture to the surrounding area.

Asuka gulped audibly.

"The second time was today, when you kissed me. When you told me you'd been hearing voices. It was… only a second, but I could have sworn I saw…" The boy shook his head as if disappointed in himself. For seeing something he shouldn't have. Or perhaps, for not seeing it sooner.

Asuka shivered.

"Just earlier, I'm sure I saw it. This time there was no sunset that could've caused it. No missile explosion to wave it away. I'm _sure_ I saw. You're eyes. They _turned_ red. They were blue one second and then… they just _changed!_ Asuka… what's happening to you?"

Asuka didn't know what to say, but Shinji turned to face her. Giving her words. Giving her… hope even at the same time as she gasped. "Sh-Shinji. Whatever's happening to me… it's happening to you too." She whispered.

Both pilots stared into the other's red eyes.

Asuka wanted to cry. She was afraid. Very afraid but maybe, just maybe… she wasn't insane. Her eyes really _had _been red. Because… because Shinji's were too.

She wasn't alone.

"M-my eyes…?" He asked, his hand quivering as he reached up to touch his face.

She nodded. "They're… they're red. " She said, with a slow step. "Glowing… dim red. I shouldn't be able to even see them. It's too dark over there, but…"

_Shinji… -an you he… me? –inji-kun! Shinji-kun!_

A shiver crawled up Shinji's spine, as the voice that he thought sounded like his mother screamed in his head. He knew it was a scream… but it was dim as if miles away. Trying to find him. To reach him.

He took his own step towards Asuka, decorating himself with the outer rim of the circle of light given off by the streetlamp. Damaged as it was, it was still more than dim enough to see that her own eyes gave off a sort of dull glow, that shouldn't be there.

She reached out and touched his face, staring up at him, and at that moment, Shinji was sure that he had to tell her his own secret.

Gingerly, Shinji touch her hand on his face and slid the other around her, hugging her close to him. "Asuka, I don't know if this has anything to do with our eyes but, there's something I need to tell you. I… should have told you this afternoon. I… you aren't the only one whose been hearing voices."

Asuka's eyes widened.

* * *

Gendo stared dispassionately at the screen before him. Kozo wasn't surprised at that, though he admitted that he himself was _more_ than human enough to at least raise an eyebrow at the image splayed across the screen.

Gendo though? No… he didn't even seem surprised.

Though perhaps he was a bit smug. Surely not proud. But smug, perhaps.

"It seems…" the dark haired man began dimly, "that I underestimated my son's ability to manipulate women."

Kozo's eyes narrowed.

"I don't think that's manipulation _Commander." _Kozo replied. It was rare that he felt such anger as this towards his former student, but what he had just seen on that screen, had _not_ been manipulation.

The commander grinned. "And what _do you_ think it was? Love, perhaps?" Gendo replied bitterly.

"I do."

The commander's grin widened even more. "Ah..! But doctor... love _is_ manipulation. The sweetest kind."

Kozo had nothing to say.

* * *

She wasn't sure, but Asuka thought it was possible that Shinji had fallen asleep. It was hard to tell with the boy. He was as quiet awake as he was asleep. It was comforting either way. She stretched her neck and moved up to lay a kiss on his own, rubbing her breasts along his chest.

Her thoughts drifted everywhere. To how her friends would react to this secret. How the commander might react. How little she cared.

Sweat still lingered on the bed. On her. On him.

The blanket felt kind of heavy on her back but that was okay. It was warm, like his arms around her. Shielding her from her fear. She hoped that she did the same for him in some way or another. It wasn't as if she had ever really done anything to make him like her. He didn't really have any reason to. But for some strange reason he did. Was it just the things that had in common? Their mothers? Their… similarities?

Sometimes even when she called him an idiot, even when she _meant_ it, he just laughed. It was as if, ever since the twelfth, he didn't even care if she insulted him anymore. Oh sure, she could get to him, and had once or twice, but that usually just made him angry. And… well… everyone had their vices. Asuka had found that _'Shinji angry'_ was nicotine to her.

He shuffled, closing his arms tighter around her and then laid his own kiss on her head. With a slight laugh, he made a grope for her breast, turning her to lay on her back atop him.

"What are we doing, Shinji?" She asked. She wasn't even sure if it was rhetorical.

Some time passed, and Asuka felt Shinji's arms squeeze tighter around her.

"I… don't know. Gomen…" He replied.

Asuka wasn't sure if he was kidding. Surely by _now_ he knew how much she _hated it_ when he apologized like that. She scowled anyway at him. "What kind of answer is that?" She asked angrily.

"A bad one, I guess." He replied, stoically. "I know it isn't wrong, at least."

Asuka wasn't sure how to feel about that. She agreed though. It wasn't wrong. She felt safe with him. For the first time… ever really. Here. Lying here. This was where she wanted to be.

"I'm afraid, Asuka." He told her.

Asuka shivered. Finding the position on her back uncomfortable she turned around, pressing her breasts into his chest, and her lips onto his.

"Me too." She whispered into his ear.

He kissed her again. It was soft, slow at first, but it grew in passion as it lasted longer. Touches of fear and worry, became gropes. Kisses of love became intermingled with lust.

"I… love you."

Neither was sure which one said it. Maybe they both had. Maybe neither, and it was only a thought shared between them. Either way, their hearts softened, each unto the other. Both of them didn't realize that neither had said anything aloud.

* * *

Asuka was ranting about Shinji. Again.

Belittling him. Making fun of him.

Again.

And Hikari was angry.

No. Scratch that. Hikari was royally pissed. But she was rational. A rational being. So before she burst in anger, she decided to focus the reasons for her bubbling rage.

First things first. Where the hell did that devil of a red-head get off criticizing her about liking Touji Suzuhara when she herself was off _macking_ with the strangest one of the formally-dubbed 'stooges'?

It had been a few days that she'd somehow managed to bottle in her emotions concerning Asuka. It wasn't just that either. The anger about Asuka's opinions of her prospective love interest had actually quite little to do with her anger. No. Her anger was directed at the fact that somehow, she had been completely left out of this! She, whom Asuka called 'best friend!' Hah! What a laugh. Asuka and Shinji probably laughed at the rest of the schools ignorance while they had sex and all sorts of dirty things in that apartment they lived in with that floozy of a guardian!

…

'Oh my.' She thought, startled. Perhaps she was actually a bit more angry about all of this then she had thought. For such a degree of anger to rise up in her, even in only her thoughts, meant that she probably felt as if Asuka had betrayed her trust quite a bit more then she'd even openly realized.

Even so, she could wait no more. How could she? More importantly, how could _Asuka?_

'I wish Touji would act like that for me...' She thought grimly, recalling the passion and tension and apprehension and romance wafting off that small lunch time meeting that she had stumbled upon between the two.

It had been beautiful. A thing of wonder. The type of romantic scene that actors barely managed to feign on soap opera dramas and television shows. Simple. Quiet.

A thing of love.

Hikari was desperately jealous, and she knew it too. How could something so passionate, so powerful have grown between the two without her even _noticing!?_

She noticed now. Every glare Asuka sent back to Shinji during the middle of class. Yes. _Glare. _The girl had the gall to _glare at him!_ And he would just smile. Smile up at her when he thought nobody was looking, right back into the eyes of her glare. Her glare would soften, a little. Then come back full force and she would snap her head back to the teacher in a wry attempt to pay attention.

Why, oh why hadn't she seen it before? How could she have missed these small acts? How could she have completely overlooked Asuka and Shinji's relationship? Asuka complained about him like no tomorrow, just like she always did. She had the nerve to actually, _complain_ about how he was such a wimp and she wished he'd grow a _backbone!_ It took nearly everything Hikari had in her not to bellow out how she knew all about Asuka's little make-out sessions with Shinji! How close they were! Who did she think she was fooling?

But she _was_ fooling. Everyone. No one knew. No one even noticed. Except her, and she only because she was scrutinizing her friend with the diligence of an international spy. Now there was that little slice of wistfulness bathed into every pore of the red-head's words, oozing out of her like scent off a flower. She gave little sighs and looks that lingered seconds too long, showing how much she just wanted to throw the ruse to hell and kiss him.

But she didn't.

Why didn't Asuka tell her?

The answer to this question had been why she had remained silent. She had to find the answer. But it didn't come. No. Their trysts remained secret, to all but her. And only now that she knew what to look for was she able to see.

Shinji and Asuka were more closely knit then the threads of her jeans…

"God, he's such an _idiot, _Hikari!"

…and she couldn't stand it anymore.

"I honestly don't even know why I put up with—!"

"God, will you shut up!?" Hikari exclaimed, her bottled emotions finally exploding, probably a bit louder then she had intended. "I can't _stand it _anymore! "He's an idiot." "He's stupid." "He can't do anything right." "I wish he'd grow a spine!" How the heck can you keep saying those things!?"

Asuka was, for lack of a better word, stunned.

Perhaps gobsmacked came a bit closer. Hikari almost smirked at the sight.

Almost.

A few people from the surrounding area, boys or girls all eating their lunches outside on one of the last decently warm days before the coming winter, gave them an odd glance, but little more. They were far enough away that her shouts were little more than muffled words.

"I… Hik-ari?" Asuka toned sheepishly. "I… what are you—?"

"Don't even try it Asuka. How can you say those things about him? To _me?_ How could you not trust _me?"_ She asked, her voice burdened with a deep mix of anger, empathy, and a deep-seeded need to understand.

"I… Hikari…" Asuka responded weakly, caught more off guard than Hikari had ever seen her.

"You love him! I heard you say it! How can you say those things about him? Why wouldn't you tell me?" Hikari demanded, staring straight into Asuka's deep blue eyes, overpowering the other girl's resolve.

Asuka sputtered. "L-Love him! A…. Are you ins—!"

"Cut the crap, Asuka!" Hikari interrupted once more. "I saw you behind the gym. Four times. _Four times, _to make sure _I wasn't_ insane! How could you keep this from me!?"

Hikari shuffled her shoulders away from the other girl. She was hurt. Asuka should have trusted her, but for some reason, they weren't close enough for that. They weren't close enough for Asuka to even come close to admitting she might feel and _inkling_ towards the third children without being brow-beaten every step of the way.

It hurt to know that that was how little she meant to the other girl as a best friend. Sure, the red-head would probably think her weak for it, but she didn't care. That didn't make it hurt any less.

Time passed; Hikari felt the deafening silence from behind her, but she refused to turn. Refused to look at Asuka until she was given a reason for this.

"I… Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Asuka said after what seemed forever. It was soft, and about as pleading as Hikari had ever heard Asuka speak. It did little to appease her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hikari demanded roughly, still refusing to turn to the red-head.

Anger grew in the second children. "What was I supposed to say? "Oh, by the way, you know that idiot I've been complaining about ever since we met? Yeah. Forget all that. I love him now." Huh, Hikari? You think that would have worked?"

"Well… no…" Hikari admitted, finally turning around to the other girl. "But it would have been preferable to hearing you rant about how much you hate him, knowing full well that it was all bullshit!"

Asuka blinked. In all her time knowing Hikari, she didn't think she'd ever once heard the other girl utter a curse word. Shit. She might be in deeper water then she'd thought. "I… I just wasn't ready to talk about it okay!? It happened so fast… and… I just sorta..." Asuka trailed off there, and Hikari felt a bit of guilt.

"How long?" Hikari asked simply, filling the silence.

"Since what?" The girl responded. "Since I started to like him? Since we first fucked? What do you need to know, Hikari?"

Hikari blinked.

Processed.

…

Reprocessed.

Her jaw dropped.

It took whole minutes before she could come up with an appropriate response. It didn't come out very well either. "Th-that… last one…?"

It was all Asuka could do to keep a straight face at the shocked expression her friend was giving her. Hikari was such a prude sometimes.

_You were once, little one._ _Only a few days ago even. _

Asuka grimaced, but she no longer feared this voice. It was no longer a symbol of her insanity. No. Now it was a sickness caused by Evangelion. Regardless, she had the reason now to shoot down the voice. To tell it off as she would anyone else in her life. Because now she knew that it actually existed. Thanks to Shinji.

'You gonna stop me? Or worse, give me 'the talk' _mom?_' The redhead taunted.

The voice laughed in a way that tweaked Asuka's nostalgia gland if such a thing existed, lilting and musical in its sonorous tone. Then, thankfully, the presence left, leaving Asuka to return to her conversation, just in time to catch Hikari's stuttered question.

Asuka grinned in that superior way that she usually carried with her, and Hikari could tell that a wave of nostalgia was passing through the girl. She held the silence, cheshire smirk holding her features as long as she could. "Six nights ago. And every night since." She finally gave up, with a giggle. The girl shuddered, pleasurably and Hikari thought she would do the same, though for completely different reasons, and not at all pleasurably.

Asuka. Who thought Shinji was a spineless stooge, had just confessed to having sex with that same person.

Since when did pigs fly? Since when was the sky _down?_ As these were surely things that Asuka had claimed would occur before she ever let 'ante-baka' Shinji touch her.

Her anger temporarily forgotten, Hikari timidly ventured… "Did it… hurt?"

Silence.

Asuka broke out into giggles. Then, full laughter.

Hikari settled for an indignant pout.

It became more indignant when she realized that somehow, Asuka had diffused all of her anger in an instant… by doing practically nothing.

Damn her!

* * *

Shinji stared at Rei, with a strange and abnormal mixture of curiosity and apprehension on his face. For the past two weeks Asuka and he had done their very best to keep their minds off the unusual phenomenon that was coming over the both of them. As it turned out, the absolute _best_ way to forget that for some reason your eyes were turning red?

Sex.

And… well… it was _incredibly _fun. The way she…

Oh, he blushed just thinking about the things they did.

It turned out that _Asuka_ was more of the pervert she'd always accused _him_ of being then he could _ever_ be.

He didn't want her any other way either.

But that inevitably led his thoughts back to His and Asuka's mutual problem.

Rei.

Or more specifically, the unusual similarity between the two of them, and the strangely distant Rei Ayanami. It hadn't taken much effort on either of their parts to connect their changing eye colors to the already odd eye color of the first children. And ever since… whenever they weren't together at least… they had agreed to mutually spy on her.

They had found _nothing ._In retrospect, Shinji decided, it was possibly due to the fact that every time either of them even _glanced_ at each other, all _thought_ of figuring out what the hell was happening to them went directly out the window.

Shinji found that he was almost unable to resist throwing caution to the wind and simply kissing her right in the middle of lunch time.

Rei sat on the bottom stair step of the entrance to the school, eating her lunch as silent as ever. Hikari sat with Asuka at a nearby stone table, while he and Kensuke sat together as well several tables away.

"So Shinji… have you heard anything about Touji? He's… he's been missing for a long time now. I was hoping you… might have found something out." Kensuke asked.

Shinji pondered. What _had _happened to Touji? Why wouldn't Doctor Ritsuko or Misato tell him? There had to be a reason behind it… but surely… if he were… if he were dead, they would have… have told him. They would have told him… right?

He shook himself. His thoughts were jumping everywhere. He devoted his full attention to Kensuke to focus on answering the question but he couldn't help but have much of his attention devoted to the one eye that never left Asuka. Her gorgeous red hair… Her body. Her eyes… both red and blue, they glowed with an exotic beauty that intoxicated him, as if a cloud were lingering in his stomach making him practically float every time he caught of a wiff of her.

Honestly, considering how much they'd hated each other once, it was quite disgusting how close they'd become. If the Asuka and Shinji from five or six months ago had seen what they'd become today? Both of them would have been puking their guts out.

He knew he would at least. He marveled now, at how much he had hated Asuka. Not how much he'd hated her, he realized now. How much he didn't understand her.

"Shinji…?"

He'd been so…. Ignorant. Now he could see through her as if her skin were mere glass. Every angry word to her classmates. Every name she called him. Every _single_ facet of her personality was a ruse.

And inside was a girl who... who…

Gah… It wasn't enough to say.

A girl who he loved.

He thought he might even like the outside a bit too.

…

Maybe a bit.

_Growing up._ _First love… I remember mine. It definitely wasn't your father._

The voice in his head was smirking. Shinji shrugged. 'I should hope not. I don't understand what you saw in him.' Shinji responded in his mind. 'I… I hate that man.'

Had the voice lips, Shinji was sure it would have smirked. He sighed. He knew he wasn't insane, and in that regard he felt quite relieved. Where Asuka had dealt with her voice on her own, he had her to help him with it. Whatever was affecting Asuka was affecting him too. Perhaps it was a sickness of some sort but that didn't matter to him. At worst the voice was irritating.

_Could have fooled me with how much you try to impress him. _

Shinji growled.

He'd never known his mother. He didn't remember her like Asuka did. And so he felt no unique attachment to this voice, like she had. Only that it was another adult trying to confuse him with strange mind games. No different from his father, or Ritsuko, or Misato.

…

Of course it wasn't that simple, but when he thought of the voice that way, it made her seem so. And apparently it worked quite well for Asuka.

Luckily, against this adult, he had the advantage. It was his mind, and _this _older woman didn't have an uncannily gorgeous body, added to an alcohol saturated attitude to torment him with.

Or the brains of a supercomputer, for that matter.

"Shinji…! Hey, Shinji!" Kensuke screamed at him.

"Wha… What? What did you say?" Shinji jerked, trying to remember what it was Kensuke had asked him. Touji…. Something about Touji. Oh yeah!

"Oh… sorry. I was—!"

"Thinking?" The military enthusiast interrupted. "Nothing new there. Jeez… you're more zonked out then Rei lately Shinji. I'm not sure if I should be more worried about _you_ then Touji. What's been going on with you lately?"

Shinji couldn't help but blush. "N-Nothing. Gomen…"

Kensuke sighed. "Alright… don't talk."

Somewhat angrily he stood up, taking his lunch with him and walked away.

Shinji scratched the back of his head weakly and uttered another gomen, realizing he'd probably just distanced himself from his friend for a few seconds of daydreaming. 'Smart Shinji.' He thought, irritated.

"What was that all about, Third?"

Asuka. A shiver slid up his spine as he heard her voice. He turned, finding her and Hikari both standing right behind him, holding their half-eaten lunches and staring at him curiously.

He snapped his vision away from the girl, realizing Hikari was with her, and stuttered, as he normally would have. "None of your business."

She glared at him, silently, and through his shy peek at her, he tried not to smile.

"Drop it, idiot. We're busted."

He blinked and lifted his head, eyes on Hikari. "She knows?"

"From the first day. She saw us behind the gym, and she's known ever since." Asuka sighed with a grimace towards her best friend, which Hikari grinned at.

Asuka didn't expect Shinji's reaction in the least.

"Thank god!" He exclaimed passionately.

All the time he'd spent hiding who he wanted to be with Asuka had made him resentful of the secret. Admittedly he wasn't sure what he would do once the school knew. Once his friends knew. But he was sick of hiding his relationship with Asuka.

Not that anyone else was around to view it at the moment except Hikari but Shinji didn't care.

Without warning he stood, wrapped his right arm around her waist and with his left hand, he cradled her head. Inside he smirked a little as her eyes widened in shock just before he kissed her.

For a few moments, the girl struggled, her eyes narrowing in anger, her hands pushing not nearly as hard as Shinji was sure she could against him, to get him to stop. He did no such thing, and after a few moments he was happy to find the girl melting into his embrace, and beginning to kiss him back in kind.

A character trait of Asuka that he had hardly believed when he'd discovered it. She liked him to take control. She _liked_ him angry. She hadn't told him that directly, of course, but her body language, her actions, her… moaning; even _he _could catch a hint that, she just might have been yelling at him, provoking him all this time, solely because she simply enjoyed seeing him angry!

…

God, she was weird!

And her lips tasted like orange juice… her tongue like honey. He felt a shiver run down the girl as her breasts pressed into his chest and her body warmed up to him, syncing with his pull on her back.

"Ehhem..." Hikari cleared her throat.

They both ignored her.

"Hey! Cut it out!" The girl exclaimed, a heavy blush creeping across her face, and a giant well of jealousy brimming within her heart.

They still ignored her.

* * *

Two more weeks passed.

Two weeks of almost unending bliss for Shinji and Asuka's blooming relationship.

Somehow, Misato had yet to even notice that they were up to anything unusual. They had both become very good at acting when she was around. When anyone was around. Even Hikari, but that was more just to annoy her.

Shinji sat idly, fingering the play tab on his SDAT player as he usually did. Asuka was doing homework, which was odd because she usually had hers done before he did.

Deciding to forgo playing through the tape once again, a relative miracle compared to the Shinji of a month ago, he pulled off his earphones and stood up from the couch, silently bumbling over to his girlfriend to look sneakily over her shoulder.

"Trouble reading?" He asked casually, kneeling down on his knees beside her affront the coffee table the girl was hunched over.

She nodded, but said nothing. Her eyes were firmly attached to the assignment before her, and he could tell that it was likely she would still be struggling with the work even if she could read the assignment perfectly. It was Biology. Worse, it was chemical biology: beginner's level. Significantly, different from her own major of physics, this brand of science was Asuka's Achilles heel. Give her something that moved. Something that compressed or expanded. Something _physical_ and she could understand every participle of it.

Give her a combination of natural-forming elements… well. She couldn't make heads or tails.

Oddly enough, where she failed he succeeded.

She glanced up and behind herself and smiled at him, feeling his had lay gently on her back.

Their heavy, almost nightly love-making had calmed somewhat, falling to perhaps… bi-nightly. The lack of present danger had drained their fear for their lives. They both knew that the threat of an attack lingered strongly over their heads but a month gone and angels were slowly becoming a memory.

But… the giddiness… the happiness. The strange emotions that both had felt begin from that day in the twelfth… perhaps even before that, had not faded. They had settled into a calm sort of acceptance of the other. Each knowing so well how the other felt that they probably knew the others feelings better than either one themselves did.

Scenes of silence between the two had become commonplace when they were alone. Comfortable silence. Not even needing to speak, hand gestures, and looks having replacing the need for such mundane actions. That and their lips were usually locked, preventing words.

Right now was… not quite such a time.

Asuka winced in sudden pain as the pencil in her hand suddenly snapped under the force of her grip, furious at the difficulty of a beginner's level course. 'Why is this so hard!? Verdammt!' The girl thought heatedly.

_That is the Kanji for class, Asuka. And that is the noble gasses. It should be familiar to you._

Asuka sniffed at her mother's voice. 'I knew that!' She murmured back in her mind. 'You don't have to state the obvious!'

Her mother snickered.

_Then why have you been staring at it for the past five minutes, thinking about what it is? I am in your head after all little one. Your thoughts are not hiding from me._

Shinji, who Asuka hadn't even seemed to have noticed tried not to laugh as he watched the girl glare daggers into her textbook. "Need any help?" He asked, while he subtly laid a kiss on her left cheek.

Asuka blinked as Shinji's lips fell onto her cheek, and she registered the question soon after, her anger fading quickly with his offer.

"Oh! I… no… I'm okay. I wanna get it on my _own._" She stressed, indicating that her voice was being particularly nosy. Shinji only grinned.

"Well, if you need anything I—"

Suddenly, the keycard lock rang at the door signaling Misato's return. Asuka's eyes jerked to the door as it slid open.

"You _idiot! _Of _course _I don't need some _third_-rate student's—! Actually, yeah! You can help me! Go get me a sandwich or something. Baka!"

Shinji scowled, blinking in wonder while trying to figure out how it was that Asuka was now on the opposite side of the table. He hadn't even seen her move!

Even so, he fell into character quickly. Somewhat bitter, but always a bit submissive to the red-head. He wouldn't make her the sandwich of course, but he definitely wouldn't take that without a bit of yelling himself either. That was who he was.

As far as Misato knew…

"Fine! All I wanted to do was help but if that's how you want to be…!" Shinji shouted, his voice seeped in anger. He stood and stomped off to his room, stopping only to collect his SDAT player on the way.

Asuka only huffed, hunching back over the table, and began scribbling furiously on her notebook.

Misato's shoulders fell, and she sighed dismally. 'Will these two _ever_ get along?'

Without warning, an alarm rang.

For a moment, Asuka stared up and blinked, looking at an equally surprised Misato. Momentarily, both had forgotten what that signal, that siren meant. But only a moment. Shinji burst out of his room seconds after the alarm sounded snapping Misato and Asuka out of their stupor.

Misato's shoulders slumped even more. "Nooo…" The woman wailed piteously. "Tonight was my night _off!" _

With the siren signaling battle blaring in the background it should have been hard for humor to affect either of the children. It did though. Neither could suppress the slight laugh their ever-lazy guardian had provoked.

A small smile was shared between the three of them. Apprehensive and worried. But… ready.

And then, seriousness took over them all.

They were in the car and moving in seconds.

* * *

Asuka smiled. All three of them. It had been the first time all three of them had fought an angel together at one time in quite a while. Well, Shinji was back at the base, serving as back-up of course, but that was only natural. Of course they would send the _best_ pilot out to kill the damn thing, while second best waited as a last resort.

…

Okay. She knew that she was kidding herself. Shinji was… _probably_ as good as her. _Maybe._ Either way, just knowing he was going to be out here with her comforted her. Nothing could stand in her way now.

Nothing except her damn synch ratio, she supposed. She constantly felt the desire to give more of herself over to Evangelion. To lean closer to it. To synch further. The ease with which the task came to her now was unbelievable. Moving the thing felt like nothing more than moving herself. She almost felt she could take her hands off the console and simply will the Evangelion to do as she wished. But she dared not.

Staring ahead, she could barely make out the frame of Evangelion Unit 03 affront her, through a thick layer of fog. All the idiotic technicians back at the base seemed to know was that there _was_ an angel. A blue pattern. And that it was _'somewhere in the fog.' _

_Right._ Real helpful.

For all they knew, this creepy fog might itself _be_ the angel.

Now _that_ would be scary. How in the hell would they fight fog?

_Focus, Asuka._

The red-head scowled at the voice, but answered by doing. Her eyes scanned in every direction but the thick fog seemed to cover everything.

The screen blipped. "You see anything, Asuka?" Shinji asked quietly.

"No." She replied. "Just a bunch of fog. Tell me if something shows up over there, though. Shouldn't take too long to get back if we need to."

"Okay." The third children replied, and his screen blipped out of existence.

Asuka realized that her lack of an insult might tip someone off about her and Shinji's changing relationship, but she had discovered that here, within Evangelion, things like that didn't matter. And the last thing she wanted to do was die knowing her final words to the person she loved was that he was an idiot.

That would look good in heaven's 'in-book,' she was sure.

If she got into a battle that she didn't think she could win, the first thing she would do would be to bring that com back up and tell her idiot how much she loved him. The world could go to hell. Her pride could even go to hell.

She was pretty sure the commander already knew anyway. Why no one else seemed to was beyond her.

On a whim, Asuka cocked the gun in her hands. Her eva's hands. Not hers. Her instincts were telling her that this wasn't a safe place, and the fog making the world more and more dim by the minute as the fading sun sank below the horizon didn't help her in the least.

She felt wary and on edge, but that was to be expected. The strangest part was that, unlike all the other times she'd been in Evangelion, she could _feel. _

The fog had a cold chill to it, like that of mid-fall crisp, that she could feel on the outside of her skin as if the eva's armor were that same flesh.

"Rei. Do you see anything yet?" She whispered. She didn't know why, but it seemed like it would be wrong to speak loudly in this dim forested country-land surrounding the city. As if it would alert whatever lurked in the mist.

"Negative, pilot Sohryu." The girl replied tartly.

Asuka sighed in frustration. "Hey. Are you guys sure something's out here? We aren't seeing a thing!" She exclaimed under her breath, heatedly.

"Keep looking." Came Ritsuko's harsh order.

Shinji grimaced at Ritsuko's order, wishing they would just call Rei and Asuka back. Why couldn't they let the angel come to them!? That fog was ridiculous! Hell, it was pretty bad here in the city where giant beams of light tore through the dense mire like knives, but out there it might as well have been the dead of night. How were they supposed to fight?

"Asuka…" He murmured… staring into his display that showed the status of Unit 02. Apparently, it was he who had the best shot of destroying the angel. He or Asuka. Sending the two out into the fog could divert civilian casualties and millions in repair damages compared to a city battle.

God, he hoped they could handle it.

Abruptly, Rei's voice raged in his ears; a slight, sharp scream.

"Asuka! Rei! Asuka! Are you two alright!?" Shinji shouted frantically, the sound of metal scraping in his ears, and nothing more.

"Rei! Asuka!" Misato and Ritsuko seemed to echo each other in Shinji's ears but he barely heard them.

He lifted his eyes to look to where the first and second children resided, eyes wide with horror. A white cross seemed to burst forth from the depths of the distant fog, shining like a blazing beacon through the twilight.

"Asuka… answer me…" He whispered.

Nothing.

"Something's wrong with Shinji! His… his sync graph is skyrocketing! Eighty five percent! Ninety! Ninety five!" Maya's voice. "We've lost both Units 02 and 03!"

"What about the pilots!? Are they alright?" Misato burst.

"All scans show no response from Unit 03's right arm and leg. Rei's unconscious, from blunt cranial damage. All sensory scanners are down for Unit 02! I… Asuka… She was hit in the chest. We're… we aren't getting any sign from the pilot." Shigeru grim voice came in.

Shinji shivered. It couldn't be. "Asuka…"

He clicked the button to open a com link to Unit 02. A black screen greeted him.

"Asuka… you have to answer…"

His eyes grew wide.

"Answer… god dammit, answer!"

"Sh-Shinji! Shinji! Calm down!" Misato's voice reach his ears but Shinji could not care.

Deep brown irises blurred to a glowing red.

"Asuka!"

No answer came.

"ASUKA!!"

* * *

"Shinji! Stop! Shinji!" Misato screamed at the top of her lungs, but her voice had nothing on the yell bellowing forth from the pilot of Unit 01. The Evangelion was barreling towards the edge of the city faster than it had ever moved.

Misato watched helplessly as Shinji trashed through the fog, through buildings, trees, fences, and anything that stood in his way, bee-lining for his companions.

"Shinji! You can't—!"

The Evangelion's umbilical cable snapped, instantly starting the five minute countdown to complete loss of power.

"God dammit, Shinji!" Misato screamed.

Without warning, Shinji's screaming screeched to a halt. The entire fortress suddenly wobbled with the feel of a distant impact and Misato grasped desperately for the computer screens below her to keep from falling over.

"Shinji?"

She brought her eyes to see what in the world had happened, and the screen above her showed all. Another cross beam rose into the sky, seemingly hundreds of times larger than the one before it.

"What is going on!? We haven't even seen the angel yet!" Misato exclaimed. "Is Shinji okay?"

Heavy breathing suddenly brimmed in across Nerv's complex. Shinji's breathing. Misato sighed in relief.

"Three Minutes, twenty seven seconds to total power failure!" Makoto exclaimed heatedly. "Shinji! You have to get out of there!"

Nothing but his breathing echoing across the bridge was heard for a few seconds. Then…

"_I'll kill you… you son of a bitch…" _

The voice was low, almost a hiss. Hateful. Vindictive. Angry. Despairing. But definitely Shinji. Misato's spine crawled at hearing Shinji speak in a voice like that. So full of hate.

"Was that… Shinji…?" Maya whispered.

Shaking herself out of shock, Misato caught herself. "God dammit, will one of you get me a visual on the pilots! Any of them! Or at least help me see what they see!?"

As one, the three techs began typing like mad at their consoles, desperately seeking a way visually into any of the cockpits of their disabled pilots.

Misato gave a heavy glance back to the seat where the commander resided, and her jaw almost dropped. The man was intently focused on the screens splayed below. Calm as always but it was different. There was… worry, in his eyes. His glasses were off.

And Misato found that the fact that Gendo himself was worried, seemed to scare her more than anything.

'Shinji… please don't die.'

"Two minutes, forty nine seconds!"

"Please…" Misato whispered.

* * *

Shinji felt as if he was burning. Every cell in his body had been baked alive.

But his rage was stronger. His anger burned hotter than his body ever could. Asuka. His Asuka. She couldn't be dead. She could not be dead. He would not _allow_ her to be dead. Or even hurt. It would not happen.

He would kill this god forsaken beast and then he would find Asuka, and everything would be okay. They would be together.

There was no other option. He couldn't go back to being alone. No.

He'd rather die.

So slowly, he stood. Slowly, his Evangelion stood. His eyes brimmed red, and he looked up. Finally, he saw it. A strange, human-like beast with no arms hovered above the ground, the light of its fading beam still blinking in the middle of its tiny head.

He was beyond words. Beyond the thought of words. Beyond himself. Beyond everything. Forward he flew, diving towards the devilish giant.

He saw the white light flashed, but didn't even think of dodging.

It burst from the angel, the fourteenth, and was at him in an instant. An instant that seemed an eternity. His AT field was there long before the beam even came close to him. A swipe of his hand and he threw the beam away, not caring where it went. There was only the hate. Only the desire to kill this thing that had hurt her.

Revenge.

Feet before reaching the monster Shinji felt his face slam into a brick wall, but adrenaline kept him moving. It was nothing. It was a light slap. Perhaps a weak punch if that.

He reached forward, grabbing the field. As he had done before… somewhere… in his memory. In his dreams. He tore his fingers through. Then pulled out, ripping the AT field to shreds. This thing would die. This thing would _die._

He grasped the fourteenth's tiny head with his left hand, while his right punched into the beasts stomach, grasping its core.

"_No one hurts her… No one… My heart. You tear at my heart… so I'll tear at yours…" _

Shinji barely knew what he was saying. He was falling further. Further into a hate that he didn't understand, and had never known. A hate that was… foreign to him.

As soon as Unit 01 grasped the core of the fourteenth, two strange appendages, flat like paper but hard as steel roped out from the thing's sides, like two monolithic stretching arms.

One swung high, bashing Shinji in his side. The other lower. That one hurt much more. Suddenly, Shinji found himself without a leg.

Pain erupted in Shinji and he fell to his knees, screaming murder, even as he clutched tighter at the angel's core. It would not burst. Dammit! Why wouldn't it break!?

"_I'll kill you…"_

_I'll help you._

"_You hurt her… I'll… I'll kill you!"_

_Shinji! I'll help you!_

"_Kill you… kill you, kill you, kill you… kill you…! Dammit! I'll kill you!" _

_You did good Shinji… let me take over now! Listen to me!_

Shinji screamed, as he lost his vision. And then, he knew no more.

* * *

Asuka was cold. Climbing weakly out of the plug, dripping wet with LCL, she felt sick. She felt like shit. Her head hurt. Her mind hurt, and she was dizzy. But she was alive.

The pod had landed on the side of one of the tree covered mountains, high up where it was the most chilled. Far below, she could see her fallen Evangelion. Damaged, probably more heavily than it had ever been, she barely saw it.

_Asuka… are you alright?_

"M… mama…" She whispered. "I… how can I…?" Asuka shook herself. A voice in her head couldn't feel pain. Unless… it wasn't a voice.

She was terrified by just how damaged her Evangelion was. Burns from the beam seemed to have exposed the sick flesh beneath, burned and scalded by melted armor and cables. It lay still, finger still clutching the trigger of the giant gun it held.

Fear biting at her, she ran a hand through her head and found blood leaking down the side of her face. Shocked, she jerked her hand away and gave herself a once over.

A hole, where the beam had hit her eva in the chest, lay burned right through her plugsuit. Almost perfectly round, it seemed almost as if it was supposed to be there, if not for the blue colored bruise brimming on her skin beneath.

"Damn…" She cursed. Dashing back to the injection plug, she opened a compartment on the side and yanked out one of seven unique first aid kits. Instantly, she opened it and set about bandaging her head.

Fumbling, she jerked in horror at the sound of an unbelievably roar in the distance, covering her ears at the sound, and dropping the gauze wrapping she'd been about to wrap around her head.

It was a roar of pain.

"… Shinji…" She whispered.

* * *

"We… have lost…" Ritsuko stated, staring in horror at the screen.

Evangelion Unit 01 stood unmoving, silent as the surroundings, it's hands frozen around the angel's core and throat respectively.

"Evangelion Unit 01 has no power." Maya reported dismally. "I… Shinji… there's no response from him."

Ritsuko blinked. "No response…? So… what…? He died in there? The angel hasn't even attacked him yet!"

Misato stood nearby in the control room, having been silent ever since Shinji refused to listen to her. She was afraid. Very afraid, but she had yet to give up hope. She wouldn't lose this easily. She wouldn't. "So Shinji's… Shinji is disabled. We have no idea what's happened to Asuka. Rei. What about Rei?"

"H-her eva is operable. The pilot is just unconscious. She's… she's suffered second degree burns all along the right side of her body. The Evangelion's right hand is immobile. Her cable is still attached though. If we can… wake her up then we might have a chance… But she'll be in pain." Maya replied.

"Then she'll have to deal with it. Open a com-link and yell at her. Shock her heart. Something. Just wake her up. She's… our only chance now."

"Oh god… Eva… Eva…" The young technician exclaimed, staring in horror at her screen. "It's… it's going to…!"

* * *

Rei Ayanami had felt the pull of her brother long before the alarms had sounded, and finally she knew that her time of peace here, with Hideku was at an end. Finally, she had to go back. There was no escaping it, now.

Hideku normally went to sleep early. It had been over an hour since he had retired to the confines of his room to rest, both of them having spent most of the day in his greenhouses, thankful for the warmth even in the depths of the cool winter.

The sun now leaking into the bottom of the sky sent beams of red light lancing through the windows and draperies of his comely home, only made Rei wish to stay more. But today was the day. She had felt it since morning. Today was the day she would be forced to leave.

But… that didn't mean she couldn't come back… Or so she hoped.

She took the first tentative step down the staircase leading into the living room and inevitably the exit, already missing this small place. Missing the man she thought she might love as a father. Love as she could recall having loved Gendo Ikari once. As a daughter would.

But the alarms, blaring far in the distance, loud enough to be heard the fifteen miles she resided from the heart of Tokyo 3, beckoned her onward.

"You're leaving… aren't you?" A voice drifted in from behind the chair in the foyer. Hideku's voice.

So… he had known. Damn. She'd thought she'd been careful.

"Yes." She replied silently. "It is time."

A moment of silence held, where Rei merely balanced herself against the banister of the seventh step down on the staircase, staring at the back of the chair he sat in, and the small top of his mostly grey hair visible above it.

"I could tell. You seemed put off by something all day. As if… you were missing something. Or… maybe something was missing you." He said grimly. Slowly, he stood, and she realized that he had taken a shower, and cleaned himself. Something he rarely did at night at least.

"I… was. I am." She replied kindly.

"It's one of them angels, isn't it? The things that keep attackin the city?" He asked. "You don't have to go back to that. You can stay here… with me. If… if you want…"

Rei bit her lower lip, conflicted. It had been… a strange experience living her. A learning one. A good one. Idly, she tugged the straps of the long pair of blue-jean overalls, dirtied by working in the greenhouse for most the day. The white shirt beneath looked little cleaner but she didn't care. Black boots, adorned her feet and she couldn't help but stare at them as she thought.

Could she stay? Could she simply… stay…? And forget Evangelion? Forget Gendo? Forget… Shinji… and Touji…? And Asuka?

…

No. She couldn't. A grim conclusion. She almost wished she could. But she couldn't. Her mother's death, lingering over her shoulder and behind her at every corner was proof enough of that. She had to know. She had to know what Gendo's true intentions were.

Whether he was a good man… or a manipulating bastard.

For his sake… she hoped he wasn't the latter.

"I'm sorry… Hideku. I… I love it here. I love this place. The gardens. But… there is something I must do. Something I must know. When I've found my answer… I promise… I'll come back. If you'll have me?" She asked lightly.

He turned to her, and the dim light of the fading sun displayed a small tear on the right side of his face. He wiped it quickly, but Rei was certain she'd seen it. "Sommat in my eye…" He murmured, as he crossed the room to her.

"And you were going to leave without sayin goodbye! Evil lass you are!" He burst once he reached her, and wrapped his arms around her in a mighty hug, even for one as frail as he.

"I would have returned." She replied, returning the hug in kind.

Moments they stayed like that together, clinging to the hope they'd each found in the other.

"You will come back. Alright? You promised. I ain't got many years left, so make it soon, ya hear?" He replied, trying to laugh off how badly he felt.

"I will." She replied, loosening her grip around his shoulders.

She walked down the last three stairs and to the door. Opening it slowly, she turned. "I… goodbye, Hideku. I… I love you."

"And I you, girl."

With that, she closed the door behind her, staring out towards the city in the distance.

A red aura sprung to life around her, and she blasted into the sky, flying into the heart of Tokyo, her eyes glowing a beautiful and deadly crimson.

_**end part six**_

* * *

_**author's notes:**_

_**So again I was not able to quite make it to the cool scene. This chapter is more character development with a bit of action thrown in. Next chapter is going to blow you away. I guarentee it.**_

_**I wanted to fit it all in this one, as per the norm, but again it seemed as if it would be rushing or the chapter was streching too long. So I stopped here. Next chapter, you'll have a fun time. Promise. **_

_**But I hope you had a good time on this one too! And is encouraging reviews! Only seems logical for you young readers to click the easily accessed review button directly below this little block of text here? Right? **_

_**Till Next!**_

_**MB  
**_


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